The same moment

It has been a few days after the breakup, I am still thinking about her. I doubt that she did not think about me anymore from the first day she had made her decision on the breakup. I felt myself worthless after my friends told me about what are girls in reality life. I felt that, I had lost and outdated myself in so many chances that I could do. I knew myself wasn't the real man after this relationship. I never knew that I would drop into the hole so deep that I could not have forgiven myself for continuing being stupid.

After the breakup, I only started to realize the mistakes that I had done. I also feel that I was not mature enough to do decision in the past but when I want to repair that mistake, it has been too late because the relationship has gotten worst and its too late to recover. Some people say, it won't be too late for anything if you just try to do it. 

Everything would change and you would not know it what would happen next. The past is just an excuse for me to remember and I would think that I had done a lot, but we can't use that to compare a relationship. I have tears but it dried up. I hear people say that drinking alcohol would help and I tried it. I drank almost every night after the breakup because I want to get to sleep so that I could not think about the breakup anymore. The answer is that, it did not help much but I just got worse because I was thinking it all the time. I had dreams about her because I really do miss that relationship but I could not do much about it anymore because I failed to do so. 

Today, I called her and I told that this would be the last call that I would made. I knew that she might be thinking I am stupid and not mature enough to think about what I am saying. I wanted to give myself a bottom line that, I am no longer in the relationship, I should kept a distance with her. I must not give myself any hope anymore because its not the same anymore. 

I must stand up from my fall and concentrate on the things that I need to focus on. I need to learn to be more mature in the things that I am doing now but not falling backwards. I will aim it for this year target to do so....