MaGiC bOy!~XD

New Year Story 2012 (Chapter 1)

2012-01-02T23:07:00.002+08:00

New Year Story 2012

Chapter 1 - The new beginning

A day that I could not forget, everything was in place and working fine that it should be. It has been 22 years that I am still celebrating the new year eve on my own alone without anyone by my side. It has been a normal pass time for me whether to celebrate it or not to celebrate it. Every time you knew that there would be a chance, you will hold tight on the chance but eventually, it will get away from it. Everyone has their hard time in protecting their relationship but so do I. I try to protect mine in the past, I learned that holding tight will only have side effects but when I try to let go, it will eventually went off easily. This year, I try to hold firmly because I don't want to lose the chance again but it seems to be different. I am afraid of losing it again, but i slowly lost my courage because I always lose. I knew that this time the relationship will be very different because I can feel it and she was the perfect one for me. Even though I knew that she is the perfect one for me, there will be always side effects and sacrifices. Indeed, there are and its difficult for me to accept it.

I just want to live in a simple and happy life. I just want things to be simple, having a relationship that you love so much and can hang out like normal couples do but there are always restriction in the path. I can't have a simple life, and I can't ask her to do something bad. If i would ask her to do that, I will never forgive myself because I knew myself well. Some times when we think about it, that path is usually the right choice to do it because it happens only once. I wanted to tell her, if you take that choice and you did that bad choice, I am willing to take the bad thing that will happen to you. I am willing to stand in front and get that bad thing for you because I knew that you did it just for me. Everyone has a choice, but my choice is for you. Tears may be dripping down but the tears are for you because I do care about it.

I remember I used to sing a song to you, because I wanted to tell you a love story that is happening right now, a fairy tale that never existed and you never believe in it before but it do happens because I wanted to make it become real and you really can feel that love.

帮你记得

我像个傻瓜傻傻的爱你但没想过后果。。我重来没想过为什么要为你付出但我只知道我真的爱上了你。。爱你可以想到很简单但其实一点都不简单因为我已经开始慢慢把我的心送给你了。。就算有多累，我还是会对着你笑因为你让我的世界变得跟美丽。。不知道你会不会慢慢的根喜欢傻瓜呢？

Love Story

2011-12-26T23:23:00.001+08:00

Love Story

Day 1,

The first day me and my Dear finally watch movie together. I am so happy when I first heard that we finally go watch movie and I quickly go book tickets online~ :-)

Alvin and the Chipmunks 3!!!!

But before going to watch movies, we go over to Gardens there to eat Taiwanese Cuisine...

A lot have happened lately..the good is just around the corner..will slowly update more and more new stuff....

Courage and Love

2011-12-15T01:59:00.001+08:00

Courage and Love

Day 14-12-2011 ,

The number of days that is left is getting lesser and lesser. Starting to feel worry and fear. There are rules and regulation in it, but I seem to try to break the rules. The experience and mistakes I learned from the past, it slowly gives me some courage but there are always things that need to be repay. I had question for myself, what if it happens that way in the end? Will I be satisfied with the answer? I think I will feel satisfied because "LOVE" is blind. In the end, the answer wasn't the important at all. All it really matters is how you think because you had done your best.

Things are getting messy and messier. I sometimes felt confused in some reasons. Putting effort doesn't meant success but only partial of lessons you will learn. I had always try to put effort and courage to it. I had never once in life succeed before. There are many negatives mindset in me that I could not control it. There are things that others will never know. Fear, is one of the negative mindset that it should not think of because it will distract myself from proceeding.

When you try to show the nature of yourself, it might look horrible but I am just being myself. I slowly again start feeling the coldness that will be coming to me. I try to get myself warmth up but it is too cold as like I am being inside a freezer without any exit. Slowly, i realize that people who thinks about the relationship is because they do care about holding the relationship so that it will be stronger that the string might not be torn.

What if the things really became like the usual that you used to be. Will I still be the same? There will be question for me, but the answer is always, I will return back to my original state because that will be my fate. What if things turn out you wanted to be? Will I merrier? Yes, I will but I will start to have a long journey to stick with. The journey doesn't question me anything because I will do better and better.

I am like a mirror, I smile and it returns me a smile when I am facing it, but when I turn around without facing the mirror, I might start to feel down and just facing down. There might be tears but the tear shows that I really care about it and it really will hurts. It will be painless to others because when I faced them, they saw the smiles that reflects, but when I turn around, you might see that so that you won't able to know about it.

Courage will give you strength and Love will give you life. With a true heart, it might not always win but it give memories. I just wish that one of my wishes come true. I used to listen to a song long time ago. "Never had a dream come true"

"Never had a dream come true till the day I had found you"
Am I?

Timing

2011-12-12T02:36:00.000+08:00

Timing

11-12-2011,

Timing, it's very hard to decide the timing. Too many things happened so quickly, in the end, only reality. There many things that could not be expected. Can't sleep but I am still awake by the thinking. Haiz...

Another Moment

2011-12-10T01:52:00.000+08:00

Another Moment

9 December 2011,

There is only a few days before it comes, after a night on the concert, I starting to feel many things going back the original way that I used to feel. While walking towards the empty street with only songs to accompany me, I felt that nothing had changed. I starting to feel that, when people is happy then its will be ok, it doesn't meant I need to happy so that it will make me feel better. I don't think I will feel that anyway. I have a sixth sense, I feel something that I will be the same like usual, the same way that I am walking on the empty street. I felt the cold now, not because I am in an air cond room, but I do felt that coldness from some where else. I can't describe the cold because it happens to me all the time. While I am in the room with the lights off and I could only see the laptop screen that is very bright. When I am on my bed, I felt lost and sometimes, my body would feel very cold because of alone. I can't always think that way because I need to clam myself down. Sometimes actions and words may not describe how I felt. When I am alone, I can only be myself, the original me that was once quiet and don't dare to say anything much to anyone. I had a small heart that can't take big incidents but I always faces big incidents. Times that I need friends or some talk, but it doesn't appear to have one because I prefer to be alone. At least, I knew that I can stay focus and slowly get back up with my own bare hands. People do need caring and warmth but mabye for me, it might be an optional because I am used to it. I wanted to write more things but I could not, because it doesn't meant anything. It will only be words without any feelings anymore.

Loving someone is difficult than forgetting someone. When you love someone, you will try your best to impress them but when you knew that, they doesn't like you, you will feel hurt but you will still go on because you don't mind getting hurt. When you start to forget someone, it is easy because you don't really care about the feelings anymore. I can easily fall in love with someone, because I really felt that love. Although, the time may be short, but it is worth it. While I was driving back home, I listen the same song for many times. (好心好報)

I felt that way, no matter how good deeds you did, it does not meant that there are repays. I can see that in the end, I am alone again. In the beginning, everything works fine but when they don't need you anymore, I will just be a silly boy that continues to wait and wait for miracles to happen. It doesn't hurt others but I felt that and it doesn't matter. Anyway, it was just another night of a dream. I slowly felt that I am like a reflection in the mirror, when you smile, I will smile back but when you had closed the lights, you can't see the smiling face anymore because you are still imagining the smiling face, at least you won't feel any pain.

I can't have a good sleep because my dreams are waking me up. I am trying to push myself to sleep and not to think to much. I wasn't thinking anything, only the cold and loneliness that kept me awake.

Nights.....

The Same Old Christmas Feeling

2011-12-06T16:06:00.000+08:00

The Same Old Christmas Feeling

Day 06-12-2011,

The feeling is still the same as usual, nothing special but still alone. Many things has changed but only in the pace of improvement in my own future. Nothing much and nothing more. I am starting to feel left out again even though the smiles and laughter that I can make it up. This year, I only see the joy of people enjoying the christmas taste. Nowadays, I don't feel any better after that incident happened. I felt lost and can't concentrate on the things that I want to do. Sometimes, I felt that the happiness that I had once always eager want to have is no longer there anymore. White Christmas Tree,

I want to make things change but I could not do it. Even if I would want to change it, if won't change as well. I had always advice friends to be more strong and stay in reality, but when the thing goes back to me, I unable to get strong. I don't have any courage to like anyone anymore because I don't have that kind of feeling anymore, no matter what really happens. I don't feel the joy or excitement anymore like before. I felt myself bad and only tears that will starting to roll out. I don't feel like going anywhere but just stay at home or just be by the lakeside or beach. Listening to the water waves that is splashing to one wave to another. I like to switch on the application that can that listen to the waves and rain drops. The sound and environment was the feeling that I am feeling right now. Tears seem to be dropping by each second in minutes.

Day 05-12-2011,

This was the day that I start to lost confidence and my feeling of happiness with the smiles and laughter were starting to be taken away from myself. There are many things that I don't want to do it, but I did the mistake. I start to tell myself, please don't be so stupid anymore, it is just a past. It will not happen again even though it had the chance. If i don't ever smile again, will there be a problem for me? I will feel the distance of lonely starting to be nearer. I think I am on that step. Love may never be perfect, but only those who are in relationship will felt that it was perfect for them because they love another in their hearts although there may be conflict with one another. In a relationship, no matter what happens, it can be very sweet if you only think it was sweet. I used to have that feeling but it was no longer there anymore. It had disappear for some time that I didn't know when it happened before. I try to stand up and I managed to did it, with my own two hands but I saw other people with a group of hands to help them out in the misery. I felt that I am stronger but i saw people with full smiles but for me, Anger to revive myself. It was no difference that I am working alone or with someone else because in the end, it will remain the same old me. I saw the younger friends of mine, I always encourage them to work better and learn more stuff because I had experienced once before, I felt regret that I never learn much and being this way. I would like to work in an environment of office, because I only talk to myself and just go on with the work. After work, I will walk back to the railway station and saw many nice shops on the way. I will able to see the happiness smiles on people while going back home but I will still have a despair heart in the end. I am so envy with people who are always hanging out with friends where else, I am single at the moment.

Feelings

2011-07-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

Feelings

A lot had happen recently, experience and feelings. I started working and everything seems to be different, I see something different in life. I enjoyed my job but anyhow I am not satisfied with it. I want to climb higher but there is a saying that “If do not have a big head, then don’t wear it on the small head” or “The higher you climb, the easier you will fall down” . Feelings of depressed but the only thing I can do is just move on and do my part. I had just got everything I needed but I still feel unsatisfied. Feelings are just an emotion that only takes part in life. Every day when I go to work, I will like to drive far away so that I can listen to my IPod while walking to my working place. I feel relax while doing that after work every night.

I finally got myself a new laptop. Even though it’s new but I got it was because I needed it badly for my job. Life isn’t easy because there are many things that I can’t do and there are rules. I had a bad dream few days ago and I never expected that I will dream about it. When I dream, dreams came true and I didn’t want that to happen. The worst part is that I still remember every detail about the dream. I do feel tired but there is no one that I can talk to. Sometimes when you knew that you talk too much, people will start giving you hints and you knew you should stop talking. That is the part that you knew, what you think was eventually not important.

When I am driving back home, I feel that I am tired and frustrated. I like to hear old songs that have romantic feeling. Although it was old but it has meaning for me. It will ease my stress but I will think a lot of my previous past that I do not want to think about. I want to a trip to somewhere that is peaceful and I can forget about the past. Sometimes past is a just a matter of growing up. It might also lead to frustration.

Love is something I must avoid right now. Loving someone might end up forever but being with one another may not lead to eternity. When you put full efforts on it, you mustn’t expect the same from others. It might only lead sadness and maybe you end hurting yourself. I am not being happy anymore like usual.

There are many things that I can’t talk about. There are many rules that I can’t break.

Thoughts

2011-05-07T03:02:00.009+08:00

Thoughts

Yesterday, I had a sense that something is not going alright, and it gives me the feeling of fear. My right eye blink and something not good will be happening and something I will lose something. This makes my mood to change, that I can’t concentrate properly on the things I am doing. There is always lot thinking on my mind. I feel so tired of thinking but things are just always there appearing. Some things are never mend to be changed. A lot changes had been happening around me and this was the life I had choose. Every time a new happen, I learn something from it and I tend to lose the wonderful things that had once happen to me. There are things that you are required to let go because when things had already happen and began, it means there will be an ending and the ending might never turn out to the story that you had ever wanted.

I always think and think but I knew that I had already choose my choice that I should not had feel regret. Things might turn out to be better in such a manner. Although things are not the way that I would want it to be, but anyway it turn out to be something better and at least I know that I think I had made a good choice. I had been still in thinking that whether that was I feeling cold or was the room filled with air condition cold. I kept my laptop on my lap while typing on the bed. When I look over on the side of my bed, I used to feel something warm and though of something but time seemed to be changing as I started to feel it was getting colder and colder. Alone in the room with my bed and just a laptop on my lap. Listening to the songs that was being played on my desktop and hoping for something miracle to happen but it did not. I knew how miracles works and it wasn’t for me because I am not that lucky but someone out there might need it.

I think I would just give that luck out so that someone who really needs it will get it have a miracle on them. Although I had a hard time on my life, but I had never try to give it up because I know that this was a journey that I should proceed on and although it takes times and bitter along the way. It is worth it and I knew that hard times will be paid off someday. I will feel very envy to some of my friends but although I feel that way, I try to improve myself and get on that. I always tell myself that if I do not have a big head, do not wear a big hat for me. Just wear something that will only fit into my small and average head. I could not sleep on the night because I was thinking and thinking. Lot things came into my mind and I think I really need a break time and the only way to solve it was that I could over the world and go somewhere that had beautiful beaches and full of quiet and clean.

Days are getting nearer and nearer. Things are getting tougher each time I encounter but more new things I was learning. Even though you could see me and you realize that I change, will you notice about me? Or just maybe thinks about me? ..............

Emotion

2011-05-05T02:27:00.000+08:00

Emotion

Recently, it has been a hard time
for me, I feel very tired and sometimes things always give me to think a lot. I
think now I starting to have family problems. Everything seems so difficult to
me. Although it’s hard but I still have to go on. I always thought of having
everything perfectly running on life style but actually it wasn’t because the
real training has just begun. I only can express my emotions in the words but
never in the real world. I had stay away from my own family for almost a year
and so. I never expected much from what I had gain during all this month’s
being a parted. It wasn’t hard at all because I was used to it during my
childhood.

In life, the young ones must bear
the older responsible such as taking care of them and taking over their debts.
It was because the older ones are the debt that they used on the young ones but
sometimes they are not. The older ones use the debt as their own luxury and let
their young ones to take care of it as it was their own responsible. I had to
take care of their debt and be responsible for it. Although it may difficult in
time but I have to bear the responsible. When I started that I would wish to
continue to study and being falling in love with study because I would like to
gain more knowledge and a higher degree. It was the time that I had to choose
to fall on the ground once again. No matter how much you love something but it
may not be yours as you would imagine. Everything has been taken away from you
as it only left is responsible that wasn’t meant to be yours.

In life, I always would want to
share my burden with someone so that I can tell her that I am tired and I need
some hug. It would not happen at all because I am being alone that I could not
find anyone to talk to. That is what my life should be, although it was lonely
but the days I encounter was the real fact that I am facing right now. I feel
so tired that I would just want to stay in dream land and everything went well
but it will not happen because one day I have to wake up and face the reality
world. A room that I stay was an empty room with no emotion and grey walls without
any open windows that only stored darkness and loneliness inside the room.

When I was driving on the way to
work, I always had an empty heart in me. A feeling that I had always felt
lonely and something that takes away my happiness. Sometimes I always had the
feeling of bitter in heart that fears my tears falling down from my eyes but I always
kept them dry and stopping it from dropping even though the feeling is
difficult. I starting to feel very lonely and very left out in my own world. I
feel the fear and loneliness in the world and even though that I had some
friends around me but everything was different because of the feeling that I wanted
to tell someone something and I could not do that because no one will tend to
listen to my speech.

The days that each day passes gives
me sadness and only a burden to me. When I walk around a night market and I always
carry around my back a bag that is filled with my stuffs. I always felt so
heavy but I always told myself, the burden that I carry now was not that heavy
because my life burden is even heavier than I am carrying right now. I do not
have someone to care about me. I can see the path that I am taking and it was a
long road without any companions. I starting to control my tears and I starting
to stop the tears from falling but I could not stop my heart from crying. I
wanted to tell her about my problems and my burden but I could not do that. She
will have no interest on me because I knew the truth and I know it will end
that way. I always predicted the future and it really happens. I always choose
the way of breathing in deeply then letting it out slowly and I always saw
myself doing that when I face sadness and loneliness on my own. When I meet my
family while working, I will feel embarrassed that how my family talks and
giving me something to bear the responsible. They never really care about how I
felt but only will think that they are always right. In times, everything may
not be the way it should be.

I think there is someone that has
the same feelings like me in this world that is around the world. Someone that
faces the same problem and seeking someone that would really listens to them. Being
a cancerous in the horoscope may have a very nice heart and a strong one but in
the other side; they are alone and always putting the trouble and things into
their own world. I love to help people when they needed help but when it was my
turn that needed help no one turn up and I was alone there facing the problem
and solving it all the way by my own. Sometimes promises are just a lie and they
will forget about that promises that they had made in the past. It was true
indeed but I never blame anyone because I had done my part and I had never tended
to break the promises that I had made. At least I know that I had really made a
real promise and I knew myself had protected that promise very well indeed. I
think may be in the future, I might had forgotten that promise but I don’t I would
because I always put that in mind.

Loving you in the past may be my
best luck in my life but because having you as my partner in the past was my
happiness that I had. Although love may fade away very quickly on you to me but
I had never fade away the love that I had for you. I choose another way of
putting that into the promises so that it would not fade away even though I know
it will be useless and everything won’t be the same anymore. Being your friend
was something the least I could do. My heart may look strong on outside but it
is very weak on inside, it is breaking the every moment I am think about it.
Secrets are never mended to be told but some secrets are always mend to remain
secret and always being the heart of someone that you must protect. Do you ever
think about me and ever thinks of me of being on your side because I am being
there for you? Or was I just an illusion that appears whenever you needed me?
Nothing will be the truth because everything was fate. A fate that appears to
be there but a transparent wall is over there, that you could only see her but
she may never see you. The truth only lies between the words.

The Timing

2011-05-04T00:09:00.000+08:00

The Timing

Words and texts always appear in my mind. A lot had happen lately, lot things that I had never
think of it before. Sadness and happiness in the past had always been a past. Strengths
that I had now were never perfect. Loving someone and telling someone you like
her/him is always about timing. Timing is very important as it will conclude
the time that both the couple will be ending in what kind of time. Some people
may have the perfect timing and always ended up in the old couple age. It seems
that my timing was not perfect because I got nothing yet. Loving someone doesn’t
mean it must be together but only hopes for another to be happy. I had always thought my timing was right but it wasn’t because I always didn’t have the lucky charm around me.

A lot had happen during this one month time. I learn a lot from my work. I always thought
that my aims and directions are correct but I knew myself was easy being
corrupted by someone. It was my weakness, I always like to care for someone
else feeling but I never really care about my own. Actually, I should be happy
because I had everything that I needed at the moment. Although some things I wanted
that it was not there for me. I should not be greedy and just be grateful of
things I had. I love to study but sometimes there are times that what you
really wanted to do and it will be an obstacle to block you from getting it. I
try to learn my hard times by working harder and better so that I can achieve
what I would really want.

It seems that I am missing something in my life. I miss the times that someone would
really care for me when I needed the most. I shouldn’t think of that phrase of
word. The choice and timing was I am who chooses it. Regrets were never to be hearing
from myself because I choose it. In the reality world, I had always wanted a
message coming from my phone that someone I really missed would come in but it
never did. Time changes and everything is not there anymore. Lies of happiness
in my mouth had always been appearing because I never wanted someone to
understand the true of myself.

In my dreams, I had always dream about a girl, but I never knew who was her. She was
nor ugly or pretty but just a perfect girl that I would be interest in. She was
kind in my dreams. She takes cares of me. I always fall for the same dream but
always in a different scenario. I could not remember how she looks like but I just
knew that I like her. Each time my dream was coming into an end, I always had
blank and black mind. I could not remember everything but I knew the feeling
was sad and only disappointment that my heart feels. I think I had fallen in
love with my dream world because everything was running smoothly even though
when time ends it will hurt a bit.

In reality, I learn a lot that giving up is not the choice of me. I will struggle on and
try my best even though I had failed many times. I try to be humble because I know
I should. People out there may be better and a lot better than me but it seems
that I am afraid of it. I miss someone very badly but I could not tell her
that. She doesn’t have the feelings for me. I am only an ordinary guy from some
part of the earth. I wanted to talk with her and having jokes around with her.
I would want to see her laughter and her beautiful smile around her cheek. I
couldn’t do that because I do not have the courage to do that. I can only think
of it but can never ever tell her that.

