Night Time
April 14, 2011, I am still puzzled
with myself. I want to SMS you but I didn’t have the courage to SMS you. I can’t
sleep and I hoped to find you to chat with me but it seem I had done it yet
even though these few nights I couldn’t have a proper sleep. I had tried
listening songs and reading books so that I can get myself tired and have a
nice sleep but I just couldn’t get to sleep. Every time I want to close my eyes, I will take my phone and wanted to
text you but the moment I saw the conversations we had, I stopped and I feel
that I couldn’t text you. Why did I always stop myself and never gave myself a
courage just to type a few words and send it to you? I am confused with myself
and I hate the way I had been. Sometimes I had always been putting hope on it
but I at last never take the step forward.
with myself. I want to SMS you but I didn’t have the courage to SMS you. I can’t
sleep and I hoped to find you to chat with me but it seem I had done it yet
even though these few nights I couldn’t have a proper sleep. I had tried
listening songs and reading books so that I can get myself tired and have a
nice sleep but I just couldn’t get to sleep. Every time I want to close my eyes, I will take my phone and wanted to
text you but the moment I saw the conversations we had, I stopped and I feel
that I couldn’t text you. Why did I always stop myself and never gave myself a
courage just to type a few words and send it to you? I am confused with myself
and I hate the way I had been. Sometimes I had always been putting hope on it
but I at last never take the step forward.
I feel that writing a blog is a best
way to express my feelings as it is the only I can do right now. I missed the
old days I had but nothing will be returning anyway, I always hoped to have a
nice dream but I never saw that coming. Although I had awakened my sleep in the
morning, I will see black and an empty space in it. Do I actually had feelings
for her or was it just a dream that I always had been dreaming. I am considering
being lucky because I had a past and maybe somewhere out there, some people do
not have the chance at all. Listening to songs in the middle of the night is
very comfortable but it may be very lonely as well. Tomorrow is a day that is
one of my biggest achievements that I must complete and I only have 8 hours
time before I can really prepare everything well. Time seem to be running and I
always putting those problems into my mind. It might be very annoying but I never
tend to fix it.
way to express my feelings as it is the only I can do right now. I missed the
old days I had but nothing will be returning anyway, I always hoped to have a
nice dream but I never saw that coming. Although I had awakened my sleep in the
morning, I will see black and an empty space in it. Do I actually had feelings
for her or was it just a dream that I always had been dreaming. I am considering
being lucky because I had a past and maybe somewhere out there, some people do
not have the chance at all. Listening to songs in the middle of the night is
very comfortable but it may be very lonely as well. Tomorrow is a day that is
one of my biggest achievements that I must complete and I only have 8 hours
time before I can really prepare everything well. Time seem to be running and I
always putting those problems into my mind. It might be very annoying but I never
tend to fix it.
Why these feelings always do come
and I never want to fix it? I hear one my friends and he told me that people
like programmers always like to talk to themselves and always putting the
problems they face into their own world. I think I am beginning to fall into
that world and I didn’t want to. I want find someone that I can really rely on
and talk to her about my problems and she could lend her ears to me but I couldn’t
find one. Even though there is, but I don’t think she would, because I never
tried? Or was it because I want to run away from it? Everyone has their own
problems and everyone must overcome their fears in order to face the reality. I
never hope to be perfect but I just wanted to make sure that I can get
everything alright. Mistakes always appear on me but I tried to fix but
sometimes I couldn’t get things right.
and I never want to fix it? I hear one my friends and he told me that people
like programmers always like to talk to themselves and always putting the
problems they face into their own world. I think I am beginning to fall into
that world and I didn’t want to. I want find someone that I can really rely on
and talk to her about my problems and she could lend her ears to me but I couldn’t
find one. Even though there is, but I don’t think she would, because I never
tried? Or was it because I want to run away from it? Everyone has their own
problems and everyone must overcome their fears in order to face the reality. I
never hope to be perfect but I just wanted to make sure that I can get
everything alright. Mistakes always appear on me but I tried to fix but
sometimes I couldn’t get things right.
