In my dreams, I had always wanted to stay inside the dream because everything was perfect being inside and everything was in order as you had wanted but things seems to be different in the real world because everything was in reality and everything has to work hard for it. Even though how hard you had work hard on something, it might not come to you yet because of your sins that you had done in the past that had given you chance to change but a price to be paid. I believe in karma and i do believe what you had done now either good or bad , you will be rewarded someday in a price to be paid. During the Chinese New Year holidays, I went up the hill in the Cameron Highlands, I love the enviroment over there and maybe because of the clear and country side of the enviroment I would felt relieved and so comfortable in the enviroment that I would wanted to stay there, but only a minor of time , you are needed to get out from the happy and comfortable place and return back to the reality of hardworking and evilness of the city.
Days are not long, but I seemed to fall in love with the enviroment, i feel more secure in that type of enviroment but I still like being with a laptop that I could connect to the Internet and browse thru the websites while enjoying the cooling enviroment. In life, when I was a child, I would always pretend to be coming from a weathy family but when i start to grow older and starting to think about the reality, i realise that everything was just a dream at the child stage, because I starting to feel the tiredness and difficulties in life. I also realise that each relationships I had in the previous years was actually that I was playing myself all the way around. Things might get funnier when you think back in the years and the silly things you had done all the way long. That is what life are meant for as everything was eventually experiences that you got but no other people might able to feel it because you are being yourself, your mind, your soul , everything was your doing at all the time. I would always think that I would only do things for people but i never think of the reward but actually I wasn't because slowly, now , and i realise actually I do want the reward, and slowly, i realise that I am a very greedy kind of person that always like to take the pity but I never really work for it. Friends are always away from me even since I was a child, I got no real true friends to be around with, not like I seen some friends that actually had any problems in their life, but there are always a friend behind to back them up. I didn't realise that some of my thoughts would hurt people or even really help but I would try to learn and correct my mistake. No one will be perfect and so do I. I had less friends, but I tend to enjoy the single guy life, I didn't know why but I tend to be alone and do things in my way, mabye because of family interference, or mabye not. One thing that I remember is that, even since I was a child, I had been alone all the way long, playing games and facing the computer or TV and the reflection are always myself sitting there alone and enjoying the time. When I read novels or story books or even video games, i tend to read or see about friends bieng together and alway enjoying life together. I do not have friends and I admited that. Friends would not understand me because if they would, they would not leave me alone but since then I had never trust friends so closely.
Love only hurts a bit but you can see people smiling then it is worth it.
In this love life of the flower, it may look sharp with the thorns, and it really are sharp indeed, as I knew that I and her was in different world but I force myself to be in that world, but finally the hurting will only be me and I didn't get anything in return but I think it is worth it because I had tried my best but I couldn't hold her on. In this lesson, I had learn alot and realise that I always run from problems and I always find the excuse to run away from the truth. Even though that I had been hurt deeply in this relationship, but I had learn that, being good to someone might always be the better way because love life should be share among each other, and i meant of the both the couples itself. People around the world would had the same thorn in pains but some are happy with it and they had lived with for ages and ages. I couldn't bear the pain anymore and I decided to let out the hand, because I couldn't bear to see her sad anymore because I was there blocking her happiness and I can't bear to watch her escape from me everything she saw me. I think I would choose the way of leaving instead. This requires courage and intension of doing so because not everyone would wanted it to be that way. When you learn to love someone, you had to learn to let go....
This flower might be best for me, but I had let it down, it is a beautiful flower that everyone would want it for but I had never care about the feelings of the flower and I never actually gave myself the chance to learn to give. In this relationship, I realise that I couldn't bear the pain that I had in my previous experience and finally I decided to let go and even though the flower had never gave up on me, but I choose to gave up at last, I remember the last talk with her was on texting, I wrote something awful but I didn't know why I had did it, maybe because of jealously and anger? I feel that I had both the actions because I really do care about it but in the end, i satisfy myself with only the words, "It's for her own good...she doesn't need to be good to me and I am not worth it..." I always listen to songs to try to get myself to sleep but each time I does that, I would search a sad song rather than a happy song and I felt that it is better for me and experience someone's sadness and regretness that they had done for me. The flower is pretty but I had gave up on it. I felt bad for myself and I knew a karma would appear in my doorstep not long. I knew that what I had did right now will be my reward on the later on time. I knew that nothing would be perfect for me because I tried not to think of perfectness and I never wanted to hope for. I just want a easy life and someone to communicate with but its hard for me to find that someone. When I try to text someone and try to talk to, I will be afraid that I am disturbing that someone. So sometimes I choose to backward the text and put down my phone and leave it aside and try to listen to songs. Sometimes I would also lay on the bed and close my eyes so that I would not think so much but tears would suddenly appear and not because I am sad but because I am alone. Alone is always a word for me but I never try work out for and repair it. I always try hard to built up myself in studies and work. Sometimes i gained claps from good remarks but I don't think I had deserve it yet because I think I still need improvement and I am learning on and on. In this silent night, I am facing again the computer and on my phone that always had my own reflection of myself but no answers or light appearing. In the previous times, I always wish of full moon appearing in the sky and on the night of romance, but everything I saw the full moon appearing, I would think that had the chance of being with pink pretty flower but this time, it doesn't turn out that way because fate had came upon on me and taken the things from me and giving it to someone who really would appreciate it. Life is full of suprises but maybe in my time of life, I would think of it as a bad luck and sadness, or mabye the LORD wanted me to learn and fix my mistakes and my wrongs in the young life and later on the older life to gain the comfort. I do belive in LORD, but in the same time, life and actions are human life and they work out for it. LORD may only be the guide line in the lights but on the journey it was us who choose our path of being someone. 
I had always to eat and this was one of my favourite foods that I had in Cameron Highland, "Fried Potato's" it look so delicious at the first sight, and that tempts me to go for it, I ask about the price and it was indeed cheap and quickly I brought it and try a piece of it. It was so delicious and it is one type of the food that I would hunger for~ 
<<<<<<<<<<< HoneyComb~ A real honey comb got from the bees..... The thing might be even worst than a chewing gum because I had put inside my mouth for an hour but I still can't melt the thing! Anyway, the honey is so sweet and I quite like it~ Life is to enjoy~ Sadness will come on the way, and mountains are higher each time you climb, but nothing can stop you from going up because you follow your own instinct on going all the way up, but there are always a pit stop to let you cool down because on the way, you might find someone on your side and they needs your help, stop down and help because you had a pure heart and full of helpness to be given out. I had stop down and help and even though it's a devil that you had helped, you should be glad because you had done it in a pure heart but not devil heart. Life may be hard in times but you must on to gain the experience. Sometimes experience not always be the good thing but you must learn to accept. Accepting will give you more knowledge and you will know how to step on the new steps that are coming in your way. Sharing is good in life because sharing the kindness and happiness in life. I had always love you from the start but fate has not come yet or because I am not ready yet. I would wish everyone a happy life and good luck in the relationships. Wishing other people luck doesn't meant that i need a reward in return. I am giving it on the air and everyone around me. I wish you would not met someone like me that would hurt you and being a coward because you are not worth being treaten that way. I will correct my mistakes in this life and I couldn't be perfect but I will be the best of myself. ^_^