I feel alone in the path that I was walking towards the road that I am going.
Everything was done alone by me and I had no companion towards my path. I saw
only dark and the path is getting darker and colder in the way. Although it was
dark, I found some sticks and I had struck against one the sticks to build a
fire and show a light towards the darkness. It is very cold indeed but my stick
lit with the fire gives me bit warmth that I needed it most. Although it may
been alone all the way towards the path but I gained independent from the
lessons I had learn. I knew that I am from a different world that comparing
with hers. It was ok because I could see her in distance but she never saw my
tears and the sadness that had been appearing on my face.

I am feeling sad but the only thing I could do is try to wipe off the tears and stop
myself from falling tears from my eyes. Although it may be hard for me to
counter this fear but I had to go on with it. I had never tried to ask whether I
could be your man and I would want to protect you. I never did because I knew I
could not do it because I had fears. I like to hide myself from others because I
never tend to let them know how I felt. I only show a face that I am happy and
there is nothing wrong. Hiding my emotions is the best thing I can do.

I remember something about you. When I first saw you, I think I had liked you and I would want
to know you. I feel the feeling is different but I never hope for it because I do
not have the luck anymore. Last time, I would have the courage but because I felt
that I am uglier now and I lost my confidence on myself. I don’t dare tell
anyone about my secret that I was thinking. I didn’t want anyone to know about
it. Loving someone is easy but when you knew that you had really fallen into
the love, you feel hurt and you had hard time getting out of that place. No
matter how much you had placed your feelings in the past but it doesn’t mean
you need the repay from her/him. Love someone is being humble and generous and
without any repay. I think I choose that way and now my past, I never expected
a repay or anything. I just hope that they are happy and that is enough for it.

Running towards the path, because you foresee a thing that you must do but the thing doesn’t
belong to you. If it was yours then it will be yours but if it wasn’t then no
matter what you do, it will never be but you will only hurt yourself even more.
I always put a smile for myself when I am feeling hurt. I remember every time
when something hurts me deeply, I will only put a smile and say “Oooo…its ok…” then
I will inhale a deep breath and let go. I had tried to hold on before but I fear
the hatred you would give me. I never want to leave but I try to respect your
decision and I accept the truth. I knew you never had feelings for me anymore
because we are now far away from one another planet. We are so far away that I can
still see you but we are never in contact anymore.

The story of Alex, has the ending part, Alex was awaken from his dreams. He saw himself
on the bed, laying there and everything was just white. Alex talked to himself,
“Where am I? Why am I here? Why everything is just white? “, then a voice
responded, “You had an accident and we are sorry to inform you that your eyes
are damaged…We had did our best…”, then Alex kept quiet and say nothing but
only sitting on the bed while putting his hand on his eyes. Then a gentle voice
appears, “Alex…Don’t be sad…everything is alright...”, then Alex said, “Who are
you??”, then the gentle voice replies, “My name is?????................

The accident has cause illusion to Alex and things went back to the past that had everything
was just a dream.

Night Time

2011-04-14T04:19:00.000+08:00

Night Time

April 14, 2011, I am still puzzled
with myself. I want to SMS you but I didn’t have the courage to SMS you. I can’t
sleep and I hoped to find you to chat with me but it seem I had done it yet
even though these few nights I couldn’t have a proper sleep. I had tried
listening songs and reading books so that I can get myself tired and have a
nice sleep but I just couldn’t get to sleep. Every time I want to close my eyes, I will take my phone and wanted to
text you but the moment I saw the conversations we had, I stopped and I feel
that I couldn’t text you. Why did I always stop myself and never gave myself a
courage just to type a few words and send it to you? I am confused with myself
and I hate the way I had been. Sometimes I had always been putting hope on it
but I at last never take the step forward.

I feel that writing a blog is a best
way to express my feelings as it is the only I can do right now. I missed the
old days I had but nothing will be returning anyway, I always hoped to have a
nice dream but I never saw that coming. Although I had awakened my sleep in the
morning, I will see black and an empty space in it. Do I actually had feelings
for her or was it just a dream that I always had been dreaming. I am considering
being lucky because I had a past and maybe somewhere out there, some people do
not have the chance at all. Listening to songs in the middle of the night is
very comfortable but it may be very lonely as well. Tomorrow is a day that is
one of my biggest achievements that I must complete and I only have 8 hours
time before I can really prepare everything well. Time seem to be running and I
always putting those problems into my mind. It might be very annoying but I never
tend to fix it.

Why these feelings always do come
and I never want to fix it? I hear one my friends and he told me that people
like programmers always like to talk to themselves and always putting the
problems they face into their own world. I think I am beginning to fall into
that world and I didn’t want to. I want find someone that I can really rely on
and talk to her about my problems and she could lend her ears to me but I couldn’t
find one. Even though there is, but I don’t think she would, because I never
tried? Or was it because I want to run away from it? Everyone has their own
problems and everyone must overcome their fears in order to face the reality. I
never hope to be perfect but I just wanted to make sure that I can get
everything alright. Mistakes always appear on me but I tried to fix but
sometimes I couldn’t get things right.

Love and slow songs are always my
favorite type of songs that I like to hear but each time I like a song, I would
always think it in a imaginary world that I would be but I never tried to think
back into reality because sometimes I do think that these kind of imagination
is a place that I can really relax and putting my head on rest. Sooner or
later, I find that I must not be adapting to this kind of actions because you
would always rely on it. I tried to think differently and having another action
that is go to sleep and closing my eyes and try not to think about the past and
it was because a past is always a past. I remember that I saw a note that
written about “EX” and the meaning of it was that “An EX is an example of a
mistake you done in the past and you knew how it feels, the pain, the sorrow,
the loneliness, the lied, the experience you had gained after a relationship
was not proper being take care of.” This was one of my thoughts that I had been
thinking, an EX is never to repeat the same mistakes but to improve in your
next relationships.

When you are in a room that is only
you are who will be sleeping in. Everything in the corner is a dead material
that had no response but only echo could be heard. You will feel that you are
alone and only a computer you will be facing with. Each time, I switch on my
computer and when it startup, comes the desktop and there is the internet
browser that I would click. The first thing that I will browse would be
FACEBOOK but everything I click my FACEBOOK, I would look at the notifications and
I hope to see her status but I tried not to click it. It work for some time but
in some time later, I would click it but I tried to stop myself from clicking
it and each time I told myself that it doesn’t matter to me anyway because I was
a nobody. I always placed my pink crystal ball in front of my computer so that I
could get to know more people and getting my relationship in the future to be
better but it seem not be working but only a further distance will be appearing
and disappointment.

Being alone in my lifetime was
something not different from my childhood but the things are that I can do
things on my own. I never hoped to live happily just like what my other friends
are having right now. I just wish to be simple and try to hang out with friends
and chatting together. Things are different, maybe it was the environment that I
was being raised in or maybe it was because it was my fate. When you think of
someone and you want to tell her about it, I seem to be coward and try not to
tell her because I have a fear on it. Every past means something to me. Every
time I was on my bed, I remembered my ex being there and she said something to
me, a word that till now I had never forget at all. A sentence that would hurt
and by that moment, I knew that I wasn’t in her world and I had been being a
fool all along.

Things are being that way, when you are
willing to give up everything for her, she may not be the one for you. Even
though it had been 2 years in the past but I had remember a lot about my past.
Even now, if I had fallen for someone and I had told her before but it seems
not work because it takes time but even though I had put effort on it, it doesn’t
work and I knew how the ending would be. My dream is always being a real in
reality and if I do not dream about her, it means that she doesn’t appear in my
reality. My dreams are true but sometimes I never hope to have that true dream
because it hurts. Good friends are hard to find and sometimes when one of your
EX becomes your best friend, it doesn’t meant that she will be there for you when
you sad, she had her own troubles to face.

Sometimes you would hope that your
best friend would be there for you when you need them but it doesn’t come. You
would want to find them but because you’re EX is your best friend so you didn’t
find her. You knew she had a boyfriend and didn’t want to interrupt them. You
will just take the problems with you and walk on while carrying a big load of
sack of sand on your back. I like to help people with their problems and I always
tried to cheer people up even though I had a bit of crush on her but I never
tend to tell her but only hope the better words for her. You are happy when she
says thanks to you and telling you that you are a great friend indeed. I like
to add on the text that think of me whenever you are not happy and hope that it
might cheer you up a bit because I can try to be there to cheer u up whenever I
am needed.

The truth is that I had tried my
best to be there but I will always noted that if you are happy then you can
just forget about the things that I had told you because I wish to give
happiness but not sadness to you. I like to put sweets on your heart but I could
not put salt into your heart because I do not want to see your tears coming out
from your eyes. Even though there is no gain for me but I feel happy because at
least I had something to make people happy. Even though it doesn’t give me any
happiness but share the luck and happiness to other people is the best that I can
do. Do I miss my EX? To be honest, I do miss them. Things are different, no
matter how much you had missed the ones that you had really love for but there
is no going back in time even though there is a time machine because what
happens in the future will always be the truth. I do wish to be back my 1^st
love that I had but me and her are in a different world that we can only be
best friends but never a couple in reality anymore. I knew a lot about her but
she knew less about me because I always hide my feelings. I still remember what
her favorite fruit was and I remember her like to eat mango, and I knew that
she like the pudding that I once had prepare for her. Her favorite color is
black because she likes to wear black all the time and she likes to wear normal
tee and short pants. Anyway, it was just a past.

I remember another EX that she used
to love dolphins and I always try to get a dolphin doll or keychain for her. She likes to eat spicy food and that is where I
was so afraid of because I do not have the appetite for spicy food but I slowly
try to adapt into her spicy world and soon I fall in love with the spicy world.
It takes me time to adapt with it but because I hope that I can share the same
taste with her but I try to change and overcome one of my fears for her. She
likes to buy clothes and she likes to put make up, because she feels that she
is not pretty enough but for me, she is already perfect because she is being
herself. Being with her lasted two years but time passed really fast and during
the two years’ time, she had changed a lot and she was different from the moment I knew
her. I knew she wanted to leave and I let her go and I never hold back because
she doesn’t love me anymore. The feeling is gone and if I would continue, there
will be happiness between each other.

I still remembered an EX that she
treats me well and always tend to listen to me, I had like to see her long hair
because it fits her perfectly but then during this relationship, it turns into
a disaster because this relationship should not have been started at the
beginning and I remember she likes to drink warm water only and there is no
cold water in her dictionary. She likes to snooze at night when she is
sleeping. Being with her lasted a year and a lot things changes because she doesn’t
trust me and I doesn’t trust her anymore. I had the feeling for her but I doesn’t
trust her anymore because she had given me a lie that I cannot forget. Anyway, I
knew her that she has turn alright then I glad enough to know that someone had
really taken care of her.

Everything might be a past but they
had given me some good and bad memories, an experience that it will only happen
once in my lifetime. Memories are just temporary but it will always remain in
my head but when one day, I had a lost memory and everything is gone then it
might be a good and a bad thing because at least these memories are no longer
to exist on my memories. The time now is 4.15 AM and I still continue writing this
blog. I think I am tired and maybe because I had written for some time then I feel
tired and I can rest. I hope my dreams will be something that I would want and a
good luck for myself in my coming presentation. J

Expectation from Dreams

2011-04-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

Expectation from Dreams
For some time, I had always been dreaming…from my experience, a dream that came across
in my life is a fear for me, I had always been afraid to go sleep whenever I had
the chance, because if in my dreams, I had a nightmare or an unpleasant dream,
maybe regarding about breaking up in the relationships, it will eventually
happen and how the process that happened in the dream. I had experience this
not only once but in my serious relationships, I will always foresee that she
doesn’t need me anymore and walk away from me. Even though the time I had was
with her that does not have any relationships problems at all, or maybe it does
had but I didn’t realize it. Dreams may be perfect for some other people
because they will dream all the nice dream they would want in their life but
did not happen in the reality, but my dream was my reality, a reality that will
be happening in the future, a foretell and even my senses would tell me the future
of happening. I experienced a lot from my senses where my eyes blink suddenly
and I knew something is going to happen. I had always been afraid whenever my
eyes blink because each side symbolizes a meaning, my left eye that represents
fortunes where else my right eyes represent dangers and unfortunate in my
future. I had always hoped that it would never blink and when it blinks, I will
look around all my sides and be really carefully with my surroundings. Even
though how much preparation I had done, it will be sooner the thing will happen
and it never skips off.

I wish that my dreams are ending with a happy ending but it did not happen that way. Last
time, I would always dream that my ex will walk away from me and I would try to
avoid that incident to happen but it never help, but hopes are never there, she
was gone, away from me and she doesn’t need me to be there because there is
someone more suitable than I was. I never blame her for leaving, but I blame
myself that I need do better for hold her tight into my arms but I fear the
pain I would give her if I would hold tightly. Love may be complicated but
dreams will not be complicated because you can see the truth and after the
truth is shown, you would wake up from your dream, sometimes you might remember
how it happen but sometimes you might not. If you like someone, would you
really tell her/him? For me, I think so but I will try to get the hint from
her/him. As I would know the answer and what she/he was thinking, then I will
get point and answer. What if I get the right answer that I wanted to hear,
will I tell her that I had a crush for her/him?? I do not know how to answer
that question, maybe I will let her/him know, but maybe I will not. If you love
someone very deeply, it doesn’t meant that you need to be forever with her/him…I
am afraid of being alone but the road I taken is alone to face it. Even though
how hard it goes, I just need to go on with it, everything I am alone in the
room, only me and the bed, I would always like to hear a song, “怕安静” because I really
scare of it, the lyrics had everything I want to hear, I had gone into the
cinema but every time I look on the side of me, I would wish someone was with
me, someone that I like and someone that always be there for me, but she wasn’t
there, I am all alone waiting but no one came.

Whenever I saw couples around the corner hugging together in the cinema, I would realize that I
really missed that moment but everything was gone, only dreams will appear but
not for me, because I had never got dream that I wanted to stay in. Whenever I picked
up my phone, I would always wish that the SMS was you, but before I switch it
back on the screen, I will always tell myself, it’s from Digi or maybe advertising
SMS, and every time I guess about the SMS, it came true, it wasn’t her at all,
and I knew it but I always hoped that it was her. If someday, you like someone
that comes for your help, but it has already been a past, would you help? My
answer will be a “Yes” because I like to help people when there are in trouble
but I would take that chance to tell her that I like her that I had once liked
her, sometimes people would think that it might be a good chance that maybe she
will like you as well but because I knew the answer within her eyes, I knew
that she only need help but doesn’t really need me after that. Last time, I used
to like my ex, and even though it had been 3 years after the breakup, I still
had the feelings for her, but I never really told her about it but in the end, I
had told her and before I told her, I already knew the answer that she would
give me. It might be complicated because why you knew answer but you wanted to
tell her about it? My answer was, “I didn’t know why?” Why did you gave up so
quickly and never really show the reality of you being that you are for real? I
knew the answers so clearly, because of this clearly answers, I tend to give up
on myself but secretly to treat her nice and help her whenever she needed me,
because that is the only thing I can do and at least she would not hide from me
whenever she really needed help. During the trip, I was alone in the hotel
room, I would always hoped that she was around there being with me, by my side,
but ended up, I was all along alone in the dreams. When I woke up, I will only
hear my phone ringing for the alarm but my phone SMS are always empty. The time
I having now is always a hard time for me because I tend to work long hours and
try to distract myself from the alone, but whenever I am back home, facing my
computer and bed with the music being play on my computer, I would started to
lay on my bed and taking out my phone and waiting for the SMS but no SMS came
in, but only tears and disappointment came into the scene. I hate the tears
that came from my eyes but I could not stop it from flowing out. You always
like to help your friends out with their trouble and problems, but did you help
yourself?? I did not help myself but I put myself more stress and when you
someone you will feel happy because someone you help had gained happiness and
that is the thing that you feel glad about it. Did you try before falling in
love with someone that you used to help and always encourage her to do better
but you never let her down and whenever she needs help, you can see it from her
status, and you will try to be there for her?

She would never know about how you felt for her but only you would know how you felt for
her. Before even you tried to tell her
that you had a little crush on her, you already knew what was the answer she
would give if you asked whether, what do you think about me? And I like you…
the answer you would get, “Sorry”, and this was the answers that you knew that
you would get. Sometimes I knew the answer so directly, but I always fall for
the same old trap, its better that you never told her about you like her because
sometimes it might involve not talking so much among each other. Anyway, I know
that it is understandable because people never asked me to treat them nice but
it was own willing to do so. Treat people nice and caring that you like doesn’t
meant you need to be with them, because people had someone they like and they
doesn’t need you. There are so many people around them; there are many people
better and nicer than you. You are just a bystander and just passing around
them. You are not special at all. You are just an ordinary guy from the world.
You can feel how people felt and what their answers in their mind are, but you
never ever change their answers. If you ever fall into love with her, but you
knew the answers, will you still continue treat her as before, I think I will
because I am just being who I am. I just wanted her to know that she is not
alone, I am there but whenever you need me, then I will appear but when you do
not need me, I will disappear from the spot. I had watched a movie before, and
there is a saying, the girl asked the guy, I hear that once there is a
beautiful flower in the very high hill, and then it is very dangerous and
people who goes there and plucked the flower will die. Will you plucked the
flower and give it to me? Then the guy answer that he would not and the girl
was angry and ignored the guy, then the guy told the girl as the answer was the
same as I had thought I would say to someone if really it happens. “I will go
and pluck the flower because I need my eyes to look at you whenever you are
forget to wipe your dirt on your mouth, whenever you are sad then my mouth can
be there for you to cheer you up and when you are happy then I can talk along
with you, my arms are for you because whenever you need a hug, then my arms are
the perfect spot for you lay on. When you sick, and I could use my both legs to
run and buy porridge for you to eat or I can go and cook for you or may be even
carry you around on my shoulders and uses my legs to run so that you could feel
safe being with me. But when you love someone else and you don’t need me
anymore, I will climb up the mountain and pluck the flower for you. Words may
be sweet but you will never know that was I for real or not? There is only one
thing I can say, “Trust” is all you need believe on me, and when you doesn’t
need me , I will be disappear like you will never know.

Blog is a place where you can express your feelings for someone but do you really hope
that someone really reads what you wrote? Sometimes you would wish she can read
it but in the end, you will know that she never read about it. Love someone
doesn’t mean you need to tell her but only hopes the best for her. If she feel
that now she is happy with her life and everything around her, I will not change
it even though it will does nothing good to me, I don’t want someone changes
because of me, I want them be who they are and be happy. If I am only the
unhappy, then it is worth it, because of me, I had helped a lot of people being
happy and at least I wanted to respect someone. I didn’t mean anything but I just
hoped that you will never know and never ever understand about me. I had a lot of
past and because of my past, I had fear on it, and therefore, you deserve
someone better than me and I am not an option or choice. I am only a bystander
that gives you wishes and good luck. I never think myself having any chances at
all. ^_^

Ps:

It might be sweet but it is a bit sour for me. (让你觉得很甜但是很痛。。)

Two Days Of Experiencing The Past That Could Not Be Forgotten...

2011-03-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

Day 1, 3/28/2011

The night before Day 1 that was
coming, I was attending the wedding of an old friend of mine from my junior
years. During the wedding ceremony, I started to think about the past, a past
that happen only just last year but could not be forgotten, I realize that all
my friends have a stable and strong relationships in their life, everyone had
their own target in life and they are successful and satisfied with their
target. I suddenly realize that a few weeks ago, I had already plan the way of
life I want to be and how to aim for my target, but things seem differently
when I realize I stop down and think about it. I had missed her, but I could
not do anything, I had choose this road, this was the choice that I had done in
the past and slowly, I feel that I had done the wrong decision, but I always
give myself a reason that it was only for her own good. Slowly, I think deeper,
was that true? Or was I the one who say it because it actually was for my own
good only?? There are so many questions in my mind but I always seem to escape
from it and only giving the blame to others. I had promised her to be forever
and I had failed to do so….and I had break the promise again...I thought I
would forget her in time but it wasn’t..I had never forgotten anyone at all…Mistake
is reform again and again but I never change or try to fix the mistake. I had
never forget her but she had forgotten me, this was actually part of the story
line that I had come across, being a jerk and someone that I had never used to
be was a not an easy role to play on because you will feel the regret but you
knew that it had to be done. I escaped a lot from my mistakes and putting the
blame on others because I do not have the courage to face it. Love can
complicate in times, if only you knew how to fix it and do it by your heart, if
you love someone deeply, you would not want to hurt her but I had hurt her and
slowly I realize that I was doing the same actions that what my previous
relationships had done to me. I feel so bad and I should not have done it,
because if you repeat the same actions that had caused to you, she or he will
definitely repeat your same actions to the others. I think over some time, I
felt that my LOVE had become HATRED and I never knew that I would change into
that. Anyway, I realize that nowadays my temper had become worst each day,
because I had some things that I could not let down, I feel so frustrated but I
never tend to tell anyone, I always like keeping the problems to myself, I
never try to let go of it and just walk on. On 26/03/2011-27/03/2011 , I
realize that my junior school friends were not actually not that hard to
communicate as I used to think in the past, it was my own problem that I never
talk much to them, or just that I do not know how to communicate with them and
it was own communication problem. Then I slowly realize that some of them are
really meant to be really good friends because they won’t backstab you but they
would give you suggestion and tend to help you out if you are in trouble, but I
never put that trust in the past, slowly now, I let go of the past and put the
trust and it really work out because I had put wall between the communication.
Last night, I was so frustrated that I had sent a message to a friend and
scolded my friend. I didn’t why I had cared so much and but people had no wrong
at all because we are just normal friends. The time I am typing this blog, I
slowly felt wrong of my doings because I should not had sent that message, I
could just ignore it but there is always a small hole in my mind that kept me
thinks of it. I think I could just let it be because I do not deserve
forgiveness for this message.

