LonEly ChRistmass...

24.12.2008
time jz comes so fast....
at 1st i was thinkin tat mabe i wont b celebrating christmass alone...
early in the morning..i woke up early..
i prepared everything ready well...
all was like perfect...
bt thn the time is short..
i called..
waited n waited...
it took veli long time b4 she could had picked it up...
at last...
she picked it up..bt the time was already late..
by thn..i jz was down there..in the car..waiting..
thn she came out...
bt i gt sad feeling..i dunno wat was it at 1st..
bt my six sense jz tell me so..
she didnt wear as v promise v would do...
bt i didnt mind a lot..coz mabe her time was kinda packed..
thn...
i tot mabe i wil gt a present?
bt no..i dun hav..
by thn..whn v were on our way 2 to gai gai..
whn on the way..
v didnt talk much..
it was a silence...
until v reach there..
i tot mabe she will get me a present jz bcoz 2 say soli 2 me..tat cant accompany me..
at nite..
bt she didnt...
v went into shops...
she was jz bz choosing a gift 4 her fren...
bt the person she care n thinkin wasn't me...
actually..
i was kinda angry n sad...
bt i jz dunno wat else i can speak out anymore...
after the long walk...
it was time 2 go back...
she knew tat i was havin time problem..coz i still gt alot of things 2 take care of...
bt she seems like doesnt bother about it at all..
all she cares was hers..her time...
her own things...
bt nv think of me b4...
i was being a fool...
y should i being good 2 her since she is like tat 2 me..
i cant speak 4 myself..
i jz feel so out...
sometimes i saw my frenz..
thy r so happy wif their partner..
i jz feel so...
jealous~
whn she gt bak 2 her skool..
i send her a sms...
"MERRY CHRISTMASS!"
bt she didnt reply me..
i had already knw the answer...
bt i jz cant face it..
even though i try nt 2 sms her or call her..
bt she would nt find me at all...
she would rather find her frenz thn finding me..
after all wat i been through wif her..
she nv even care...
so tis year christmass..i was goin alone...
bt even though it end up wif frenz goin neway there..
bt it jz seems so lonely 4 me..
coz all i wan was..being wif my loves ones..
bt i jz cant hav tat kind of gift..
i reali gt no more strength 4 anything..
i jz feelin so tired...
n i cant even wan to continue 2 anywhere at all...
mabe next year i could hav a happy christmass?
nobody knws..bt i jz wish i would..>.<
CAUSE I BELIEVE...

幸福不滅 - 羅志祥alan luo

A Distance Away

maybe I don´t show up again love will be worth you remember
you also don´t want to see seeing also won´t change
your hurtful face as you were turning

maybe if I let go firmly you´ll be able to let the memories emerge
it´s bitter or it´s sweet when you remember my face
I hope it´s not the (taste of) salty tear

I only can leave you far away yet I still unluckily hurt you
I don´t deserve your beauty ending let you love discomposure
but I the further I am from you the closer you´re in my eyes
I can´t see anymore your happy face that loved me

still owe you too many promises I don´t have that competence to carry them out
for me you clinked closely (in) your past
far away I´ll be watching your happiness

遠遠 - lin yu zhong

4goTtEn~

fOrgEt~
sOme how~
i reAli 4get waT loVe uSed 2 b~
i Cant fEel it anymore...
itS gOne~

i dunNo wat else to think anymore....
i jz feElin like...
i do not have energy 2 think anymore..
i wan to stop n rest....
i cant continue anymore..
bt wat 2 do...
it jz keep on goin n on...

waT if i gt an accident?
i 4get everything...even me...
will it b a best way?
i think it will..coz at least...
i wont suffer so much as rite nw i m havin.....
y do i nid get tis kind of thoughts..oni...
i can relieved myself?

i reali havin headache!!!!!
i dunno hw long i can hold anymore...
i reali veli tired!
can i jz hav a rest?
plz...plz...plz...i jz dun wan keep on anymore...
i dunno wat 2 do anymore...
y!!!

y muz i b a GOOD LOVER!?
y cant i jz b a BAD LOVER?
y muz all the good times...fly away jz like a wind..
so fast..so easy...
n jz like tat...
did i did something wrong???

y muz her b so cold 2 me??
i hav feelings....
i m nt a machine....
hw come my dreams...each nite by nite...
becoming a nitemare....
y muz everynite b awake jz bcoz of tat nitemare...
i dunno wat i can do anymore...

i jz hope 1 day..i reali can let down the burden....
bcoz i reali cannot continue anymore...
n i do nt hav any strenght....
i reali wan rest...stop...
sleep....
i wan hav a happy mind...
i dun like being like tis........
its veli tough....

bcoz she doenst care.....she....
looks down on me...
she mabe..had..another in mind..
A,B,C,D n others in coming....
bt i m nt in listed...
i m blacklisted...
i feEl lonelY....
jz lonely...
i hope..i can find..
an Answer...
tired...
sleepy..
restless...
unhappy...
eMo....

all tis will b changed into happiness 2 her...
bt i had suffer...
i had given all my own 2 her...
bt...
i fail at last...

爱太痛 - wu ke qun