Trying to let go

It has been days since I broke up with her..I am still in the unhappy condition..I still couldn't get myself back..I been trying to overcome that fear but it has just overtake me..

The only way for me to take off that fear is just time only that could heal me..big wound comes with a scar..I tried not to look into the online social network status because I fear or looking at her status..I have tried to control myself but stubbornness only controls me back..

I tried to be alone and not think about the things anymore..its hard for me but I gonna do it..I know the future and what it will happen next..but I could not control myself from not thinking it anymore..I already lost my soul..my active soul that i just to be..

Loving someone is too easy for hard to let go when the moment you think that she is the Mrs Right..anyway..things will go away soon if its not urs..mine has just gone away like that without any goodbye.

I lost her because I could not be the best..I could not even take care of her anymore..i am no longer the guy for her because she will get someone better than me and I know she would..

A sacrifice that I have to do in order to give her happiness..if pain can do that..I think I would choose that path..

A New Beginning..

A new beginning is a new start for me..I have already lost in the relationship, I have already got the answer..I know I tried to recover that relationship but it doesn't seem to work. I have failed, she doesn't want me anymore..I really do love her but everytime I will get distracted..I have actually tried my best to recover that relationship but I could not get it to be better but making things separated even more aparted..

Relationship is just LOVE..its like a snow..when its in stable condition, it looks very nice and beautiful but when it melts, it does not stop melting till it becomes water..waiting for her 3 years is like a challenge for me but I don't have courage to say that she will come back to me because I know it won't happen to me..

I didn't blame the god that I have this fate..but I blame myself for continuing being stupid..to think that things will change..I was different from last time..I could still able to do my work but after work, I slowly become weak because I know I don't dare to accept the truth..

I don't know what will happen in future but I only know that I need to grow stronger and more mature than before..我真的受伤了..

The same moment

It has been a few days after the breakup, I am still thinking about her. I doubt that she did not think about me anymore from the first day she had made her decision on the breakup. I felt myself worthless after my friends told me about what are girls in reality life. I felt that, I had lost and outdated myself in so many chances that I could do. I knew myself wasn't the real man after this relationship. I never knew that I would drop into the hole so deep that I could not have forgiven myself for continuing being stupid.

After the breakup, I only started to realize the mistakes that I had done. I also feel that I was not mature enough to do decision in the past but when I want to repair that mistake, it has been too late because the relationship has gotten worst and its too late to recover. Some people say, it won't be too late for anything if you just try to do it. 

Everything would change and you would not know it what would happen next. The past is just an excuse for me to remember and I would think that I had done a lot, but we can't use that to compare a relationship. I have tears but it dried up. I hear people say that drinking alcohol would help and I tried it. I drank almost every night after the breakup because I want to get to sleep so that I could not think about the breakup anymore. The answer is that, it did not help much but I just got worse because I was thinking it all the time. I had dreams about her because I really do miss that relationship but I could not do much about it anymore because I failed to do so. 

Today, I called her and I told that this would be the last call that I would made. I knew that she might be thinking I am stupid and not mature enough to think about what I am saying. I wanted to give myself a bottom line that, I am no longer in the relationship, I should kept a distance with her. I must not give myself any hope anymore because its not the same anymore. 

I must stand up from my fall and concentrate on the things that I need to focus on. I need to learn to be more mature in the things that I am doing now but not falling backwards. I will aim it for this year target to do so....  

Stupid

Why am I still being so stupid? Why do I have to care about it? I should not have care about it..but why did I? Why am I getting angry? I hate this kind of feeling..I am no longer a status anymore..I am just alone and only should care about myself..

I hate this type of being a nice person..I don't like to have this kind of feeling..I am always feeling uneasy on this...I knew outcomes and what's gonna happen next but I am just making a fool of myself again..

I wanted to let go of this feeling..I am feeling a lot of difficulty..I want to focus on my own stuff..I already knew the answer at the very beginning and I should have been prepared for it..

I want to climb out of the hole..I don't want to stay there anymore..why? Why? Why can't things get better for me? I have already done everything that I should do..I did not hide or lie..why?

Why can't it be fair for me to have a normal and stable relationship? Why can't I just live on a simple life..?

There are always questions but no answer..why do people like to appear and spoil everything?

大方

Watch "Alex Fong - Generous (大方) [MV]" on YouTube

ABC君

This song has been years but I still like it..the feeling that I am having now..

The End

The End! It just ended that way. The time bomb exploded...

Time Bomb

Its just a time bomb..you predicted what would happen in the future. You know you gonna be sad and hurt but you insisted on that answer and go for that choice. You are stupid..The pain in the heart is getting painful then usually...you listen the laughter by other people to you..you close your eyes and dare not to look into the reality..I realize something is that, love someone doesn't need to say I love you but accept their weaknesses..