Today, was the day that I was in
need to take tour and guide the tourist going to Melaka, a town full of my past
memories that had been started, and it wasn’t long at all. I had been to the
places that I used to be with her and I took a lot of pictures but every
picture was just scenery of a blank space that I used to appear together with
her in picture frame. I still remember the times that I had with her and the
places and each corner I was with her. We used to walk together and holding
hands together and I felt the warmth from her that she always control of my
eating habits and I was always making fun of her and telling her silly jokes, and
hearing her snoozing noise when she was sleeping around my shoulder and chest.
I still remember the time that I could not sleep well at night because of her
snoozing noise that the next morning, she went to toilet and I quickly ran into
the room and continue my sleep in the room because I was so tired that I could
not open my eyes and she waited me outside the room. She never came in because
the room was also occupied with other people but she had her full sleep but I
did not. After some time, I went to a place to eat Satay Celup, and I realize
that it was the same place I had been with her, and the same place I had sat
and her sitting next to me. I still remember the incident that happened. She
looked at me and say to me, “Don’t eat so much de…” but I told her “Okok..” but
I still continue to eat, because I like the food and I still remember the every
food she choose to eat and suddenly I had followed her and I realize that it
was tasty but everything came into a blank screen because I looked back up and saw
she wasn’t there anymore for me, because I had asked her to leave me and it had
happen in the end.

Asking her to leave is wrong
decision but the decision had been made, in the end, I knew that every time I
made upon a wish on my birthday for someone to be happy and found her true
love, it really came true and I saw that everyone of them really did found one
and it was way better than me, I never denied that they could do better than me
but I could not do better because I had not overcome my fears and I do not have
the courage. No matter how many things had happen in the past and I had done,
it wasn’t any good or bad at all because that was not the things to be concern
on, it only matters on how you look on yourself and do you think that was it
right or wrong. In the past, I would think of myself great and never really
realize the wrong that I had been doing, but slowly I realize it and I started
to change because I slowly realize that I was being ugly. After watching “Beastly”,
I found that I had some things that I had in common, because of being ugly; I would
only open my eyes to see the people around me and realize the mistakes that I had
done so much. Everyone has a second chance but if the second chance you had
never appreciated it properly then it would end up in the trash. “Love was
never ugly” & “I had seen something uglier than that”… When love comes,
ugly was never anymore ugly and because you do not really mind about the ugliness
of the outer part but you appreciated the kindness in heart.

What I See and Experience...

2011-02-21T21:41:00.000+08:00

In my dreams, I had always wanted to stay inside the dream because everything was perfect being inside and everything was in order as you had wanted but things seems to be different in the real world because everything was in reality and everything has to work hard for it. Even though how hard you had work hard on something, it might not come to you yet because of your sins that you had done in the past that had given you chance to change but a price to be paid. I believe in karma and i do believe what you had done now either good or bad , you will be rewarded someday in a price to be paid. During the Chinese New Year holidays, I went up the hill in the Cameron Highlands, I love the enviroment over there and maybe because of the clear and country side of the enviroment I would felt relieved and so comfortable in the enviroment that I would wanted to stay there, but only a minor of time , you are needed to get out from the happy and comfortable place and return back to the reality of hardworking and evilness of the city.

Days are not long, but I seemed to fall in love with the enviroment, i feel more secure in that type of enviroment but I still like being with a laptop that I could connect to the Internet and browse thru the websites while enjoying the cooling enviroment. In life, when I was a child, I would always pretend to be coming from a weathy family but when i start to grow older and starting to think about the reality, i realise that everything was just a dream at the child stage, because I starting to feel the tiredness and difficulties in life. I also realise that each relationships I had in the previous years was actually that I was playing myself all the way around. Things might get funnier when you think back in the years and the silly things you had done all the way long. That is what life are meant for as everything was eventually experiences that you got but no other people might able to feel it because you are being yourself, your mind, your soul , everything was your doing at all the time. I would always think that I would only do things for people but i never think of the reward but actually I wasn't because slowly, now , and i realise actually I do want the reward, and slowly, i realise that I am a very greedy kind of person that always like to take the pity but I never really work for it. Friends are always away from me even since I was a child, I got no real true friends to be around with, not like I seen some friends that actually had any problems in their life, but there are always a friend behind to back them up. I didn't realise that some of my thoughts would hurt people or even really help but I would try to learn and correct my mistake. No one will be perfect and so do I. I had less friends, but I tend to enjoy the single guy life, I didn't know why but I tend to be alone and do things in my way, mabye because of family interference, or mabye not. One thing that I remember is that, even since I was a child, I had been alone all the way long, playing games and facing the computer or TV and the reflection are always myself sitting there alone and enjoying the time. When I read novels or story books or even video games, i tend to read or see about friends bieng together and alway enjoying life together. I do not have friends and I admited that. Friends would not understand me because if they would, they would not leave me alone but since then I had never trust friends so closely.

Flowers may represent alot of times that I had in the past, when I saw this flower, i would think of her, in the past that I always thought that I had given the best and everything just for her. Actually, I was greedy and selfish and I never really think about someone feeling and the fact is that I want her to be in my arms forever, but fate didn't came and I got what I should deserve, only can see far distance with her happiness that she really had. This reminds of the first love that I had but until the final stages, I couldn't forget her because of first love will be always the most memorable in life. This love although doesn't represent any special occasion or any redecoration , but the flower itself shows the pure and very genuine love life in my life and my thoughts. I would eventually wanted to return back to time to be with her but everything is too late, because I had once done bad before and I only knew that this would be my reward that I had done in the past.
Love only hurts a bit but you can see people smiling then it is worth it.

In this love life of the flower, it may look sharp with the thorns, and it really are sharp indeed, as I knew that I and her was in different world but I force myself to be in that world, but finally the hurting will only be me and I didn't get anything in return but I think it is worth it because I had tried my best but I couldn't hold her on. In this lesson, I had learn alot and realise that I always run from problems and I always find the excuse to run away from the truth. Even though that I had been hurt deeply in this relationship, but I had learn that, being good to someone might always be the better way because love life should be share among each other, and i meant of the both the couples itself. People around the world would had the same thorn in pains but some are happy with it and they had lived with for ages and ages. I couldn't bear the pain anymore and I decided to let out the hand, because I couldn't bear to see her sad anymore because I was there blocking her happiness and I can't bear to watch her escape from me everything she saw me. I think I would choose the way of leaving instead. This requires courage and intension of doing so because not everyone would wanted it to be that way. When you learn to love someone, you had to learn to let go....

This flower might be best for me, but I had let it down, it is a beautiful flower that everyone would want it for but I had never care about the feelings of the flower and I never actually gave myself the chance to learn to give. In this relationship, I realise that I couldn't bear the pain that I had in my previous experience and finally I decided to let go and even though the flower had never gave up on me, but I choose to gave up at last, I remember the last talk with her was on texting, I wrote something awful but I didn't know why I had did it, maybe because of jealously and anger? I feel that I had both the actions because I really do care about it but in the end, i satisfy myself with only the words, "It's for her own good...she doesn't need to be good to me and I am not worth it..." I always listen to songs to try to get myself to sleep but each time I does that, I would search a sad song rather than a happy song and I felt that it is better for me and experience someone's sadness and regretness that they had done for me. The flower is pretty but I had gave up on it. I felt bad for myself and I knew a karma would appear in my doorstep not long. I knew that what I had did right now will be my reward on the later on time. I knew that nothing would be perfect for me because I tried not to think of perfectness and I never wanted to hope for. I just want a easy life and someone to communicate with but its hard for me to find that someone. When I try to text someone and try to talk to, I will be afraid that I am disturbing that someone. So sometimes I choose to backward the text and put down my phone and leave it aside and try to listen to songs. Sometimes I would also lay on the bed and close my eyes so that I would not think so much but tears would suddenly appear and not because I am sad but because I am alone. Alone is always a word for me but I never try work out for and repair it. I always try hard to built up myself in studies and work. Sometimes i gained claps from good remarks but I don't think I had deserve it yet because I think I still need improvement and I am learning on and on. In this silent night, I am facing again the computer and on my phone that always had my own reflection of myself but no answers or light appearing. In the previous times, I always wish of full moon appearing in the sky and on the night of romance, but everything I saw the full moon appearing, I would think that had the chance of being with pink pretty flower but this time, it doesn't turn out that way because fate had came upon on me and taken the things from me and giving it to someone who really would appreciate it. Life is full of suprises but maybe in my time of life, I would think of it as a bad luck and sadness, or mabye the LORD wanted me to learn and fix my mistakes and my wrongs in the young life and later on the older life to gain the comfort. I do belive in LORD, but in the same time, life and actions are human life and they work out for it. LORD may only be the guide line in the lights but on the journey it was us who choose our path of being someone.

I had always to eat and this was one of my favourite foods that I had in Cameron Highland, "Fried Potato's" it look so delicious at the first sight, and that tempts me to go for it, I ask about the price and it was indeed cheap and quickly I brought it and try a piece of it. It was so delicious and it is one type of the food that I would hunger for~

<<<<<<<<<<< HoneyComb~ A real honey comb got from the bees..... The thing might be even worst than a chewing gum because I had put inside my mouth for an hour but I still can't melt the thing! Anyway, the honey is so sweet and I quite like it~ Life is to enjoy~ Sadness will come on the way, and mountains are higher each time you climb, but nothing can stop you from going up because you follow your own instinct on going all the way up, but there are always a pit stop to let you cool down because on the way, you might find someone on your side and they needs your help, stop down and help because you had a pure heart and full of helpness to be given out. I had stop down and help and even though it's a devil that you had helped, you should be glad because you had done it in a pure heart but not devil heart. Life may be hard in times but you must on to gain the experience. Sometimes experience not always be the good thing but you must learn to accept. Accepting will give you more knowledge and you will know how to step on the new steps that are coming in your way. Sharing is good in life because sharing the kindness and happiness in life. I had always love you from the start but fate has not come yet or because I am not ready yet. I would wish everyone a happy life and good luck in the relationships. Wishing other people luck doesn't meant that i need a reward in return. I am giving it on the air and everyone around me. I wish you would not met someone like me that would hurt you and being a coward because you are not worth being treaten that way. I will correct my mistakes in this life and I couldn't be perfect but I will be the best of myself. ^_^

Chapter 6 – Remembering The Past

2011-01-25T22:15:00.001+08:00

Chapter 6 – Remembering The Past

(Brrrinngggg……) That was the last thing that Alex had heard and Tiffany was calling Alex, “Alex!!Alex!!Please wake up!!! “, as Tiffany was talking to herself, “What happen???? Why Alex fainted??” , then came in a hurry by Shawn that was outside that suddenly heard Tiffany shouting for help and do not know what else to do. Then Shawn came in and asks Tiffany, “What happen to Alex??? Why did he faint??”, then suddenly Alex moved and put his hands into Tiffany shoulder and said, “Oh my, what happen just now?? Why am I lying on the floor?? I just had a dream about everything is back to the usual where I was alone in hospital….” Tiffany then hugged Alex and said, “We were eating and then we chatted a while but then you said you wanted to go to the toilet and then while you are walking towards the door, you fell down and fainted…”, then Shawn interrupted and said, “Let’s bring Alex go to the hospital and have a checkup…”, then Alex and Tiffany agreed and went to the hospital for a checkup.

(Ting!) It was the lift sound that arrived, then three of them went in the lift, then Tiffany asked Alex , “Dear, you said you had a dream just now, what happened in the dream??”, then Alex answered, “Umm…I was went back to the hospital and then you are not there anymore..It seems that we had never contacted for so long and I was all along alone in the time…why??”, then Tiffany said, “Oyo...I was just asking only...but”, before Tiffany could finish what she said then (Ting..!) they had arrived at the parking lot, then Shawn said, “Let’s go to the hospital right away..You guys later only discuss about the dream...”, then three of them went into Shawn’s car and they started going to the hospital where Alex had been. After 40 minutes later, they arrived at the hospital, the hospital was packed with people but not long soon, it was Alex’s turn then Alex and Tiffany went in while Shawn was on the phone and then wave to them and ask them to go in first. When Alex went into the room, the doctor checked Alex and soon found something, then the doctor smiled to Alex and Tiffany and said, “Oyo...don’t worry guys, it is only a small problem, Alex fainted because he worked too much due to he had just recover from the accident, he just need to time to rest and some vitamins to be filled then everything will be alright in no time…” , Alex and Tiffany was relieved and thought it was something else that could happen, then Tiffany said to Alex, “Dear! I told you not to work so much already and see what happen next...You should take some days off and have plenty of rest first…and”, and before Tiffany could finish, Alex said, “But darling…I got need to complete the work first because it is out of time already and I need to complete it before next week…Just let me complete then I will listen to you whatever you said..Ok??” with an innocent and cute smile, and then Tiffany said, “Ok! Alright! But if you feel tired, please take rest ok?? Don’t overwork yourself if not you fainted and I am there to take care you already…”, and Alex said, “YES MADAM!!! Hahax...I will!!”, then the doctor said, “Ok couple~ Alex, remember to take care of yourself and drink plenty of water and get more rest if not the next time you come, I think I will let you stay in the hospital instead…”, then Tiffany said, “You see~ The doctor also asked you to take care if not later I had to come to hospital everyday to visit you already…”, then Alex giggled and said, “It’s not a problem for me at all and as long as you are by my side then everything is ok already..Since I never got the chance for you to take care of me already...hahax...”, then Tiffany said, “Stupid you~ I don’t want to take care you~ “, and soon they went out of the room and then waited for the medicine to be picked up. Soon came in Shawn, and asked what had happened to Alex and then Tiffany explained and everything was alright. After that, Shawn fetched them back home to Alex home.

While on the way back home, Alex was thinking about the dream he had and why the dream became twisted in his life and everything turns different, why was Abby appearing in the dream but never talked and why in the reality world, he had never talked to Abby much. Everything was hidden and no one knew except Alex and Abbie would know but for the time, the truth might only come from Abbie. Alex soon reached room, then Tiffany and Alex got out the car and waved to Shawn to thank him and Tiffany opened the door as the key was with Tiffany and both of them went in. Alex said to Tiffany, “Darling..why not you go up and take a bath while I prepared hot milk for you..”, then Tiffany replied, “Ok Dear…”, Tiffany went up and goes to the bathroom to take a bath while Alex was downstairs in the kitchen starting preparing the milk then Alex cell phone got a message, then Alex went over and look at it and saw that it was Abbie who messaged him and it wrote, “Dear Dear~”, by then , Alex was confused why Abbie would called him that and though it was a mistaken message then Alex replied, “Did you send to the wrong person??”, then after a while, Abbie replied, “No..You are Alex right??”, then Alex replied, “Ya...But I thought...ummmm...Nothing...”, then Abbie replied, “I miss you...I choose not to breakup with you...where are you??”, then Alex saw the replied and was confused but he didn’t know what else to do because he didn’t that he had not yet broken up with Abbie and on second thought, Alex felt that Abbie was lying and didn’t believe because when he was in the hospital on the particular accident, she never came or try to visit him at all, but all of a sudden, Abbie texted Alex again, “You said you will love me forever and never leave me but you broke your promise!”, then Alex started thinking and thinks back what exactly had happened and why did he and Abbie broke up. Soon, Tiffany went down stairs and came in the kitchen and saw Alex still holding the glass but the glass was empty then Tiffany asked Alex, “Dear...Where is my glass of milk??Umm…don’t tell me you wander off somewhere else and forgotten about the milk??”, then Alex quickly filled the milk powder and started preparing the milk and said, “Oh! Sorry Darling~ I just now was thinking about something else…”, then Tiffany asked, “What are you thinking??”, then Alex said, “Wait I finished this mixing this milk then I will tell you..You just waited me outside there the living room and later I talk with you”, then Tiffany replied, “Ooo...Ok…”, then not long Alex finished preparing the milk and went out to the living room and saw Tiffany lying on the sofa. Alex brings over the milk and gave it to Tiffany and started telling about what had happened just now in the kitchen. Then Tiffany listened and then said, “You had forgotten what had happened last time and it wasn’t your fault...You didn’t know it at all...I think you need to talk with Abbie that you had forgotten and tell her the truth...”, then Alex replied, “Ya...I should tell her...but I think not now yet because I want to remember why I did it and what really had happened...Sorry Darling...that I had mention about another girl..”, then Tiffany replied, “It’s ok Dear..I knew how you felt but at least you tell me the truth and never lied to me...And you do care about how I felt about liars...And that is why I had loved you in the first place…”

Soon, after that, Alex said to Tiffany, “Darling...let’s go sleep before it is too late because tomorrow you still need to wake up early and some more your eyes seems to be closing each second already…Oh ya Darling~ Wait a while, I got some coins that might fit into your eye lids..hehex..”, Alex laughing at Tiffany and she said, “Yor! You are so bad...Don’t want to talk to you already…hmmmppp…!”, then Alex replied while giggled, “I was just kidding only…Darling...Don’t angry already...Faster go up and sleep already…”, then Tiffany giggled and said, “Ok~ I go brush my teeth and then I will go sleep already..”, then Alex said with a big mouth open and both hands covering his mouth, “Yer…no wonder I just now smell something smelly la…it was you all the long..>..<” , then Tiffany with a grumpy face replied, “What la…aiyo…I where got smelly mouth wor..” , Alex replied , “Got leh..if not how to scare off the other guys from you rather than snatching you from me ar…hahax…”, then Tiffany replied, “Eh~! You so bad lor..Surely it was you who put something in my drinks that made my mouth smell smelly lo…..”, then Alex replied back, “Ya la..its me who do it lo..But you better get up and go to bed before I had to carry you upstairs...”, then Tiffany said, “Then I just stay here and wait you carry me upstairs la...~. ~ “, then Alex carried Tiffany upstairs and Tiffany giggled all the way long the staircase and Alex said, “Eh..Darling...you gained a lot leh...Please keep fit~ hahax... if not then later my hand patah(broke) la…” , then Tiffany replied, “I where got fat~ I just ok ok leh…You don’t train your muscles only leh…”, not long Alex carried Tiffany in his arms and place her on her bed and then takes the mattress to put on her and said, “Good night Darling~ Sweet Dreams~” , while kissing Tiffany on her lips and then Tiffany said, “Good night Dear~ Sweet Dreams Too~” , then Alex closed the lights and open a bit on the door because he knows that Tiffany is afraid of the dark and a little light would let her sleep more better. Then went back to his room and went to the toilet to brush his teeth and then wanted to start to go to sleep but then something came into his mind. It was about Abbie as he did not how to handle the problem and as well he really couldn’t remember anything about him being with Abbie, but then Alex suddenly saw a box that it looks like a cash box, then he tries to open it but with no luck he couldn’t but then in his mind a number came out, and it was 21 then he tries to open put the number into 21 and with his luck with a no key then he tries. (Click...) It was opened and then Alex saw some pictures of his previous years and then saw a picture that he kissed with and behind the picture something was wrote there, and it was “Alex Love Abbie” and then Alex flip back the picture and saw a girl that he guess that girl should be Abbie. Alex later went to the cupboard and tries to find what he could and then he saw a box that wrote, “Abbie” and he quickly opened it. He saw many stuffs that it should be belong to Abbie but then he saw a note inside written, “The past has gone…Love had never stay long but it was a memorable moment…”, he found a lot of things that belonged to girl and it was Abbie, but then Alex started to remember some things that had happened but everything was back into the times that how the items appeared in the box. He felt his head so pain that he tries to walk over to the table and then suddenly knocked on something on the shelf. A book felt off the shelf and it looks like a diary, then without hesitated; Alex brings the book over the table and started flipping through the pages and starting to know more about him. It was clearly that Alex had written that diary before the accident had happened. Alex knew what he was and how why did he break with Tiffany in the beginning and slowly how he met Abbie.

The story begins with Abbie and it was clearly that Abbie was an important in Alex heart once that he had given. Alex read the diary through pages and found out that he knew Abbie in the working place that he once had done a part time job in the company, Alex knew Abbie when one day, Abbie started her part time job in the company and Alex had first expression and had looked at her but quietly with a glance. One day, Alex tries to talk with Abbie and it was in the lift and then he asked Abbie question but because communicating with Abbie needed to use another language, then Alex by that time was not that good on communicating said something silly, and Alex asked Abbie whether tomorrow wanted to have lunch together but then because Alex pronouncing wasn’t that good, he said something differently and Abbie laughed at Alex and Alex was shy and didn’t dare to say anything at all but Alex did mention that he tries to get Abbie phone number but Abbie didn’t wanted to give. Then soon the next day, Alex didn’t talk at all because he wasn’t feeling so well and Abbie saw it, she thought it was because of yesterday the matter that made Alex felt unhappy and then Abbie quickly go over Alex place and had wrote her number in a piece of paper and gave Alex. Alex was astonished what had happened then suddenly Abbie gave her number. Alex had in mind that, “Eh..I thought she didn’t want to give me but why did she??” , not long, Alex and Abbie got closer and closer, Alex asked Abbie why did she gave her number to Alex and then Abbie said, “Because I saw you didn’t talk and I think you are sad because I never gave you my number ar..”, then Alex giggled and said, “No la~ I wasn’t feeling so well…”, then after , Alex and Abbie started sharing their meals together, but one day, Alex asked Abbie, “Do you have a boy friend?? “, then Abbie replied, “Ummm…No ar..”, then Alex had mind that how would a nice girl wouldn’t have a boy friend at all, but then not long, Alex knew that Abbie had a boy friend and soon Abbie admitted it and had said that she had been with her boy friend for 3 years. Abbie even told Alex that she and her boy friend had arguments and Alex didn’t want to spoil someone relationships and soon he tries to convince Abbie that should not think so much. Alex was used to be a nice guy and had always liked to help friends even though he had a feeling for someone but he would not said it to them because he didn’t wanted to lose a friend and he thinks that helping people happy is something good and he likes to be the “Good Guy” rather than the “Bad Guy” , but things changed very fast because one day, Abbie told Alex that she liked him and then Alex suggested a stupid idea and that was , being backup relationships, but in Alex mind, he knew that maybe a backup would cheer her up in times that she needed someone most but he was wrong, everything turns into a disaster and soon he becomes the “Bad Guy” and everything turns not the same as Alex is used to be. He became the guy that he never knew he would do even though he had rules for himself that he should not do this or that. Everything turns out not right that he chooses to snatch Abbie from her boyfriend. Alex and Abbie promised that when the full moons comes in the end of the year end , Alex and Abbie would be together and the fate had came upon them and on that particular night, there was a full moon appearing on the clear dark sky of many stars upon the sky and showing a full moon. Abbie told Alex that he would leave her boyfriend and stay with Alex but time was fate, because Alex and Abbie had many arguments but then someday, Alex founded that Abbie had get back with her boyfriend secretly and chatting with him all the long. Alex got angry and he knew that he hated this because he had previous experience that his ex had left him and found another guys just because Alex never say a word of it. Alex and Abbie argue and Abbie promises that not to find her ex but things just got complicated and things were not the same anymore. Alex had lost trust on Abbie because of the matters, soon, Alex and Abbie got separated but soon not long, Abbie finds Alex again and tell him that she was sorry about the matters and promises the same thing to Alex, but Alex had lost fate on Abbie because he thinks that if she could do this to me, then she will only continues because I forgives her. Alex kept control himself for not letting himself being together back with Abbie even though Abbie had given surprises on Alex birthday but Alex controls himself, Alex had changed and he started to become the “Cold Guy” that he would not be. He chooses the decision of letting go the chance he once that he wanted for so long but things really changed so fast. Alex soon found out that after the breakup, Abbie had gotten back together with her ex and it made Alex felt angrier but then Alex tries to cover up and said that it was a good idea that she was back with her ex as the only who can gives her happiness was her ex because Alex had a mind that, seeing people happy in relationships is better owning your own because you might not do better than others and why not let other had the happiness. When the right time comes, you will have your happiness and Alex always said this to himself to make himself felt more comfortable. Alex never knew what happen next because after that, his diary had stopped but he saw the each of the pages relating with Abbie was soft because the pages were wet before and it seems like tears on it.

Alex started to knew the truth of what had happened between himself and Abbie but then Alex could not get Abbie because he was with Tiffany and he knew that this moment, Tiffany need Alex most and Alex feelings had never change since the breakup with Tiffany but then he worries about Abbie because Abbie had sent a message to him and asking being back together. Alex do not know how explain the things to Abbie but he knew that someday Abbie would know. Alex knew that he had both feelings on both girls but everything was different. Then soon, Alex tries to flip back the pages before he knew Abbie, and found that he actually had many incidents happened but that was a matter of fact that was not yet been told. Alex had no decision on what to do but he knew that he needs to sleep because he cares about Tiffany and he worries about Tiffany at the moment. Alex went over to his bed and lay on it and starts to think what to do but he could not think anything at all and soon a while later, Alex closes his eyes just to take a nap and then he dozes off. He started to have dreams again and this time comes to…….

Chapter 5 – Awaken and the Nightmare

2011-01-22T02:07:00.002+08:00

Chapter 5 – Awaken and the Nightmare

During the last thing that happened to Alex, the truth had come to an end. Everything was actually a dream only, because Alex had been sleeping all the time in the hospital and he had never woke up since the time he had the accident. Then one day he finally woken up but it was the time when he was with Tiffany finally being together in the dream world that he would wanted it to be. Everything was so clear that he finally realized that he would have headache all the time and each time he went to sleep and the time seems to go so fast because everything was only a dream. Tiffany hopes and everything was just a dream that he had. He had never saw or contact Tiffany since the day Alex and Tiffany had been parted from those years. Each time he had the headaches is because he was being injected an needle for cure in the real world and each time the injections will give him a pain in the mind that needs to be wake up but Alex had never past the wakes but finally he awaken when he finally thought that he would be forever with Tiffany but fate never comes to him.

Everything was the same when he first saw in his dream as he had passed the future and going back time to repeat the same incident. Once again, the nurse saw Alex and quickly calls up the doctor for help. This time, Alex had slept 5 months since the accident had happened but no came to see Alex. No one had ever known what had happened to him or care about him. It was something that Alex had done wrong in the past that got him no friends for accompany. Things really came so fast and soon Alex slowly remembers about the past and how he treated his friends. He was an orphan; he grew up in the church. He had fewer friends as he always stays alone and never joins the party even though he was being invited. He has a job that does freelance, Alex indeed had money but then it was how he work out for but he always donates to the charity but why would it happen to a guy that was nice but do not have friends visited him. Answers are growing faster and faster and it was because not that no friends would wanted to visit him is because no one knew what exactly had happened to him and he stays alone in the lonely big house that has everything that he ever needed. He was a guy that does not have faith on himself and slowly after that, he saw his cell phone, that he was in the dream he had and the incident was the same that had ever happened to him. He then saw 3 favorite numbers on his list but it was the same 3 numbers that he foresees in his dream but he saw Tiffany number had not been called for some months before his accident had happened. Alex followed back his dream steps and try to called Tiffany but the phone rang but no one pick up, then he called again but indeed no one pick up the call. Then he try to call another number that was SA, but it came out the same result that no one picked up the call, and soon he tried the last call on the last number but it came out the same result. Everything was so different from his dream. Alex knew that he is the reality world and nothing would ever change in that matter.

Everything seems so perfect in the dream but after all it was only a dream, the story slowly begins the sadness and the happiness slowly to fade away one by one. Alex soon was discharged from the hospital and he soon not long he came to his house as he remember where he stay and every possible daily routines he had but there is still one memory that he still couldn’t really remember at all. Alex had really forgotten some of the memories he used to have but it might be a good news or bad news for him but everything was turning into fate that he should had forgets it or did he?? The mind that Alex had been thinking all this time might be coming into an end because everything he thinks and has right now has no more meaning already. He had led a life of miserable but he never gave up himself but times really hurt because in the reality he had sickness that could not be cured. He had only a year time for living and he never expected much from it, the life’s of Alex had slowly coming into the end as everything has turned up in his life.

Soon not long while Alex was laying on the bed, his phone rang, (brrrinnngggbriiingnnnnggg..) Alex cell phone rang loudly that Alex got shocked when he was thinking what to do with only a year time life. It was Abbie that had called, and Alex looked at it a while and then picked up. Everything came in Alex mind and soon not long Alex had say “hello” on the phone, he fainted without any answers back to Abbie. Everything went black and Alex was back into the dream. Darkness awaits Alex in the dark………the chapter came short….because Alex should not have the happy ending in his mind….he never gave hope on what he would wanted but only wishes and lucks back to them….soon…Alex would come to the end…the next chapter would be depends on the comments that what would next chapter should be turn out to be…or might this be ending of the chapters in the next chapter…Would it be that Alex was only in the dream of the nightmare or was he still in the office having the dinner with Tiffany or might he be back in the reality world of loneness??? Give your comments and how would the story should be turn out to be….

Chapter 4: 7 Years

2011-01-13T21:43:00.001+08:00

Chapter 4: 7 Year
Back in the previous chapter, Alex went to back to his room and tries to sleep as he had important things to do in the next morning. In his dream, something came into his dream and it was Tiffany, he dreamt of being together with Tiffany and the old times that they had together for seven years ago. The dream was different that he had in the previous fall down, because in this dream, he dreamt that he was together with Tiffany in the coming time. He saw something different and it was similar with a video MV that he used to watch and listen. The song was 7 Years. It resembled him how he reacts and it would come to him and this time the dream didn’t ended fast but it gives Alex a mind to try going on with her but it was only a dream but the dream was so real that Alex had forgotten about the rules that he had made.

(Brrrrrriiiiiiinnnnngggggggg!!!!!) The alarm clock rang and it’s time for him to wake up, Alex was awaken from his dream when the special moment in he was waiting in the dream came but everything suddenly went black and only the rings of the alarm clock are to be heard. Alex quickly got up while his head ached and he picked up his alarm clock and looked at it and he remembered that he needed to call Tiffany to wake up as it is time for her to go to work before she is late for work. While he walks out from his room, he suddenly saw Tiffany standing on the door, she was waiting for Alex and Alex said, “Hey, morning~ but why are you standing there? Aren’t you sleeping??” Then Tiffany replied, “I didn’t sleep much last night and I was in your room the whole night looking at you and I had been thinking about it all night, I had made a decision, I wanted to be with you, I know that we had wasted a lot of time in the past, and I didn’t want it to be like that anymore, I do still have the feeling with you and I feel very touched that you had remembered everything about us and you are still the same Mr. Nice Guy that I had ever known. Can we still be together? “, while Tiffany saying this, she cried and Alex came to her and wipe of her tears and said, “Don’t cry anymore…”, but Tiffany continued said, “ Can we be together?? “, and Tiffany looking at Alex with tears, but then Alex said, “Do you remembered we played before “Press Button Game”? “ , Tiffany smiled a while but still crying and then said, “I remember!! “, and then Alex said, “Ok, when I press on your left shoulder then you will be a stone but when I press on your right shoulder then you will become invisible”, then Alex put his hand on Tiffany left shoulder and said, “Ok, now you had become a stone and stone doesn’t cry…”, then Tiffany can’t stop crying and then Alex put his hand on Tiffany right shoulder and said, “Ok~ now you had become invisible and because you had become invisible, I only have the braveness to tell you that, “I had told myself before, the next time you are alone again, I will be there for you and this time I will take the chance of being together with you and I still love you so much as before and I will never let you go anymore because we had wasted a lot of time in the past”, then Tiffany hugged Alex and said, “I am so sorry about what we had been last time, and I can’t forget about what we had been and I never been believe in relationship at all and I only believe in myself only…” , while Tiffany was saying all this, she kept on crying and continue to say, “I don’t know how to explain but all I know that, I would think of you every time and when I do anything…can we be together??, Tiffany couldn’t stop crying and then Alex said, “Ok…let’s be together again…”, Alex hold on Tiffany hands and then suddenly Tiffany gave Alex a kiss on the lips.

But then, time passed and then Alex told Tiffany, “Hey~ quickly take a bath and change, you still need to go to work as well…I also need to go to work as well already…” , and then Tiffany replied, “okok..(Giggled)... I better go now before I will be late..hehex..”, then both of them went to prepare their stuff and get ready for work, but then Alex quickly went downstairs and prepared breakfast for Tiffany and soon not long Tiffany was ready and came downstairs and smelled a very delicious smell coming out from the kitchen and then Tiffany went in to the kitchen and saw Alex cooking, then Tiffany quietly went behind Alex and hugged Alex and said, “Wah~ it looks so delicious~ I am so hungry right now already, when will it be ok??” , then Alex and with a surprised being hugged by Tiffany said, “Oh my gosh~, didn’t know you came down already, oo..it will be ok soon, you just waited outside and everything will be ready soon,” then Tiffany replied, “OK~ I will get the plates and glasses ready for us…hehex..i will get the milk from the fridge…” then soon not long everything went as order and Alex and Tiffany helped each other and then everything went as order, then Alex set the breakfast into the plates and then Tiffany filled the glasses with milk. Both of them laughed at each other and together said to each “Good morning~” and this made them laugh again as it was funny for them because it was the first time they had breakfast together and in the room of just the two of them. Tiffany looked at the breakfast and showed a frown face to Alex and then Alex asked Tiffany, “What happen?? You don’t like the food??”, then Tiffany replied, “No..It is just that…it looks so delicious and it was the first breakfast you ever had cooked for me and I wanted to take a picture for it and kept in memory…”, then Alex giggled and said to Tiffany, “Silly girl…Food are meant to eat and not to look..I thought you didn’t like the food…faster finish your food before it is really too late for work…”, then Tiffany and Alex each other fed each other like a couple life and soon after they finishes their food, Alex get the dishes and then Tiffany also helped Alex to take the dishes into the kitchen and Alex said, “ Hey..You better get going now because your work place is quite far away from here...I will clear these things and I also need to go work as well..”, then Tiffany said,” Okok~ you take care…I will be going now..”, then Tiffany gave a kiss to Alex and went out, then after Alex finishes the dishes, he quickly packed his things and went to work as usual.

Alex was ready to go to work but suddenly his phone rang and it was Abbie calling in and Alex picked it up and said, “Hello…” and Abbie replied, “Hello…umm…”, then Abbie closed the call and never called again. Alex was confused what Abbie wanted to tell him but Alex never minded about her and because he needs to go to work. Then while Alex was on the way to work, he was thinking of something and the reminder always goes to his mind, whether the decision he made was right or wrong for being together with Tiffany but then Alex tries not to think about it because if he knows if he thinks too much then the matter will become worst. Alex had remembered everything about everything and not all of it, but some parts of it that related to his work and friends and Tiffany. Alex soon arrived at his workplace and started work as usual and many of his colleagues went to him and asked about his accident and about what had happen. It was unusual for someone for to be in the hospital and no one ever knew about but then Alex why they didn’t appear because they did went over there but then Alex was still in sleeping in the hospital and that was the reason why Alex never knew anyone came. Then came in Shawn, that was the partner with Alex to propose the project that was being assigned, and then Shawn said, “Alex!!! You finally are back, so how about the project, has it been done yet?? We need it quick and we need to show it to the boss already…” and Alex replied, “Give me some time and later we will discuss about it….”, and soon it took hours for Alex and Shawn to discuss about the project and then suddenly Alex phone rang, and it was Tiffany and then Alex quickly picked it up and Tiffany said, “Dear…still at work??”, and then Alex replied, “Yes…Darling..I still have some work to do..Where are you now??”, then Tiffany replied, “I just finished work…umm…why not I come over and wait for you?”, then Alex replied, “umm…it’s ok Darling..You do need to come over because I still have some more things I need to do else in office…”, then Tiffany said, “ooo…okok...” with a low voice and then Alex said, “Darling..Don’t be sad...I will be fast as soon as possible to call you back later…”, then Tiffany said, “ooo..Okok…bye dear...”, then Alex replied, “okok…Darling~bye~”, then both of them close the phone and then Alex quickly continue on his work and time passes on. Tiffany had a plan and went to the hawker’s store that she and Alex used to eat in the past and then went to get some foods for each other.

Soon, not long, Tiffany came to Alex workplace with the foods, and she went up to the building where Alex is working. Then she saw Alex colleague Shawn and asked where is Alex and he pointed to the direction where Alex was, Shawn nicely show the way because he saw Tiffany carrying the food and then he went out to the toilet then Tiffany walked behind Alex a distance away and called Alex on his cell phone, and then Alex phone rang and then Alex saw the time and was surprised and answer the call and said, “Ooopppsss….sorry darling..I didn’t saw the time..I am sorry that I didn’t call you back because I was busy doing my work…”, but then Tiffany stopped Alex talking and said, “Soh gua…I know you are working hard but it’s time for you to eat as well..Working also need to remember to eat as well…”, then Alex replied, “Okok..I know but ummm…have you eaten yet??”, then Tiffany said, “Nope...I was waiting for you…and waiting for you really takes so long time…you can let me stand over there for so long ooo…quickly come over and help with the heavy stuffs …”, then Alex was surprised and looked behind and saw Tiffany holding the the foods in the bags on her hands and quickly walk over with a giggle on his face. Then Alex said to Tiffany, “Soh poh..Why you didn’t tell me earlier...i thought you went out to eat with your friends…Come...Let’s go over there and eat…let me carry those…”, then Tiffany giggled and said, “Ok~hehex...”, then the both of them went over the corner and takes out the food and started to eat but then Alex suddenly asked Tiffany, “Thank you so much for coming over and getting me the food…hehex..It’s very touching...hahax...”, then Tiffany laughed and said to Alex, “You are my Dear wor~ hahax...we should had been together since the first time…hehex...”, but then in the mind of Alex, he was thinking that, how about how about the Tiffany the another guy, but he didn’t wanted to think about it or ask about Tiffany about it, and then Tiffany knew what Alex was thinking and then said to him, “Don’t worry Dear…I had chosen my decision already..This time everything will be alright and I will be living in your place so you need to take care of me ooo..hahax..”, then Alex laughed and said, “Ok~ I will! I will!!hahax…”, and Tiffany said, “ Quit talking and faster eat already la Dear~ I am so hungry waiting for you already…hahax..>..< “, then Alex giggled and said, “Sorry Darling...let’s eat before it gets cold...hahax...”, then they together eat their dinner and then….waiting for the next chapter to continue…

Chapter 3 : The Unforgettable Memory

2011-01-09T06:50:00.000+08:00

Chapter 3: The Unforgettable Memory

When I went to door, I opened the door. I saw Tiffany was still in her working attires, then I saw Tiffany was not happy but not just looking at her gives me the feeling but it’s another feeling that gives me feel that she was not happy at all and something was not right. I knew she was not happy but I couldn’t tell what exactly it was that was making my mind keep thinking of it. I opened the door and Tiffany said, “What took you so long to open the door?? Come and help me get my things in…quickly…it’s heavy!”, then I was like, “oh,okok..Sorry~”, then Tiffany giggled and I quickly take her things back in the house. I was confused why did her luggage was behind brought here and I did not try to ask Tiffany what was inside but then a few minutes later, Tiffany spoke, “Wei~ Why didn’t you ask why was the luggage here and asked about me??”, then I replied, “I do not know why I didn’t asked but I think it’s better that you tell because I feel that there is something wrong with you but I just couldn’t tell what exactly it was.” , then Tiffany was in surprise and said, “Hey~ do you know that you was like that last time and you could feel that I was not feeling alright and you wouldn’t talk anything but just waited for the right time for me to say it.” , then I just replied ,” Was I? I think maybe I was like that but I knew you had something but just couldn’t tell what it was. Anyway, what happened?? You and him argued??”, when I say you and him argued, I was confused why I would know and then asked that question. Then Tiffany was surprised and asked, “You remembered something?? You remembered about me?? Yes, I had an argued with him but he just couldn’t trust me! I told him that you and me are only friends but he never trust me…..”, but before Tiffany could finish, I replied, “Hey...I am sorry about that but you do not need come to visit each day, I can take care of myself and I do not want to disturb u, you shouldn’t came because it will spoil your relationship with him…”, then suddenly I felt unconscious and fell to the ground.

I started to dream, I started to go back to past in my dreams. I slowly resemble about Tiffany memory that stores in my mind. I can see and feel the past that I had with her. The dream time passes so fast and each line was so clear and each action is so clear. I knew Tiffany when I was 17, I knew her in a online chatting website, I still remember that I had asked her about her phone number and I started to SMS with her, I still remembered that at that time I had a relationship but I had problems with it, I still remembered that she helped me to not think so much, after some time, my relationship broke up and sometime later I coupled with Tiffany but the time was short because it ended up in 3 months later but during the 3 months time, I started to know about her and we went out together, I still remembered where the place I had met her and it was nearby her house the railway station, I knew the place that we first went out together and it was nearby her place the shopping complex, I still remembered the first kiss I gave her and the feeling, but it all didn’t last long, we had arguments but I always had to say sorry to her and I never minded about that, I still remember when I went shopping with Tiffany, we saw a teddy bear and I saw that she liked it but I never buy it on the spot because I wanted to give her a surprise and I brought it the next day and then bring it to her house to give her a surprise but she never came out and I just left it there, I still remembered the sad and disappointed feelings in the scene, the memory is so clear that it shows back the time that I had cooked the soup for her and I went to market to get the ingredients, not only that, I also made mango pudding for her, but all the scenes was so fast that I saw I had took many pictures with her and that time me and her was so happy and I could saw the smiles. In the middle, I saw that we had broken up but we had taken pictures as well but the pictures could tell us that we are meant for each because the pictures are perfectly matched but it ended. The time was different, I saw the time becoming into a single life and she was not there anymore, she had left but I had missed 5 years birthday of hers, each year, I had hoped to be there on her birthday and give her a birthday that I had baked based on her favorite flavor but I failed to give her each time because she doesn’t need me to be there and she doesn’t know that. Then I remembered each time she had problems, I would be there for her but I never try to get her because I feel that being there for her is better because at least being an angel for her at her side would stay forever but being couple would not end up the thing I wanted for her because when I am coupled with her, she would had bad times and sadness because I scare that I would hurt her in the end and I wouldn’t want that so I choose the best path that being her best friend and her secret angel would be the best way. All memory I had with her came back but all lasted with sweetness but painful in the heart.

“Alex!Alex!!Alex!! Wake up!! “, Tiffany was scared but couldn’t do anything but just to wake Alex up, then Alex opened his eyes slowly and said, “Tiffany..Is that you?? What are you doing here?? Where am i??”, then Tiffany cried, “Yes!Yes! It’s me Tiffany! You know that you frightened me?? I was so scare that you would not wake up...Doing ever do like that again ok?? I wanted to tell you…” before Tiffany could say anything some more, Alex try to get up and said, “I am ok but just now I had a dream and I remembered about you and what we had gone through..Why are you here?”, then Tiffany said, “You remembered about me?? I wanted to tell you that I had broken up with him and I needed to stay here because I don’t intend to go back to him…I had read your diary and I know how much you done for me…I am so sorry that I had never appreciated what you had done and you told me because you don’t want to see me sad at all but do you know that you are silly…? You should had told me about how you feel and what you had done for me…I am sorry that I never noticed about it…everything’s is not too late if you only told me…Don’t ever do that to me okk??”, Alex got up and said, “Silly girl…it’s only for your own good…if we stay that way, I will know more about you and could only be possible to help you all times. Come~ let’s sit over there and talk…I had remembered everything about us…”, Alex and Tiffany walked over the cushion and sat together, then Tiffany wanted to say something but Alex closed her mouth and say, “Shhh…let me say something first…we always argue and have bad times and I don’t want that thing to happened all the time and I am not suitable for you..You needed him more than you ever needed me…being your best friend is a better choice for us…since we are best friends then you could tell me anything and we had been that since 3 years ago and everything turns out alright…I know that you had argument with him but you shouldn’t come here…it only turns out even worst...if not he will really thinks that we had something...come…let’s get your things upstairs and the next day you must get back to him because it’s too late in the mid night…I know you hungry already...mmm…let me get your things upstairs and I will cook something for you…you just have a rest upstairs and when its ready…I will bring it upstairs to you…shh…and don’t argue with me…and just go…”, Tiffany smiled a little and listened to Alex and Alex brings up the heavy luggage into the room and Tiffany laid on the bed and started to take a nap but then Alex went over to the bed and take the mattress and put over to cover Tiffany and then wiped her tears on her and told her, “It’s cold nowadays..Better put a mattress on before you get a cold...ok? Just take a nap then I will prepare the food…just be a good girl...don’t think about the sad things…just try to take a rest…”, then Tiffany looked at Alex and Alex waved at Tiffany and closes the door and went to the kitchen. He started to prepare the ingredients but Alex planned to cook Tiffany favorite dish but then some ingredients are not available but Alex plans to cook something else and Alex speaks in his mind, “Umm…what should I cook since there is not enough ingredients…I know…I think now the best time to cook is porridge since now is already that late and those shops are closed…I know…I will cook that…”, then Alex started preparing the foods and started to cook the porridge and then prepares another type of dish so that Tiffany won’t be bored eating porridge. Soon, Alex had finished cooking the foods and not long, he brings up to the room and knocked on the door and said, “Tiffy...the food is ready…can I come in now??”, then Tiffany woke up and said, “Sure…come on in…”, then Alex came in the room and Tiffany saw the dish that Alex had prepared and said, “Hey~ It smells good~ mmm….what was it??” , then Alex said , “See for yourself and help yourself…hehe…” , Alex giggled and saw Tiffany eyes sparkled and then Tiffany says, “Oh! You still remembered that dish… It has been so long since you ever cooked that…umm…I hope the taste is still the same…hehe...” , then Alex said, “Ya…just try it…hoped you like it…”, after that, Tiffany quickly take the spoon and wanted to put to eat the food and quickly takes the food and put on her mouth and Alex stopped her and said, “Hey …silly girl…the food is still hot…you should not try eat that fast…let me blow it for you…”, then Alex takes the spoon that is filled with the food and blow It and gave it to Tiffany and said, “Okok..Now you can eat it but it is still a bit hot…ah…open your mouth…”, and Alex feed Tiffany but she only could smiled and giggled then looking at Alex eyes and then Alex said, “Why are smiling and giggled?? Is there something in my face or my eyes??hahahax…”, then Tiffany replied, “Ohh…it is just that it’s been a long time since ever I had eaten the food you had cooked and you still cares about me…you even remembered my favorite food and that was the very first dish that I had remembered you cooked for me during the time we are together in the past. The taste is still the same and filled with care and you had done very same thing that you had done last time, you blow the food and worries that it is too hot and you knew that I would be in a hurry to eat if I was so hungry…you even remember what I like to drink…thank you so much everything that you still had done for me even though it had been years…”, and then Alex said, “Silly girl..Quickly finish your food before the foods turn cold, if not then the food is not delicious anymore..hahahax…after your meal then you need to take a good rest because its late in the night already and you need to get to work the next day…”, then Tiffany just followed what Alex said and quickly finish the food.

Soon, after Tiffany had finished the food, Alex said to Tiffany, “It’s time to get to sleep and you needed plenty of rest as you always slept late and you should stay that way…it’s not good for your health and some more you should eat when you are hungry…don’t always over work yourself…ok~ you should go sleep now…sleep tight…”, then Tiffany didn’t say anything because she do not know what else to say as Alex had said everything that she wanted to hear and just like the past that Alex had remembered. Then Alex cover the mattress on Tiffany and then went out of the room but before he could close the door, Tiffany said, “Good night Alex!! Thank you so much for everthing….”, Alex just replied, “It’s ok and good night to you too…”, then Alex return back into his room and started to get to sleep as well because he was tired and he started to get to sleep as soon as possible but before he could do that, he prepared the alarm clock but not on his daily alarm time but it’s for Tiffany time because he knew that Tiffany would over sleep and get late into work. So the time pass on and then everything comes to the next chapter………

Chapter 2 : The Unknown Caller

2011-01-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

Chapter 2 : The Unknown Caller

(zzzzzzz.....) The environment outside my window was cold indeed as it started to rain heavily. Then my phone suddenly came in a SMS and I was awake from my sleep. A sender that has no name appear on my phone screen. It only shows a text that says "hi" and next thing i would probably do would only be reply it with a text "Who are you?". A minute or later then the unknown sender replied me with "I am Abbie" and by that moment, i didn't recognize who she was as I already has lost my memory. Then I quickly try to think hard who she was but at last I just replied her back with "Oh..sorry..I had an accident a few weeks ago..I don't seem to remember anything but could you tell me who you are and do I know you?.." After that message, then she didn't reply to me anymore. It just ended just like that without any answers. Then I got up from my bed and I try to think who she was but I still didn't manage to figure it out. (Bringgggg......) My phone suddenly rings then I saw another caller calling me and it was Shawn and without hesitation I quickly answer the called and then "Woii!!Alex Fong Lik Sun!!! Where were you these few days??? I had trying to contact you to discuss about the project 934. It is very important! Do you know that??? We only have 2 more weeks before the due date comes. Where are you now???" . Then I just replied "I had an accident a few weeks ago. I am sorry that i didn't return your call. I am at home right now but I will return to you as soon as possible the next day.I am very sorry about it but please give me some time to packed up the documents first." Then Shawn replied "Okok~ you better be fast!!" then Shawn close the call.

Soon, Tiffany came up and knocked on the door, "Alex~ Dinner is served~ Quickly get up and wash your face and have your meal~ " then Tiffany went in the room and saw me sitting on the bed thinking hardly about who was the unknown caller and about the project that Shawn had mentioned. Then suddenly I look up and saw Tiffany in front of me and I jumped a little because I didn’t notice her that she was in front of me. Then Tiffany giggled and I said, "Hey~Dinner is ready? I didn't notice that you came in already.”, then Tiffany replied, "I had already knocked on the door and called you but you are dozed off. Dinner is ready already. Faster come and follow me to go downstairs to have your dinner. I had cooked some of your favourite foods. Come quickly before the food gets cold.”. Then I suddenly giggled as I remember something that I used to tell her that to eat before the foods get cold. Tiffany seems nice but the feeling that she gave me shows that we are just more than just best friends. I followed Tiffany went downstairs and I saw the most delicious meal that I ever saw. Then I ask Tiffany about what relationship before then Tiffany just replied, “We were actually couples before but then we broke up and end up as best friends. We had never talked for some time but then you never gave up on me and still treated me so caring but I never appreciated the chances that you had done for me. I am sorry about it but I didn’t appreciate it well and I got in another relationship.”, but before Tiffany could talk on more, her phone suddenly rang and she picked it up the phone. Tiffany said on the phone, “Hello~ I am coming back now~ I got some work to do and its going be done. Later chat~ “ , before I can ask Tiffany anymore question, Tiffany just said , “Alex~ I need to go back now but I will come visit you again when I have time ok? Anyway, remember to take your medicine, I had placed it on the table and listed out timetable schedule for you already. Remember to drink plenty of water~ if there is anything just call me ok??” .Then I just said to Tiffany, “Thanks for everything, I will take care of myself and I will follow the instructions but you remember to take care as well. You better be going now if not you are late.” Tiffany quickly packed her things and get into her car and starts the engine but I just send her out to her car and watched her to leave. During the time she left, I suddenly had feeling of sad and disappointment but I didn’t know why I feel like that. Anyway, before I could ask Tiffany anything more, she had already left. I got back into my house and start to eat the dinner that Tiffany had prepared for me. I suddenly had the feeling of happy and touched but I do not know why I had that kind of feeling or maybe its because even me and Tiffany had broke up in the past but she still treated me nice and caring. After I had finished the meal, I went to the living room and have a look around and I try to walk around the house and then I walked into my bedroom. Then, I went into my shelf and I saw a box that had a lock on it and then I saw a key on the side on it. I try to test my luck to see whether it was that key to unlock the box. Then with luck, I managed to open it and some pictures inside the box. I saw pictures of me and Tiffany in the past and some phone accessories that was used in the past due to the accessories was old and the strings colour are dropping. Then I remember something about me and Tiffany in the past. I suddenly had the image that I had promised her something and it seems that it was fading because I didn’t exactly know what I had promised and say to her. I try to think about it but I don’t seem to remember. I was tired due to the medicine has sleeping effect and then I went to sleep directly.

I didn’t notice that I was in the dream, then I dreamt of something that happen in the past about me and Tiffany, I seemed to go back into the time where I first knew Tiffany and I dreamt of the times that I used to talk with her and the happy days that me and Tiffany had. During the happy dream, it suddenly came in the nightmare and then suddenly the time and places changes. I dreamt of me and Tiffany breaking up and I saw myself keep on calling Tiffany and asked her what I had done wrong but she ignored me and left me there. I suddenly got woke up but it was not the dream that got me up but my phone rang and it was the unknown caller and then I picked up the phone. “Hello~Hello~” but nobody replied and I knew the number was Abbie but because I remember the number that I received this afternoon. Then I said, “Abbie?? Is that you? Say something..” but she didn’t replied and she closes the call. I was confused why Abbie never say anything but just called me. I didn’t try to call her back and I am feeling dizzy and just continued back into my sleep. In my dream, I dreamt of Abbie but with blur faces as the dream was different because I was looking back at myself and saw myself texting on the phone and I walk closely to see who am I texting to and I saw it was Abbie and then with curios mind, I saw myself texting break up text but I didn’t know I had did that. Then, by that time, I realised that Abbie had been couple with me before but I don’t recall having that memory. I continued watch myself typing the SMS text and then I finally realised that why I had wrote those because she had something hiding from me and had lie to me but then before I can know what was that, I suddenly woke up from my dream and it was my alarm clock that woke me up.

Time has passed so fast but in my dream, I remember two relationships that had happen before in my pass and both I had ended alone in the line. I woke up in early in the morning and I continue to do my daily routine and went into the toilet and brush my teeth, While I was doing that, I realised something that I kept on thinking about the questions that why Tiffany had left me but at last came back and treating me so caring but I do not why that I had the feeling of sad and disappointed that she won’t be the same feeling anymore. I got the six sense feeling that she has a boyfriend already but then I try to think other thing and then suddenly came in the another memory that was about Abbie. I had the feeling of hate but I do not known why that I had that kind of feeling and it seems that my dream was related as it gives me that a feeling of something I should had known but I do not know what it is and the only thing that I knew that it must be something to do with the something she has hided from me but I found out about the thing but I had lost the memory before I could found out in my dream. (Rinnnggggg……) My phone was ringing in my room and I quickly went to get it but then it’s too late already because the phone had stopped ringing. I saw Abbie calling me again but this time I never got the chance to pick it up but I do not know why that I never try to call back and I had the feeling of not calling back. Then my phone rang again and it was Abbie again calling me but I was just standing there looking at my phone and asking myself whether want to pick up the phone or not but at last my decision was that I never picked the call. I had missed the call but then I put down the phone and try to open my notebook and some files that listed important and I open the file and the saw the files that about the project.

I quickly continue on the file about the project and try to understand what project is that about. Then I saw the projects are quite big but then suddenly my phone rang again but this time, it was Shawn and I quickly picked up the call, “Hey Alex!!How is the project going now??Did you read about it or did you forget??” , then I replied, “Okok..I am reading right now…Give me some time and I will get back to you as soon as possible.” , and I closed the call. I continue on the research on the project and I found it took me some time to understand what the project was mainly about. It was six in the evening and I didn’t notice that I took so many hours busy doing the research on the project. (Rinnnngggggg…..) My phone rings again and this time it was Tiffany, and I quickly picked it up and then Tiffany said, “Alex! How are you feeling right now? Did you take your medicine yet??”, then I replied, “Ummm…I am feeling alright but then I am busy doing my work right now and I had forgotten take my medicine as I had work until I had forgotten.>..<” , then Tiffany replied , “What!!! You better go take your medicine right now and take your dinner!! You should take more rest rather than starting working on your things. I am coming later…” but before I could say anything to her, she had closed the phone. I do not want to waste any more time and I just continue on my research while waiting for Tiffany to come around but then something got on my mind that I had to take medicine because I am hungry and I walk down to the kitchen to get some bread to eat and then take my medicine. I still remember in my phone that I had one contact that I haven’t called yet and I went back upstairs and got my phone and open up the contact lists. I searched for Sa that I remember I wanted to call her but I never got the chance. Then I press on the button to call her and then (tut tut…tut tut..tut tut…) but nobody answer the phone at all. It remained the same and then I never called again. Not long, then I hear my doorbell rings and I quickly went down to the gate to see who was it and it was Tiffany. She saw me and waved at me and I quickly went to open the door for her. Then………

Chapter 1: The Lost Memory

2011-01-04T23:37:00.002+08:00

Chapter 1: The Lost Memory

I was driving back from home as usual, in those working days and the tiring days. As my daily routine as usual, I always have a lot to think and it seems that I could not take off my mind that I was thinking about the past. At the mean time, I was waiting for the traffic light to turn green and then something came to my mind, "Why am I always thinking those matters? It does not concern to me at all.” Soon after that, the traffic light turn green, then without any notice, a car drove pass the red traffic light and I had already move towards the path without any notice of the car coming towards my car and then "BANG!!!” All of the sudden, everything went silent and my car was hit till it roll over and collide. I was trap inside my car; I could not move or feel anything at all because my whole body is stuck and I was trap inside the car. I was so scared that I could not move out of the vehicle but I could only do is shouted help and try my best to move out of the car. The next thing I remember, I saw some people getting out of their vehicles and coming towards me and then everything went blank. “Poof~”

The next thing I woke up, I found myself laying on the bed but I didn’t know how long I had slept but one thing I knew that it wasn’t my bed at all, I just knew that I was in the hospital bed. I was shocked but I don't seem to remember anything at all and my head really hurts. I saw a mirror on the bed side; I took it and saw myself something wrapped on my forehead. I was feeling very dizzy but then some time later came in the nurse and the doctor, "Hello Alex! How are you feeling? Do you remember what had happened before you ended up here?” I was confused and felt very dizzy and I just nod my head that showing I do not know what exactly had happened at all. Then I ask the doctor, “Who am I? You called me Alex? It’s that my name? Why am I here? What happened to me? How come I could remember anything at all?", then the doctor replied, "Your name is Alex, you had an car accident last week, your were in a coma but you are lucky that you had woke up and you had a serious accident that night but you do not have any serious injuries but you got some minor scratches on your head but you might have some memory lost due that you had been knocked on your head but it’s ok because you will remember back your memories but the bad news is that I can’t tell you when you will remember your memories but it depends on yourself. Some people might take some hours or days or even months. I am very sorry about it but I can’t do anything about it."

After some days staying in the hospital, I finally realized that I do not have any family. I was alone, and then I saw my phone on the side, the nurses had kept my phone for me during the accident that had happened when I got into the hospital. I searched thru my phone to find some contacts that I had recently had called. I saw some contacts in the favorite group; I saw two contacts that I had kept. It was Tiffany and Sa. Luckily, it had stored some pictures in the contacts but I could not recognize who they are and why they are in my favorite group or maybe they are my best friends or my girlfriends. I really do not know what I am thinking at all. I try to call one of them, and I try calling Tiffany. Soon the phone is being picked up, then “Hello~hello~hello~….” but I kept quiet because I do not what to say but because I want to know about myself and what relationship I had with her then I ask. “Hey…Do you know me???Because I recently had an accident and I had forget who I am and I do not know who are you. Could you tell me? “Then Tiffany replied, “Hey Alex, don’t play a joke with me ok??” then I hesitated replied, “I am not kidding. I really am in the hospital now and I really forgotten who I am already. Please tell me who am I and who am I to you?

After some time, Tiffany told me that she was my best friend and tells me who I was and where I stay and what I do. Then I finally know more about myself and what I do in the past before I had the accident. After the talk, we close the call and I got ready to get out of the hospital and just then Tiffany SMS me that she will be coming to hospital to pick me up. While I was waiting for Tiffany, I remembered there is another called that I had to make that was calling Sa, and then I quickly picked up the phone and called Sa. I lifted up the phone and listen for the pickup but no one picked it up then I called again but it was the same. At the mean time, I think maybe Sa was busy then I just waited a while and then Tiffany called and asked me which room I am at and I quickly told her the room number I was. Soon, I saw Tiffany and she helped me out to the registration counter to get me out of the hospital. While I was in the car with Tiffany, she asked me what had happened to me and asked me what really happened but the only I can tell her is that I just know about the car accident but I do not what exactly had happened during the accident and how it occurred. I told Tiffany that I am tired and I want to take a nap first as I really feeling very dizzy and not long I reached home that I should called it home because Tiffany was fetching me back home. Then Tiffany looked at me and says, this is your home with a smile. Then I got out of the car and Tiffany showed me the way and gotten my keys and opened my house door. I walk in but I could not remember anything about the house decoration but I could only sense the smell that I used to be in. I was thirsty and I suddenly walked in to the kitchen to get a cup of water. Then Tiffany say something, “Hey Alex, you still remember to go to your kitchen and you managed to get your drink. Are you remembering something??” I was puzzled why I suddenly can walk to the kitchen but it is a good thing and at least I knew that it was my house if not then I would not walk thru the way even though I had forgotten.

After some time, I asked Tiffany showed me some of the rooms that goes to my room because I really am dizzy and do not know where is my room at all. Then Tiffany brings me go up and went into my room. When I entered my room, I saw pictures of myself and then I asked Tiffany, “Tiffy, how come my room pasted a lot of my own pictures?? I do like take picture right? “Then Tiffany giggled and said “Don’t you remember that you like take pictures a lot when you are young? You pasted up those pictures because you wanted to keep fit and slim down so that you can wear nicer clothes.” Then all of the sudden “Was I like that?? Haha…anyway thanks a lot for accompany me and without you I would not had come back home and know something about myself.” Tiffany replied, “It’s ok, you had helped a lot in the past and it is the only thing I can do in return. Ok! You should get plenty of rest and I had to go and cook something for you to eat. After that your nap, then it’s ready for your dinner. Faster go and take your nap!” Then I giggled, “Okok~ I go to sleep now. Thanks a lot~”

Wish You a Happy Birthday 2010~

2010-12-22T23:12:00.001+08:00

I didn't know that I want to wish her a happy birthday...If time will be froze, then what it would be like? will i be the one who be celebrating her birthday with her or?? nobody will know it because it had already passed and it had happened. If time would be return and let me fix everything becoming perfect as I had planned, will it be a good thing for it to happened? I really don't know what to do because of my jealousy , my anger...I always put the blame on the experience that I had once encounter, always giving an excuse for myself to feel better. I feel that i am being bad and differently or maybe i am along that way? It might possible be because I do not trust myself. If everything was being alright and she got her happiness, is that what i really want? I wish to give her the best but I can't forget the things that she had done that make me lost faith on. After the break time, i always look up in the sky asking myself, should i go back or just remain it usual? I really do not know what I really want to do...I always saw the full moon that remember the promise I had made to her, because the full moon always giving me the chance that it is the right time..and my left eyes always blinking that ask me to go back but I really can't do it anymore..I had hurt her too much and i don't intend to hurt her anymore...I knew she had someone that will always be with her and that's why i can let go the hand easily..I always telling myself that "Don't worry about her..she will be happy without you anyway.." I always pray for her that she will get good marks in her exam so that even though I am not there anymore, she will still can do it without me..Recently, i saw her very happy indeed in the pictures and I knew she did it with her own efforts. I am happy for her but I do feel alone in the corner but it doesn't matter anymore because I had always been in the corner alone to face the difficulties..This year 2010, i had pray along to wish her to have a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY and everything will goes on well for her in the following years and on...Last time, i would tell people that i had a curse with me, whoever which girl i with, she will someday leave me and really find someone she really love and it will be forever ending. It so happens in my previous ex, and they really found their true love that will be forever ending with them. For me, until the end of time, it wasn't my time to choose as I think this time she will be the same, she with him will be always forever as i had already knew that it happens all the time to me...I don't dare to wish anything for myself because I don't i deserve anything..I had everything that anyone would want..Even though times had been hard for me to face nowadays the problems...I had to face it and learn from my mistake..be a better guy each second and learn to stand up from my coward sickness..I tend to be a coward because I always don't believe in myself even though i had full imagination that what I would want to give the surprise but I fail each time. The timing is always failing on me..I nowadays listen to a song that i want to tell her but it might only be words because i think this is the bad timing for me to say it as I had always done the bad timing.

Hit-5 - 写下这首歌

台前幕后挥一挥手是温暖的热流

每一次疲惫中抬头会看见亲切的面容

等候多久徘徊多久有过多少感动

每一次甜蜜的问候都会有幸福的感受

say I I I I I love you so much

你们让我拥有一个笑就足够

我们闭上眼睛把爱情先搁一搁

我写下这首歌歌词记录着

让我会心动的快乐

多少年后的今天还会记得

我写过这首歌是送给你们的

熟悉某某陌生某某都会在我左右

每一首歌唱到最后总会让我的眼泪流

心中的钻石发光闪烁会永恒的照亮着我

不变的承诺时刻伴随我永远不沉没

I had always lie to you and I am sorry...Its the best for you...I don't deserve to have a happy ending...I knew you are happy and that is why I had left...Wish you a happy birthday and always be happy whenever times is bad, don't let down yourself..you are great and you can do better then now..I couldn't give you anything and I don't want you suffer in the end..one suffer is better then two to suffer..I know you someday you will know it and its fate...Love to me is very important but I don't want the love to suffer because of me..I do hope to see another full moon 31st of December 2010..if it really happens..I will thanks the god that HE had given another chance of remembering the special moment that had once happen in my life. Wish you always have good luck!

What I Learn From My Past Till Now....

2010-11-17T23:32:00.000+08:00

Part A

In this moment, I was thinking that what I had been learning and experience during these few years in the past. I realize that I learn something that I am different in many ways. The one thing that i could think of being different a lot is that being in love of relationship. Last time i will be crazy about it and always thinking the best for her and giving everything to her but when time passes and you realize that each relationship you have, you will change some how, it might be your attitude towards the girlfriend. You might be cold to her sometimes as like your ex did that style to you before. It seems that you are following back the way of how she treat you even though you don't admit that you had done so. I would still remember the girl that i once had put a lot of effort on it and to be with her, but time seems to be fast to change as i had given up by that time during the separation because i will think that i do not have the chance and fate being with her and so it happens, even though i had been her secret best friend for so many years...she remind me of growing up and things had changed, because of this i slowly changed my life style to be better and useful for myself. "Through years that i will get by remembering all the times that she was inside my head." Now, i had another thought, why didn't i go find her back and waited for her in those times?? i had a question for myself that why didn't i had waited..i had think for a long time..i knew i was a coward because i always put those impossible answer for myself..i don't even trust myself that i could do it..and it really happens..during these few years, i suddenly saw something in web, that she had posted, the first thing i had ever did was to find her, i wanted to know what happened to her and help her because i had the feeling back, but i had always give an excuse because i had promised to her to be by her side, and was that really what i really think of??? this is another question that i had myself..was it really that simple?? it was not the first time at all...it had been some times that happen but i never knew what i can do..i just knew that it is very important that i must be by her side even though it takes my time..but recently this time, i knew she had some problems, i had message her, i chatted with her because she had problems, i told her.."everything be alright geh..dun worri..cheer up~" and this magic word really helps her cause after i had finish chatted with her, some time later, she never reply me anymore then by that moment, i knew she had settled the problem with her boyfriend and everything turns alright as i had said...does this mean that i still had feelings for her or not?? i do not know and i do not want to know it either because i think if you really had the feeling for that someone, you would want her to be happy in the end but not the sad ending part. It may seem that you had never let go of that feeling but i m still happy with it as i knew there is someone better and greater to be by her side. I am just only a prayer's book when someone needs someone to talk to and an example of talking to GOD and telling all the problems to GOD. I would had ask myself, why can i stay go being hidden as a secret best friend through out this few years, i think its better for her to avoid misunderstanding problems for her. Misunderstanding is not good thing to happens to couples as it will result to separation.

Part B

There is once that i had knew a girl that she wasn't that perfect in any way, but i do not mind at all, because i would had thought that mabye that not that popular girl might be a problem as many fans(guys) will snatch it from me..but i was wrong...the days i had with her has been one of my happy days as i had received before any gifts from my loved ones before..i think that this was the girl that finally that would be the someone who willing stay with me..but it wasn't cause i had done many mistake that a boyfriend should not had done..its the minor mistake that must be avoid in the relationship..because of money and fame that i always had given her..i had fail because this was the part that i was always being that way in the past even though being with her. It was the stupid mistake i had always been doing..but its too late already as i had given her money and everything also had give what ever she wants. I still remember the day she had left me, i was very angry as i always given myself an excuse that she had someone else with her, but does really true about it, i think yes because of the fans(guys) around her..i do not trust her anymore..in this time..i knew that trust is very important for couples to learn because if you do not trust him or her..you will lost him or her someday because of the misunderstanding that happens. During these few years, i knew she had someone else, i could see that she is happy and i never find her at all because i don't that it was necessary for me to be there anymore..i will feel ashamed to show up as well...

Part C

This happens when i starting doing my school holidays work..i knew a girl in work, at first sight i knew she had a boyfriend, but i remember i had ask her and she say no, but after some time, she had tell the truth that she has a boyfriend..by this moment, i knew that this type of girl would not be a good girlfriend and it was because she do not want anyone to know about it, i experience this when my previous girlfriend did that to me, she would tell other guys that she do not have a boyfriend but she actually has one..this is the one part that makes me sad that i wasn't important at all...but get back to story..then i had insists that how long you had been with your boyfriend?? then she had answer 3 years..then the moment i had think of, umm..her boy friend surely would be a good guy and it turns out ya..but i just knew her a few days only but she told me she liked me and do not like her boyfriend that much..the moment that she says that, i knew that she wasn't good at all because she won't be staying in the long relationship type as just that guy can control it that long...not long she told me that she had been in triangle relationship 2 times...as i think of being clever..i try to be with her..then someday she had quarrel with her boyfriend and i was in the triangle relationship as well...and all this time i always tell myself i would not be the 3rd party at all because bad luck would come to me in the following and it really happens..because i was doing something that i would not had done and it wasn't my type to do that..i like being a good guy but maybe because time changes as i want to be someone different..then when there is a time for her choose between him and me..i had told her that..let's wait till the 31st of December..if it would be a full moon then we have fate of being together..by that day..there is really a full moon..and i had told myself that it was fate...but through months of being together..i had realize that she had been talking with her ex and seeing each other for some time...she had cheated me and she given excuses that she needed to and somethings that she needed him to help..i don't think i will believe that because of my previous relationship experience..not long after that..she breakup with me..after some time..she came back to me and say a lot of excuse that she didn't mean it and wanted to be with me and really love me..i will think that it is bullshit already because she is the one who want to go away and now coming back for me..its not the first time that happen..so during the last time..i had rejected her..i say that i do not trust her anymore..i do not want her anymore..i give her an excuse that i want to focus on my studies and work..after that..the next day..her ex call me and start scolding me and sending bullshit sms to me that saying cursing me and that...the moment i saw that he will do that then i knew that she had been contacting her with her this time..and i do not want to reply any of those things..i just delete it and close the call..i knew he wanted to be a hero for her...and i think that it might be a good chance..i will let him write whatever he wants..if it will give him a chance back to her..why not give people chance if he thinks that it is very important for him..but i will not curse anyone at all..everyone is different and i don't that even though you don't get him or her because she or he treat you bad..i don't think cursing will help at all..i think it will give you bad luck instead...so i just let it be and put it as memory of something i had learn in the past...as long as there is a balance then it is ok...

Conclusion

1. Never ever hide anything from your loved ones..

2. Be honest!

3. Trust him or her because you might never knew the truth...

4. If you like someone..be brave to tell him or her...but if he or she got partner..please don't disturb..bad luck will come to you..

5. Always hope your loved ones to be happy but not the sad ending..this will give you a pure heart to yourself..

6. Don't ever betray your loved ones because you will get bad luck someday...

7. Love your loved ones with true heart and don't play relationships..you will get nothing in the end..

8. Don't spoil her or him...

9. Introduce your loved ones to your friends so that it shows that he or she is important and you want her or him to know about your friends around...

10. Good luck to anyone who are in single or in relationship..don't ever give up..you might never know the future...

Love

2010-10-18T05:24:00.000+08:00

I leave you doesn't mean i don't love you anymore. You don't take love seriously, you just treat it like a game. We always argue and then break up and be back together. You always came back but you never really care about the matter that happen between us. Last time you left because of our misunderstanding. Now, you came back again. I don't think i want it anymore because you never really realize about the problem. Last time i might do stupid things for girlfriend, but now i don't think i would do it anymore because people will grow up, someday they will realize what is really important. I had done many silly mistake before and i also had failed before but doesn't mean i need to give up. Last time, i had learn a lot from my relationship,each relationship i learn something new and i never forget what i did the mistake i had. I still remember what you did and i really appreciate what you had sacrifice before, but i just can say "THANK YOU" .

Since that day i say those awful things to you, i never find you anymore and never even SMS you or call you because i really can't take it anymore, you just take things for granted. You will never realize your mistake even though the 1st time you say sorry because of your emotion, you always say that and i always let you. Everything you did something wrong, you come plead to me then i let you, but this time i won't let you anymore. You can't be like that, i also don't want to have a girlfriend that is that way of attitude. I don't think i will say sorry to you as well. You last time took my phone and check my SMS, you check my calls. This proves that you doesn't trust me anymore. If there is no trust on me then i also don't want say much about it anymore because that is main thing that must have in a relationship.

If being together without the trust and communication then it is not anymore meaning in the relationship. I might be a busy guy and always do my stuffs like study and working, but it doesn't i don't care about you. It is just that i don't want to waste my time right now, i had wasted my time last time, i don't wish i can waste another time right now. Last time, you did say before, you could not find any mistake that i had done, i can just tell you that i think you could take this as an excuse, i think like that you could be more happy if i say this. If not, you could just take it as i had feel for another someone, maybe like that you would be more happy if i would say that, but all that doesn't matter anymore because i had decide to leave you and never ever to find you back anymore. I am tired already, i want to take a rest, i am not a good guy. I don't want to blame anyone for doing any mistake, i will only blame myself for not managing it well. This is my mistake and not yours.

I did say all my promise and i did not break it at all because it will happen someday if only you could wait and be by my side but you never did because you never understand me well. Love is not a game , but a relationship shared by two person.

How To Swap All The Application Into Your SD Card Without Rooting The HTC Desire~

2010-09-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

Well after reading the forums I found a lot op people complained about not being able to push an app to the SD card. And you don't have to root your phone for it. it will give you access to the 'Move to SD' button regardless if the programmer adapted his program for 2.2 yet.

With ADB you can do so very easy !, and there is no root required.

Perform the following steps :
1. Install HTC Sync (see : http://www.htc.com/ (select your device, download, and install ))
2. Install Android developers kit. (See http://htcevohacks.com/htc-evo-hacks...or-htc-evo-4g/ for a detailed how to.)

Start ADB.

Use : adb shell pm setInstallLocation [option]

Where option is one of:

0 [auto] Let the system decide.
1 [internal only]
2 [external]

And you are ready to go.

Maybe you should have a read of the official documentation from google : http://developer.android.com/guide/a...-location.html
to understand what you are doing. And what you should not do (Like moving apps that run as a service to the SD card....)

I did this on my Phone and went to the settings and moved every app to SD. On this moment, i have got at least 30mb++ free space. It is a nice feature for froyo to have and its damn nice that everything are being install into the sd card except for the OS system such like contacts and bla bla.. but at least free those applications. Try it and you will love it~

Secret Codes For Your Android Phone

2010-09-08T22:47:00.002+08:00

I found this article last week, which list a series of secret commands for Android phones. Bear in mind that that codes were obtained from a Samsung Galaxy i7500 so some may not work on the HTC Desire.
Please be careful as it’s not always possible to undo the effects of a code (e.g. factory reset).

*#*#4636#*#*

This code can be used to get some interesting information about your phone and battery. It shows following 4 menus on screen:

Phone information
Battery information
Battery history
Usage statistics

*#*#7780#*#*

This code can be used for a factory data reset. It’ll remove following things:

Google account settings stored in your phone
System and application data and settings
Downloaded applications

It’ll NOT remove:

Current system software and bundled applications
SD card files e.g. photos, music files, etc.

PS: Once you give this code, you get a prompt screen asking you to click on “Reset phone” button. So you get a chance to cancel your operation.

*2767*3855#

Think before you give this code. This code is used for factory format. It’ll remove all files and settings including the internal memory storage. It’ll also reinstall the phone firmware.
PS: Once you give this code, there is no way to cancel the operation unless you remove the battery from the phone. So think twice before giving this code.

*#*#34971539#*#*

This code is used to get information about phone camera. It shows following 4 menus:

Update camera firmware in image (Don’t try this option)
Update camera firmware in SD card
Get camera firmware version
Get firmware update count

WARNING: Never use the first option otherwise your phone camera will stop working and you’ll need to take your phone to service center to reinstall camera firmware.

*#*#7594#*#*

This one is my favorite one. This code can be used to change the “End Call / Power” button action in your phone. Be default, if you long press the button, it shows a screen asking you to select any option from Silent mode, Airplane mode and Power off.
You can change this action using this code. You can enable direct power off on this button so you don’t need to waste your time in selecting the option.

*#*#273283*255*663282*#*#*

This code opens a File copy screen where you can backup your media files e.g. Images, Sound, Video and Voice memo.

*#*#197328640#*#*

This code can be used to enter into Service mode. You can run various tests and change settings in the service mode.

WLAN, GPS and Bluetooth Test Codes:

*#*#232339#*#* OR *#*#526#*#* OR *#*#528#*#* – WLAN test (Use “Menu” button to start various tests)
*#*#232338#*#* – Shows WiFi MAC address
*#*#1472365#*#* – GPS test
*#*#1575#*#* – Another GPS test
*#*#232331#*#* – Bluetooth test
*#*#232337#*# – Shows Bluetooth device address

*#*#8255#*#*

This code can be used to launch GTalk Service Monitor.

Codes to get Firmware version information:

*#*#4986*2650468#*#* – PDA, Phone, H/W, RFCallDate
*#*#1234#*#* – PDA and Phone
*#*#1111#*#* – FTA SW Version
*#*#2222#*#* – FTA HW Version
*#*#44336#*#* – PDA, Phone, CSC, Build Time, Changelist number

Codes to launch various Factory Tests:

*#*#0283#*#* – Packet Loopback
*#*#0*#*#* – LCD test
*#*#0673#*#* OR *#*#0289#*#* – Melody test
*#*#0842#*#* – Device test (Vibration test and BackLight test)
*#*#2663#*#* – Touch screen version
*#*#2664#*#* – Touch screen test
*#*#0588#*#* – Proximity sensor test
*#*#3264#*#* – RAM version

[Android] Papago X5 for Singapore and Malaysia v1.1

2010-09-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

PAPAGO! X5 is Now on your Android 2.x! The superior navigation software from Maction Technologies can now be installed onto your Android phone!
With the PAPAGO! X5 you can transform your device into a professional navigation system. This is full English UI with MFM maps.

Please follow the installation instruction:

1. Download Part1 Part2 Part3 Part4 Part5

2. Unzip the files and you will have a) NaviSEA folder and b)PAPAGO_X5SEA_0806_WWEMarket.apk

3. Download libpapago

4. Unzip libpapago and copy libpapago.so, paste it inside NaviSEA folder.

5. Copy NaviSEA folder, paste it inside your storage card, root directory.

6. Install PAPAGO_X5SEA_0806_WWEMarket.apk via computer or apk installer.

7. Enjoy Papago X5 for Android 2.1, the world 1st release!

The Mind Deep Underwater....

2010-07-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

July 5 2010..
Today, i try to cool down myself. This few days really having a hard time. Many problems keep on occur. Then i remember a way of cooling of myself. Then the first thing i ever think is swimming alone. But unfortunately, my condo the pool is under fixing. With no choice i had to call my friends and go over his place. Even though i had gone to the pool, when i am diving into the water, i was thinking of relaxing and thinking of nothing at all. There is one thing i realize is that, no matter how long you goes into the water, you had to get out of the water, because you will get out of breath as well. So what i had think in mind, no matter what problems or what you had in life, there is always an ending. you had to face it, because once you escape, there is someday coming back the problem, swimming is like life, when you dive in, you will feel cool and easy but you had to get up from the cool and easy time. You had to get the breath if not you will get even more worse and suffering. Swimming might help in cooling down the stress but its not fully letting go, because it just help you to cool down your stress, but will never ever help you to let go of that stress unless you solve the problems. One thing i realize is that, no matter how hard the life goes, must go on, never ever give up on your own self because you might only get things worst only. I started to love swimming again, i want to dive into the water and stop there, closing my eyes, everything in my mind to be empty, as long as i am feeling free in the cool blue water. If everything you had just go away like that, what would i do?? i think will just continue on what i could do, appreciate what i had now, but what had lost is lost. It would not come back anymore. Even though it comes back, would you want it back? in mind would want it, but in my life, i think i want settle myself before i can proceed. I don't have that much energy to control the things, i also had my own limitation. There is one quote that i always like to tell myself, "What Doesn't Kill Will Only Make Me Stronger.". I like this quote so much because it really helps me in life, i never intend to give on the things i archive, because i do feel that if the thing doesn't kill me, and i am still there, i will work for it some more till i succeed or die. Many people had different life, some might have good life as they don't have much problems but some would have a lot of problems to face. Some people might be rich but some might be poor. There is so many kinds of life. I would say that when i am younger, i might had a rich but family problem life. Anyway, i end up in poor and family problem life. I do not want to repeat the same mistake that once my family had did. I want to improve myself, i don't want my mum suffer nor my brothers suffer anymore. I want to do better for myself because of them and myself. I want to challenge myself that i knew i could not do but because in this life i had to over challenge those problems. If i had the chance to improve and learning something new, i will go and learn, because i want to get myself better in this life. In this world, you will gain nothing if you don't let go something. Maybe because of this, i had let go something that i knew i would regret, but i do not have a choice anymore, i really don't want cause the same mistake anymore. I always tell myself, if i could not take care of myself that good, how can i take care of someone i love?? Life could be many things, it is how you choose you want to be. Be yourself and that is important, because no one or anyone will like you if you stay that way. Be a grown man!!

If Time Could Stop...

2010-06-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

if time could stop at the time u wanted it 2 b..hw nice it would be..bt 2 bad...time wont stop jz 4 u..time is always clicking..goin on n on..if time the past could change..hw good it would be..at least..u had known the future..thn u will nv let go in the past..continue..n continue..sometimes in life..u would wan the time to froze at tat moment..whn happiness came..n everything is working as u wanted...bt it will not happen at all..fate is always there..if u love some1 veli deeply..will u let go now the things u ever had n jz be wif her/him?? i dunno wat would b the answer..bcoz mabe tat time u had no more feelings anymore..mabe u urself had changed..bt some ppl will not change..bcoz love is a powerful yet hurting thing..every1 would had a "sau wu san" in their heart bcoz whenever thy r sad or anything..he/she will b there 4 her/him....sometimes ppl meant to get stupid jz bcoz he/she love her deeply bt didnt tell her/him..bcoz he/she know tat there is no chance of being 2gather...he/she know tat no love line will b there..yet he/she still continue to giv hope..even though it came to 1314 days tat thy 1st meet in the zorpia..n the 1st time meet on the 30days after the meet in zorpia..the guy/gal even remember the 1st time thy meet face-to-face in the train station..n even the 1st time dating thy have during tat day..an example of a guy/gal remembering..thy had almost known each other for 1314 days..1314 = "yat sang yat sai" ...mabe tat is the quote ba..a veli long journey..knowing each other weakness n strength..even know each other needs..even if the guy remember the days n the times..or even the memories..it is not important at all..coz he knew something..he can oni kept it as memories...a memory will always expand each moment..bt nv will know..oni him/her will know it..mabe she/he will know it..its a secret nv 2 b told..it is aso call..a long movie for thm..mabe..someday..fate would c the love of him/she..it might even given thm chance..bt nt nw..nt tis time..he/she knew something..whenever she/he had any problems..he/she will b there 2 cheer her/him up..even he/she will encourage she/he nt 2 give up..b y he/she still wan do something tat doesnt make him/her happy??why??y he/she wan jit mo himself/herself jz 4 her/him???issit worth it??bt for he/she is worth it..he/she understand tat he/she truly love her/him..even though he/she cry in the moment of loneliness.. he/she wont tell the other 1..bcoz he/she dun wan let her/him knw tat he/she actually had love her/him too deeply alreadi...time n fate reali play ppl whn coming 2 tis kind of situation..a small video..

Something That Should Not Have Happen..

2010-06-11T20:52:00.002+08:00

Some time ago..i had fren..told me about his past time thingy..he had like a gal so much last time, that he even gt 2 knw her le..bt thn..sadly..he didnt gt so cope with the gal..eventually, thy bcame best frenz~ bt the thing is..whenever the gal had any problems..the guy would b the 1st to stand up n help..even though it mean nthg 4 him 2 have..
The gal might can say..got lost...bt the guy will try 2 cheer her up..even though it feels like veli boring indeed..n the gal had no reaction for it..bt the guy nv gave up anything..he still proceed..he knw he wont gt the chance..bt he nv care..he jz knw tat..he needed 2 do it oni..n tats it..bt thn the guy eventually had nv let go the feelings so many years..imagine..10 years time..bt the feeling is still there...the gal didnt know about it..bcoz she thinks tat..best fren ar..nthg much..bt actually there is something greater 2 it..4 me..i would think the guy is stupid..wat 4 wan keep the feeling for so long if she doesnt knw about it..or even care about it..the guy jz told me.."Nah..its ok ar..at least she is happy thn can la..my feelings telling or out or not..doesnt make any difference.." after saying out tis..he suddenly had tears..the tears i saw..i knew it..he actually reali care about the thing..bt he jz kept it 2 himself..even though it hurts..it is himself who hurts..bt i can feel another thing..he love her 2 much..she for so long had known about him..didnt knw tat actually the guy actually reali loves her n care about her..i hear a quote before.."Someone who loves you the most will only leave you even though he knows that she cannot be with him or have any chances."

I just can say that..sometimes secret meant to be keep secret..coz even though u had let her known..do u nthg good..mabe it will get worst...loving someone means understanding wat she reali nid..bt nt forcing her 2 do tat she doesnt like...if tat thing give her or u will knw tat will giv her happiness..thn its better to let her go thn keeping her 2 urself..coz she wont b happy...loving some1 might be easy..bt 4getting some1 will be the hard way..bcoz no 1 is perfect..so do i..heart knw thn enuf le..dun let her knw..bcoz u will nt always hav the chance..u knw tat is rite 4 her..

I gt tis kind of story frm a fren..tat the guy always call her teddy bear~it might be a sad ending for my fren..bt i think mabe he is rite..keeping those secret is the best way..dun interrupt other ppl relationship..bcoz u knw wat is rite..even though the gal is alone le..coz the guy do not wan her 2 b sad anymore..he jz wan her happy thn tat is enuf le..FATE..mabe in the next life ba..will oni fulfill the guy wish..mabe..or mabe nt.tears always rolling down frm the eyes doesnt matter anymore..jz try let go n move on..

WatErFall~ 10.10.09

2009-10-11T01:12:00.000+08:00

10.10.09
early in the morning had 2 wake up at 4.30am...owwhh..so early n tired..
haiz..thn prepare my packing bcoz i m goin waterfall..hiking~dodgeball~ooo..
i like outdoor activities..1st time hiking..gt bit worri tat i cant walk so much in there..
6.00am reach college waiting my 2 othher frenzz..navid n theresa..woah..thy r early..hahax..

after a while later reach taylor there..while waiting for another groups goin as well...i took my own pic..hehex..coz i finally success on slimming lu..bit success..bt thn i m satisfied..n i will continue to slim more down..hohox..face thinner jor..better thn b4 lu..

after tat, v 3 go MCD~ bt thn v jz order tea n coffee to drink jek..hehex..coz nt so hungry yet..n somemore i wan maintain my weight..hehex..after tat v 3 go d to the waterfall at rawang~woah..so far away er..bt i aso gt take pic of us 3..hehex..

hehex..after tat..there is 1 more guy later on go wif us as well..kelvin..hahax...
v go 4 a big long time goin here n there..bcoz v had 2 follow other ppl cars..they keep on speed here speed..lucky it wasn't i who are driving jek..if nt i shit nor..follow here follow there..thn keep on gt wrong routes taken..zzz..

after 2 hours le..i tot v reach le waterfall bt nt yet..haix..v jz reach another part of the waterfall jek..>.<
navid aso keep on taking pics here n there..even in the car aso he keep on takes pics..~.~

after tat 10-15 minutes, taking pics in the view point there..v finally continue our journey to the waterfall le..after a while, v reach le..by thn, i aso gt bit tired de bcoz of sitting for hours in the car..zzz...=.=''
after tat, v unpack our things thn v start goin uphill in the jungle le..after a while v reach the place de...finally, can rest a while~so hot there..Zzzz..

tat is jz the entrance to the stream..hahax...whn walkin the stream..i gt hard time er...>..< coz the road is slippery as well..the road there is kinda hard 2 walk bcoz there is so many stones er...make me feel so uneasy er..bt thn its quite a adventure nor..coz i did something different de..hehex..a big challenge 4 me tat i do not walk so much geh..

after some hours later, walking n crossing the streams~ v finally reach le the waterfall part lo..

woah..i m nt tired as i think bt i like the view there..coz it looks so nice..n cooling..the water there are damn cold..coz i try walk on it..thn i whn deeper n deeper..i was like..freezing to death almost i open my air cond in my room for veli cold standard..since my air cond in the room is 2.0..XD so cold...after i swim here swim there..suddenly navid told me.."Alex!do u wan go up there somemore??" thn i was..har..u dun early tell me..!!!make me swim here swim there..n so damn wet de..n so cold d water..oni u told me still can go up~after tat, me, theresa n navid decide v go up there coz its more challenging n thn the road up there is dangerous n slippery as well..hahax..coz the road there veli high..n can fit enuf 1 foot per step de..barely~

i do love the water splashing through it..so fun..i almost gt fall off the cliff bcoz some steps i taken i had slipped..bt i didnt fall la..lucky..jz tat i can hold the vines of the trees..~.~ after half an hour,v finally reach the top there..bt there is still somemore 2 b continue to walk..bt v decide dun wan de..coz aso tired of it..so high somemore..nt he water is movin rapidly.. after tat, navid go on continue taking pics of the scenary..thn me n theresa jz sit on the rocks..n thn start playin the water n taking pics while waitin for navid~

woah~ navid scare me..coz he was standin on veli outside of the waterfall..i tot he wanted to jump tim...XD

after a while...v go bak down le..coz v r tired de..n thn somemore its time 2 go bak le..>..<
n the cloud is dark le..almost wan rain de le..woah..i gt almost lost whn goin bak to the entrance there..coz the path all look the same..n there is many routes as well..lucky there is the ranger of the park n our leader leads us bak out..if nt v will b trap~>..< after reaching the entrance..woah~ it reali rained!!! lucky for us tat v reach the entrance oni it rains if nt thn v shit de lo..dunno hw to go le..coz water aso rushing so fast n the roads all mostly flooded wif water de..thn v jz wait at the big tent there for the rain to stop..while waiting for the rain 2 stop..i gt nthg else 2 do..bt take pic of something else..kakax..

silly me~hahax..after the rain stop a while..v continue faster get out of the jungle n reach for the cars..bt half way, it started to rain heavy a bit..n v had 2 b quick de..after a while..the road flooded wif water de..o shit! so much water bt still nid cross le...nt long later v gt out de..n faster get into the car..n wiping of the water n sweats on our body wif towels~hehex..woah~tis was 1 exciting part of my life..coz i did 1 of my wish in my life..hahax..walk into the jungle..go find d waterfall...hohox..have an exciting time wif frenz..hahax..i m aso tired le..nt bcoz of the walk..its bcoz i nv eat anything at all tat day...=.=''

My 20Th BiRthDay!

2009-07-18T12:21:00.009+08:00

oN 14-07-09..

early in

the morning~i m damn sleepy~

so skip class..

but thn after tat..

i prepare everythin n set 4 college..

coz i still nid do

ne my assingments and projects...

so no choice..

nid hurry..

bt thn whn reach there..

i still nid do other things yet...

as i still nid prepare some things 4 my bbQ party niTe..

so whole day damn bz...

cant stop at all..

keep on movin on n on..

go many places..

preparing the foods and the BBq utensils..

FinallY...

at nite reach le..

i wait my gang 2 come..

the nite was quite fun coz...all was eatin n playin wif fire~

my favourite~

fire~!!

haha...

bt the sad part is tat..i was being thrown 2 the pool..

zzz....

i m damn all wet~shit~

haha

actually been waiting 4 some1 geh..

bt tat some1 didnt turn out at all..

bt its ok~coz i understand geh..

>.<

ther is 1 shock part that i didnt imagine my best fren would do..

my other gang frenz...

thy br

ought me 3 champagne...

thn whn me n my frenz was drinkin..

my bestfren suddenly apppear n ask giv 1 champagne...

i was shocked...

coz he didnt knw tat it wasn't mine at all..

n he took 1..

after i go over his gang there..coz gt 2 gangs celebrate wif me...

1 is college gang n anoter is my bestfrenz gang...

n i ask him..y u take the champagne?

n he mm song the feelin say..y cannot ar?

thn i say..its nt mine la..thy brought 4 me la..

thn he suddenly..

"SHIT!"

bt i cant blame he la..coz he is my bestfren..he misunderstand it..haha..

bt the best part of all..

its tat...wat i my big bro brought 4 me as my birthday cake~

i damn love it~

coz i tot my mum at 1st was jz kiddin sayin tat he would buy that..hahax..

my favourite idol cake~hahax..

there is also 1 damn funny thing..hahahaxx

whn was eatin the cake..i keep lookin at it..n i was watchin my family nt to cut off the face or disturb the face of my idol..

after tat..i slowly take off the pic coz its chocolate like tat thingy..

thn while i pullin it off slowly..my mum try 2 help..

n thn i say...

dun touch!i wan do it myself..

thn i slowly pull off..but thn the thing was thn crample de..hahax..

thn whn i took off..i put it in a plate..bt thn the whole crample off..

thn my 2nd bro say..eat it la..

thn while thy wasn't lookin..i take the whole thing eat it up..

thn my whole family laugh..hahahx..

thy tot i will eat 1 by 1 bt didnt knw i eat it all up..hahax..

n veli stupid~hahax..

先苦後甜(Dessert Version) - 方力申

DrAg Me TO HELL!!!!

2009-07-07T00:15:00.004+08:00

2nite~6-07-09..
i wif my ah mui go watch "Drag me To HeLL~"
damn scary~
gt shocked a lot~
v watch at 9.45pm..
the story damn shockin as an old woman curse on the gal~
thn the worst part of all..is..
tat the old woman vomited things into the gals mouth..
directly in!!!
SHIT!!!!!
n the flies can go into the gals nose one side and come off the other side..
YUCKS!!!!
nt jz oni tat..it goes into the mouth..
my ah mui so scare tat keep on holding so tight..me aso gt scare..coz i feel so yuckS!
bt there is funny parts in the movie..
the nose bleeding can bleed like a fountain..
OMG!
nt jz oni tat!~
the possessed spirit will dance like a joker~
hahaxxx....
damn stupid!!!
bt at least the gal aso being drag to hell~
sad~
hahaz..tats all!
kakaz..
damn happy 2day~long time no like tat de..
after the sad thing happen time ago~
finally gt hang out wif it..
havin fun wif frenz..gives me time 2 rest n happy minded~
hahax..
happy la~bt still gt bit scare about the movie~
hope i dun dream about it le..if nt..SHIT!!
moro cant wake up 4 class le~
o.0

重愛

2009-06-14T00:26:00.002+08:00

如果愛情似杯咖啡冷了還是飄著香味

心情常跟記憶重疊總是忍不住的想

溫熱時候的滋味

*我不明白怎麼還在啄磨著曾經我們的對白

我也常想如果當時我不離開愛是否還存在

愛從來沒離開放在心裡用想念來取代

如果我們可以再重來是否有足夠勇氣面對

新的快樂與傷害不愛才是種傷害對你我還想愛

不再有空白不再讓記憶充滿未來

我也想讓明天有期待重新相愛牽手再來

陌生與熟悉氣味重新相愛牽手再來*

如果可以避免傷心耳語變縈繞聲線

忘掉曾經的不愉快讓彼此重新發現

對於愛從未空白

repeat*

如果我們可以重來

重愛 - 方力申／鄧麗欣 - 方力申／鄧麗欣

~An ImPoRtAnT nOtIcE~

2009-06-05T17:39:00.002+08:00

Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don't love you with all they have.

4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and
know someone else and expect them to know you.

13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

三位一體.mp3 -

FinAlLy~mY pReCiouS lAPtOP~

2009-05-24T01:34:00.005+08:00

whzzzz.....

finally...

my notebook is bak again lu..

waitin 4 the service reali damn long n expensive..zzz...

月全蝕 - 方力申

方力申.-拖拖拉拉

2009-03-29T16:19:00.003+08:00

方力申.-拖拖拉拉

无法再喜欢我无谓再担心我

求你认真抛弃狼心对我我便行远

如看法不一致如一起不自然

难道你死守在最后病情便会好转?

*何苦拖拖拉拉分手说了就算

曾一起的光阴珍惜留来怀念

痛快爱过己足够了为何回头道歉?

你要是不爱我不爱我不爱我

请你就疏远我疏远我疏远我

承受寂寞并不只我

难过够了无法再见面

抑压过挣扎过心软过改变过

总算是相恋过拥抱过欢笑过

甜蜜地爱你注定不可

但愿我努力说清楚

你答应我不可妄顾后果快远离我

我怕你真的会在乎我

越好越错*

情话我都讲过能做到的不多

求你最终可以通通放过当成全我

忘记你的好意无需假装关注

难道你委屈去配合就能直到终点?

何苦拖拖拉拉分手说了就算

曾一起的光阴珍惜留来怀念

痛快爱过己足够了为何回头道歉?

你要是不爱我不爱我不爱我

请你就疏远我疏远我疏远我

承受寂寞并不只我

难过够了无法再见面

抑压过挣扎过心软过改变过

总算是相恋过拥抱过欢笑过

甜蜜地爱你注定不可

但愿我努力说清楚

你答应我不可妄顾后果快远离我

我怕你真的会在乎我

越好越错*

情话我都讲过能做到的不多

求你最终可以通通放过当成全我

忘记你的好意无需假装关注

难道你委屈去配合就能直到终点?

拖拖拉拉 - 方力申

tHe LoVe StoRy~

2009-03-06T21:08:00.002+08:00

LoVe StoRy~

When the beginning of a relationship begins..

it will b veli happy bcoz of many new things will b formed..

bt whn relationships begin to slow down n slowly..

n slowy..

missing one of the feelin..

it will b gone...

i once had an experienced tat..

i do love her veli veli much tat i could nt get her out of my mine..

n it was quite happy being wif her bcoz i do slowy learn to love some1..

truely...

bt thn...

whn time passes..

me n her the interest n misunderstanding slowly bcome a problem..

i did nt knw wat 2 do..

bt jz let the things continue..

till one time..

v cant stand each other n v broke up..

i was suprise tat she will sms me..

i tot she had alreadi gt her answer n her decision..

bt thn she told

i at 1st was angry bcoz..

i did nt do anything wrong..

n tis matter came up..

after tat..

i nv call her or sms since thn..

thn a week pass..

she sms me..

me..

she is had the feelin on me..

n it was her who told me tat she had no more feel on tat moment..

bt y?...

i wont knw the answer..

she did ask me being wif her..

bt in tat moment..

i dunno wat 2 answer..

i didnt say anything..

i knw whn a love begin n ends..

it cant b continue anymore..

bcoz if continue..

the feelin will b different..

i wont feel happy at all de..

bcoz all the things will change..

or even so..jz like the old times..

hw me n her misunderstands..

she had her own mind of things..

n i had mine..

i dun think being 2gather will b good idea..bcoz at the final..there will b a break time..

n everything will over n over...

so i decide nt 2 continue..

bt 2 let go of myself...

even though hw much i still love her..

it is jz a memory..

nt anymore the love anymore..

i jz cant take it tat she had treat me badly...

n i dun understand..

y..

so at tis moment..

i think of something else..

i dun wan think anymore..bt continue on forward..

i wan do my things better..

i dun wan fail anymore...

i had enuf of sadness in the past...

nw i wan happy..

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

重愛 - 方力申／鄧麗欣 - 方力申／鄧麗欣

ThE nEw BeGiNnInG....

2009-02-27T18:36:00.007+08:00

On 26 Feb 2009

sOmething speciAl happened...

it was nice n kinda happy 4 me..

after all..i m free de..

n i nv think of her 2 ever came back 2 me..

n..i didnt cry 4 her even though after the break till 2day..

i was confused..hw come i didnt cry..

n after a while..some1 special told me tat..

i had alreadi let go of her de..

after some thinkin..

she was rite after all..

coz i reali nv think so much after tat..

n i jz feel angry n sad..

bt wont hav any tears frm me anymore..

on tis particular day..

i went out wif the special person..

it was happy coz whn i talk wif her or anything..

v do hav things in common..

v wil hav something 2 discuss about n try 2 help out one another..

bt thn..she aso hav her minor problems tat could nt b taken off easy..

bt thn i jz convince her in some ways..

suggestion..

thn she is cope wif the idea i suggest..i hope..

anyway..

i didnt feel so sad anymore..

i think i reali had accept the fact tat wat reali is the true..

i do knw wat myself reali wanted..

i m happy..tat is wat i want..

so easy..

bt thn on tat day..i went c movie wif the special person..

i glad i feel rite ok n satisfied..

after tat v went to eat..

ummm...v eat kinda spicy things..

n i drink sour drinks..

n it makes my tummy ache..

coz its veli like suen~

hahaz..

stupid!

anyway..after tat..she suggest 2 take a pic of me n her..hahaz..

I Miss You - ³Â°ØÓî

ThE nEw BeGiNnInG....

2009-02-27T18:36:00.001+08:00

2009-02-02T19:44:00.005+08:00

TimE fLiEs~

最好的時光 - 方力申

EverYthing Has Pass~
i m finAlly FrEe..all has come 2 end and to start a new one's again...
tis year~2009 will b a new beggining..

LonEly ChRistmass...

2008-12-29T18:47:00.002+08:00

24.12.2008
time jz comes so fast....
at 1st i was thinkin tat mabe i wont b celebrating christmass alone...
early in the morning..i woke up early..
i prepared everything ready well...
all was like perfect...
bt thn the time is short..
i called..
waited n waited...
it took veli long time b4 she could had picked it up...
at last...
she picked it up..bt the time was already late..
by thn..i jz was down there..in the car..waiting..
thn she came out...
bt i gt sad feeling..i dunno wat was it at 1st..
bt my six sense jz tell me so..
she didnt wear as v promise v would do...
bt i didnt mind a lot..coz mabe her time was kinda packed..
thn...
i tot mabe i wil gt a present?
bt no..i dun hav..
by thn..whn v were on our way 2 to gai gai..
whn on the way..
v didnt talk much..
it was a silence...
until v reach there..
i tot mabe she will get me a present jz bcoz 2 say soli 2 me..tat cant accompany me..
at nite..
bt she didnt...
v went into shops...
she was jz bz choosing a gift 4 her fren...
bt the person she care n thinkin wasn't me...
actually..
i was kinda angry n sad...
bt i jz dunno wat else i can speak out anymore...
after the long walk...
it was time 2 go back...
she knew tat i was havin time problem..coz i still gt alot of things 2 take care of...
bt she seems like doesnt bother about it at all..
all she cares was hers..her time...
her own things...
bt nv think of me b4...
i was being a fool...
y should i being good 2 her since she is like tat 2 me..
i cant speak 4 myself..
i jz feel so out...
sometimes i saw my frenz..
thy r so happy wif their partner..
i jz feel so...
jealous~
whn she gt bak 2 her skool..
i send her a sms...
"MERRY CHRISTMASS!"
bt she didnt reply me..
i had already knw the answer...
bt i jz cant face it..
even though i try nt 2 sms her or call her..
bt she would nt find me at all...
she would rather find her frenz thn finding me..
after all wat i been through wif her..
she nv even care...
so tis year christmass..i was goin alone...
bt even though it end up wif frenz goin neway there..
bt it jz seems so lonely 4 me..
coz all i wan was..being wif my loves ones..
bt i jz cant hav tat kind of gift..
i reali gt no more strength 4 anything..
i jz feelin so tired...
n i cant even wan to continue 2 anywhere at all...
mabe next year i could hav a happy christmass?
nobody knws..bt i jz wish i would..>.<
CAUSE I BELIEVE...

幸福不滅 - 羅志祥alan luo

A Distance Away

2008-12-27T15:15:00.005+08:00

maybe I don´t show up again love will be worth you remember
you also don´t want to see seeing also won´t change
your hurtful face as you were turning

maybe if I let go firmly you´ll be able to let the memories emerge
it´s bitter or it´s sweet when you remember my face
I hope it´s not the (taste of) salty tear

I only can leave you far away yet I still unluckily hurt you
I don´t deserve your beauty ending let you love discomposure
but I the further I am from you the closer you´re in my eyes
I can´t see anymore your happy face that loved me

still owe you too many promises I don´t have that competence to carry them out
for me you clinked closely (in) your past
far away I´ll be watching your happiness

遠遠 - lin yu zhong

4goTtEn~

2008-12-18T18:56:00.005+08:00

fOrgEt~
sOme how~
i reAli 4get waT loVe uSed 2 b~
i Cant fEel it anymore...
itS gOne~

i dunNo wat else to think anymore....
i jz feElin like...
i do not have energy 2 think anymore..
i wan to stop n rest....
i cant continue anymore..
bt wat 2 do...
it jz keep on goin n on...

waT if i gt an accident?
i 4get everything...even me...
will it b a best way?
i think it will..coz at least...
i wont suffer so much as rite nw i m havin.....
y do i nid get tis kind of thoughts..oni...
i can relieved myself?

i reali havin headache!!!!!
i dunno hw long i can hold anymore...
i reali veli tired!
can i jz hav a rest?
plz...plz...plz...i jz dun wan keep on anymore...
i dunno wat 2 do anymore...
y!!!

y muz i b a GOOD LOVER!?
y cant i jz b a BAD LOVER?
y muz all the good times...fly away jz like a wind..
so fast..so easy...
n jz like tat...
did i did something wrong???

y muz her b so cold 2 me??
i hav feelings....
i m nt a machine....
hw come my dreams...each nite by nite...
becoming a nitemare....
y muz everynite b awake jz bcoz of tat nitemare...
i dunno wat i can do anymore...

i jz hope 1 day..i reali can let down the burden....
bcoz i reali cannot continue anymore...
n i do nt hav any strenght....
i reali wan rest...stop...
sleep....
i wan hav a happy mind...
i dun like being like tis........
its veli tough....

bcoz she doenst care.....she....
looks down on me...
she mabe..had..another in mind..
A,B,C,D n others in coming....
bt i m nt in listed...
i m blacklisted...
i feEl lonelY....
jz lonely...
i hope..i can find..
an Answer...
tired...
sleepy..
restless...
unhappy...
eMo....

all tis will b changed into happiness 2 her...
bt i had suffer...
i had given all my own 2 her...
bt...
i fail at last...

爱太痛 - wu ke qun

PlAyFull

2008-11-23T21:44:00.003+08:00

SomeTimEs LoVe cAn b plaYfull...

When u r missing some1...

u will think of calling her/him...

u will aso wondering wat she/he is doin....

bt whN u r holding ur hp n clickin her/his num...

u will jz suddenly feel nt like calling coz...

u worry tat u worry disturb her/him....

bt whn u reali did call...

n u hear the "tot" "tot"...

n nobody answer tat time...

u will b thinkin tat...

"Wat is she/he doing leh?BZ?"

bt thn at the same time...

u will b thinkin tat is she/he bz wif another person?or nt?

many things will automatically comes into ur mind...

many reason...

bt last whn tat some1...told u tat..

i was bz doin my project..i was eating...i was in the toilet...i didnt hear it rang...

thn u will feel relieved...

bt some ppl wont..coz u wont wat thy r doin at tat time..mabe she/he lied?

ppl used 2 say...u should believe in her/him...

bt hw could i possible believe if she/he lied 2 me b4....

it's all QUESTION!

sometimes i do think..wat if she/he didnt lied b4..

will i believe her/his words?

i dunno the answer..bcoz the 1 who feel it will knw...

i dunno hw 2 say it...bt i dun think everything will feel alrite..

i came across a fren...

he was quite a lucky fellow...

he once had love problems..n it caused him 2 fell 2 deep of his heart...

bt thn he was lucky..tat he found some1 who will appreciated him...

he was nt pure handsome,rich,knowledge...

bt he was good wif frenz...he aso treats his gf well taken care...

bt somebody wif tat kind of life couldn't have nice n caring gf as his...

coz every1 is different..

u cant hav a happy days like he could..even though he was nt all perfect...

"once upon a time"

tis was fairy tales story..

n it usually end up wif

"and they lived happily ever after..."

it was a lied!

coz nt ever1 can have tat kind of sentence in their script....

NO ONE!

unless u hav a nice script...

even though hw hard i work 4...n hw much i given out..

its useless...

coz i nv care 2 take wat is mine...

n mabe bcoz i was being 2 kind...

i letting her/him standing a top my head....

i do wish i get my own nice script...

BUT WHY?!

y muz i nt have it?

did i do any wrong in my past?

y muz she/he treat me like tat?

y muz everything go away frm me?

ITS NOT FAIR!

i care so much!

i even did the stupiest things i wont do...

bt i did...

whn her/his hp no credit..

i will jz purposely go nearby shops or far away jz 2 top up 4 her/him...

whn i m shopping wif her/him...

she/he like something..

i will jz later on..buy it..thn suprise her/him..

y muz i do all tis?

I DUNNO....

bt 1 thing i m sure tat...i knw she/he like it...

i wan her/him 2 b happy...

i wan give all the happiness i can 2 her/him....

even though i had hard time saving n earning those money...

bt 4 me its like worth it...

bt 4 other ppl...they r jz thinking..

STUPID!

i reali dunno wat i can say...

even though...

a expensive western restaurant...

u knw u wont go those place coz its expensive n its over ur budget..

bt u didnt mind..u jz save ur money though out the month without havin ur meals bt everyday...

u r havin a piece of bread n water...

u save the money jz 4 her/him...

thy wont knw..thy r jz takin u as dieting...

bt thy nv knw tat...

thy r destroying themselves instead jz wan 2 giv happiness n nicest things 2 there loved ones...

nt jz oni tat...

whn u doin something reali bz...

n she/he called..say..fetch me home can mah?

u will jz suddenly say...YES!

without minding ur things..u came out..jz 2 fetch her home...

bt she/he didnt tat...actually u r quite bz at moment..

bt after she/he reach home...thy wont say anything..jz leave the car..

n back inside the home...

u will jz stupid outside as u go back 2 ur place..

n u will b scolded by ur boss or watever...

she/he wont sms u telling tat sorry tat takes ur time...

NO!

it wont do...

coz thy wont do it...

thy dun appreciate whoever u r or wat u did...

life is like tat..

4 once...

i loved some1 deeply...bt she wont care about me at all...

at 1st...she used 2 b care..bt its a normal care..

all i wan is a love care..

a secure care...bt she didnt giv...

always saying i nt enuf....

i jz wonder...did i do anything wrong?y muz u treat me like tat way...

last time...my frenz used 2 say...hw can u wif tis kind of gal...

saying..she is nt perfect nor anything..bt..

i didnt mind...

coz i knw someday..she can b pretty...

n she reali did improve..coz i help her a lot..

i buy her tis n tat..n giving advice n hw 2 take care 4 her skin...

bt once she is pretty..she is different...

she looks down at u...

coz i m fat...ugly....stupid....poor...

so i jz try 2 diet..earn more money...

bt wat is result..nthg...

coz she had changed...

she is nt the gal tat used once 2 b...

u had made some1 who gt confidents on herself...bt on u anymore...

my best fren always ask..hw r u wif her ar?

i will jz say..its ok ar...

bt he did knw tat i m nt ok...

coz he knew me long time...n he knws tat bcoz of my voice reaction...

bt wat 2 do?

its still the same...

1 day...

she did told me she like piano...n wanted 2 learn...

thn i quickly...find a keyboard...

coz i knw keyboard n piano r quite gt relationship..

so i learned n learned without her knowing..coz i wanted 2 play a song 2 her....

i dunno i still gt the chance anot...

bt i do hope...i can!

coz i wan her 2 my 1st person 2 hear me play a romantic song 2 her...

mabe i hav play?

or nt?

everything is so complicated rite here...

i do hope someday...everythin will b alrite..i wan everything b happy...

L For Love L FOr Lies

張敬軒 - 電影十分愛鋼琴曲 - www.91move.com

i dUnNo...."_"

2008-11-20T17:10:00.005+08:00

NoV 20 2008~
i didnt knw wat 2 do le....

once~a story...

whnever u r wif some1 u like so much~

u wont like it 2 being separated or gt any problems wif it...

mostly like..

1) dun wan other guys/gals to steal it frm u..

2)keep her heart rite where it belong 2 u n nt others...

3)hate her/him keepin secrets tat will hurt u...

bt actually...all tis u will nt escaped frm it...

coz u cant control it...

sometimes...wont a normal couple...

get angry bcoz of him/her gettin pic wif other ppl reali close ma??

or issit being 2 sensitive???

i wont knw the answer at all...

coz i dunno wat i was thinkin rite nw was true?real?confused?

haiz....

lately...i had known some secrets that she didnt say....

n i found out the true about it..

i had revealed it.....

bt sometimes releaving a secret isn't a good idea..coz u will be thinking a lot soon after tat..

sometimes ur thinks and proof may b true or false...nobody knws unless the person who did it..

once a person told me tat...

u r nice guy coz u treats ur gf so nice n caring..

n i jz say ya..i love her a lot...

bt thn the person told me 1 thing..

its better thn dun put it in ur mind sayin tat..

WHY?!i treat u so nice n carin but u doesnt care or appreciate it??!

tis will oni makes u sad...

after the person sayin tis..i had think of something..

actually..i was thinkin like tat 2...coz i m feelin kinda lonely n desperate...

all i think of nw is tat...even though i had known her secrets behind me...

i jz pretend tat i didnt knw...

bt jz continue treating her as hw i usually care so much n put my love on it..

i knw it will hurts a lot 2 me in tis kind of situation n being veli stupid...

bt...

4 me..its worth it!coz in tis life..i reali did something good...

n i wont 4get tat i had once..ever love some1 so much...

even though at last she will leave me in the end..it doesnt matter anymore...

i found a out a song note...

你还是最深爱的人

你要的我愿把全部都给你

你说的毫不保留着不相信

只要我能够让你快乐我一定都给你

只要我能够让你幸福什么都愿意

你是最深爱的女人

你拥有最美的眼神

炽热的最真

烧伤了我心急如焚我愿意为你没有了身份

你就是我最深爱的人

你还是我最爱的女人

bcoz of tis..i learn tat...

no matter wat..i still willin givin out all my life jz 4 her..

even though at last she doesnt choose me...

i jz knew tat...

every couple will have it own story bt different kind of loves..

tats all...

some1 mabe out there is even hurt thn me..

the reason i writtin all tis was 2 tell myself..u muz nt giv up urself..u had 2 let it go..

n as well..i dun smoke nor drinks a lot..

so many ppl had different kinds of letting out their disturbed minds..

i will still love her wif all my heart..

你還是我最深愛的人 - ÓÀ°î

如果世上沒傻瓜 [歌詞]

2008-11-13T17:42:00.001+08:00

如果世上沒傻瓜 [歌詞]
主唱: 方力申曲: BenTsang 詞: 林夕

傻在為你賣完了討好的把戲
被你把持如馴良機器
研習更動人語氣然後換來悔氣
是作耍花槍趣味

傻在為你任情緒墮落未逃避
不管安泥浮沉泥沼當作極樂園地
難道世上唯有你才令地球更美
明知等於寵壞你

＊如果世上沒傻瓜談戀愛像會談吧
算得太盡還可擁抱嗎如何估計回報多寡
如談戀愛為著成家若代價太高昂就變心嗎
恕我在燃燒中結巴純因信奉我任性的火花
那怕肉麻＊

傻在為你沒投機玩捉摸心理
沒有港流仍然迷戀你
明白我未贏到你仍像別人嘆氣
避開專家的見地

傻在為你像孩子不懂得對比
這種堅持如拿來講作會練就奇技
寧原拒絕忘記你和自在來鬥氣
淚光怎可遮蓋傲氣

REPEAT＊

愛叫我放低智商誰人又有福未問價先付帳
傻人自有傻樂未為了中獎

如果世上沒傻瓜談戀愛像會談吧
算得太盡還可擁抱嗎如何估計回報多寡
從來不介意做傻瓜莫論有可能為瞬間絕美像曇花
如果愛是難買別買的壁畫算了吧

方力申- 如果世上沒傻瓜 - alex fong

pUzZLeeee~~~>.<

2008-11-11T19:26:00.004+08:00

sOmEtiMeS i waS jZ tHinKin~

爱情不能做比较

wAs It i lEt 2 mUch le...or IsSIt i nt good enuF~~~

HaIZzzz....

whenever u think everything will b alrite tat time and definetly like everythings is perfect 2 u at 1st...it will be wrong...coz the more u wan it will wont come 2 u at all...i oNce try...bt it nv went out rite..

i still remember once tat v had been 2gather...i feel happy n didnt think much coz i didnt wan had happen b4..coz i wan 4get all about the past that happen~....

tHe 1st time i was wif her, it was at the moment quite perfectly n everything was goin smoothly..

till...

1 day, she changed....it was nv like b4........

till tat she told me tat i was treating her badly during those days....

i didnt realise i was like tat....

n she jz treat me like i treated her......

kinda like it at all...

so i jz didnt say much..bt i continue the best i can do 4 her....

everything jz 4 her own good...

duRing these days....

she sTarted coLlEge......

she was totally different like i didnt knw...

v less meet...v less talk...

it was like as there is no more feel 4 her 2 me....

i didnt complain....

i think it was jz me who was wrong oni n thinking 2 much...

bt its nt..coz she told me tat thy r guyz chasing after her..

i was kinda angry n afraid at 1st bcoz i scare i will lost her..........

bt she told me she wont change her heart...

bt its jz a cheer up sentence...

bcoz i knw...whenever some1 says tis...it is jz lie...

i usually listen 2 music...the lyrics was givin miracle n chances...

bt its useless....

CoZ she...nv care about me...

1day..she went oout 2 the beach wif her frenz...

she told me she will sms me once she reach there....

bt she didnt...instead she play wif her college frenz...

by the mean time...i was bz calling her n sms her n i was worry about her..

i didnt knw wat 2 do at all....i tot she mabe havin some trouble or anything...

bt she nv told me..until i call her frenz...

a number tat i saw was a female name.......

i call...n after tat its a guy who pick it up...

i was thinkin..givin reason 2 myself say tat it mabe was a gal num..bt her guyz frenz pick it up 4 her or so ever...

bt i didnt care..i jz ask was her there...thn he pass it 2 her...

she told me she was bz...n she left her hp in the room...

n gt no time 2 reply me...

i was thinkin in mind

"HeY! i m ur bf leh...y dun u jz let me tat u arrive n will b bz thn mai can le..."

bt she didnt...

eversince thn she change a lot..even though she reach home le..

she nv care 2 let me knw..instead i call again..

n her sis jz pick n say..she been long time de..n nw is sleepin...

i jz say..."Ohhz..thn nvm le.."

after i hang up the phone..i was thinkin..m i jz thinkin 2 much or i didnt care about her feelins?

or m i being 2 busy 2 disturb her private life...

so i jz told myself..it was my fault...

i should'nt disturb her 2 much if nt things will nt work out rite...

tiLl...when she gt college frenz..it seems tat i m invisible 2 her le...

she jz minds her frenz more thn i do...

i was like in her heart...0%...nt a important status...

she treated her frenz more care bt 2 me was jz like i m nt there.....

i dun mind about hw she treated me..coz i knw...

love doesnt have any % coz no matter 2 treat who good or bad it doesnt matter at all...

till i found tat she was usually sms wif guyz tat were chasing after her...i was quite angry..she even takes pic wif thm...n puttin out...bt mine wif her was jz like secret..it wasnt important at all..

she even says..takin pic wif me..was jz like damn ugly...

i was hurt...bt nt jz oni tat..she says tat she alone takes pic is much more better...

ThEre are people saying tat...usually a drunk person talkin out the sentence was real n didnt lie...

she told me.."I DUN WAN U ANYMORE"

i was even hurter...bt i didnt mind..i still continue 2 help her clear things coz i knw i muz nt mind tat 1st...

if a couple says tat..issit veli hurt as there were many long swords struck against ur heart over n over again...

i jz cant stand it..coz i did secret cry inside my heart..i cant let ppl knw tat i cry out...

all it doesnt matter anymore...

even though she outside wif another guy..i wont b able 2 knw at all...

coz she been keepin secrets like deleting all her sms n call out or call in numbers...

so that i cant find out....bt feel is jz comin faster n faster...

i nv care anymore...

i dun wan think anymore...if she ever leave me...

wat do i do?

i jz can say..i dunno...

love cannot be weight......even though u wif her or him hw long time...its jz useless...

nobody can reali predict the future....

i jz wan 2 say..i still love her...i nv change my heart at all.....

coz tat is wat love is about....i knw...hw it feels...it some1 get tis matter...

i jz can say that...

jz pretend u dunno anything...jz continue wif wat u r doin....

i even try gifts..bt its nt jz the same...

frenzz always say...its her lost oni if she doesnt appreciate u...i believe...

bt tat is tat...u wont able 2 feel the person who r being hurt....u wont able 2 understand...

any1 has it own story..bt it jz in different script...

the true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other

自我催眠 - WwW.UKoo.NeT

HaHaZ~~~~jX 1St TiMe PlAyiN bLoG~.~

2008-11-10T21:06:00.002+08:00

hello~i new here oooohhhzzz....~~~~~

i m jz an ordinary guy wif secrets ar...~~~hahaz..

StUpId XD

I aM aLeX!~

jZ 19 tIs yEaR nOr~

liViN iN KKKKKKKKKllllll~.~

KakAz~hopE kNw nEw FreZ hErE noR~~

STAY HAPPY!!!!!

XD dunno wat 2 write de~~ kakaz..

好好恋爱 - ·½Á¦Éê/µËÀöÐÀ