Love and slow songs are always my
favorite type of songs that I like to hear but each time I like a song, I would
always think it in a imaginary world that I would be but I never tried to think
back into reality because sometimes I do think that these kind of imagination
is a place that I can really relax and putting my head on rest. Sooner or
later, I find that I must not be adapting to this kind of actions because you
would always rely on it. I tried to think differently and having another action
that is go to sleep and closing my eyes and try not to think about the past and
it was because a past is always a past. I remember that I saw a note that
written about “EX” and the meaning of it was that “An EX is an example of a
mistake you done in the past and you knew how it feels, the pain, the sorrow,
the loneliness, the lied, the experience you had gained after a relationship
was not proper being take care of.” This was one of my thoughts that I had been
thinking, an EX is never to repeat the same mistakes but to improve in your
next relationships.
favorite type of songs that I like to hear but each time I like a song, I would
always think it in a imaginary world that I would be but I never tried to think
back into reality because sometimes I do think that these kind of imagination
is a place that I can really relax and putting my head on rest. Sooner or
later, I find that I must not be adapting to this kind of actions because you
would always rely on it. I tried to think differently and having another action
that is go to sleep and closing my eyes and try not to think about the past and
it was because a past is always a past. I remember that I saw a note that
written about “EX” and the meaning of it was that “An EX is an example of a
mistake you done in the past and you knew how it feels, the pain, the sorrow,
the loneliness, the lied, the experience you had gained after a relationship
was not proper being take care of.” This was one of my thoughts that I had been
thinking, an EX is never to repeat the same mistakes but to improve in your
next relationships.
When you are in a room that is only
you are who will be sleeping in. Everything in the corner is a dead material
that had no response but only echo could be heard. You will feel that you are
alone and only a computer you will be facing with. Each time, I switch on my
computer and when it startup, comes the desktop and there is the internet
browser that I would click. The first thing that I will browse would be
FACEBOOK but everything I click my FACEBOOK, I would look at the notifications and
I hope to see her status but I tried not to click it. It work for some time but
in some time later, I would click it but I tried to stop myself from clicking
it and each time I told myself that it doesn’t matter to me anyway because I was
a nobody. I always placed my pink crystal ball in front of my computer so that I
could get to know more people and getting my relationship in the future to be
better but it seem not be working but only a further distance will be appearing
and disappointment.
you are who will be sleeping in. Everything in the corner is a dead material
that had no response but only echo could be heard. You will feel that you are
alone and only a computer you will be facing with. Each time, I switch on my
computer and when it startup, comes the desktop and there is the internet
browser that I would click. The first thing that I will browse would be
FACEBOOK but everything I click my FACEBOOK, I would look at the notifications and
I hope to see her status but I tried not to click it. It work for some time but
in some time later, I would click it but I tried to stop myself from clicking
it and each time I told myself that it doesn’t matter to me anyway because I was
a nobody. I always placed my pink crystal ball in front of my computer so that I
could get to know more people and getting my relationship in the future to be
better but it seem not be working but only a further distance will be appearing
and disappointment.
Being alone in my lifetime was
something not different from my childhood but the things are that I can do
things on my own. I never hoped to live happily just like what my other friends
are having right now. I just wish to be simple and try to hang out with friends
and chatting together. Things are different, maybe it was the environment that I
was being raised in or maybe it was because it was my fate. When you think of
someone and you want to tell her about it, I seem to be coward and try not to
tell her because I have a fear on it. Every past means something to me. Every
time I was on my bed, I remembered my ex being there and she said something to
me, a word that till now I had never forget at all. A sentence that would hurt
and by that moment, I knew that I wasn’t in her world and I had been being a
fool all along.
something not different from my childhood but the things are that I can do
things on my own. I never hoped to live happily just like what my other friends
are having right now. I just wish to be simple and try to hang out with friends
and chatting together. Things are different, maybe it was the environment that I
was being raised in or maybe it was because it was my fate. When you think of
someone and you want to tell her about it, I seem to be coward and try not to
tell her because I have a fear on it. Every past means something to me. Every
time I was on my bed, I remembered my ex being there and she said something to
me, a word that till now I had never forget at all. A sentence that would hurt
and by that moment, I knew that I wasn’t in her world and I had been being a
fool all along.
Things are being that way, when you are
willing to give up everything for her, she may not be the one for you. Even
though it had been 2 years in the past but I had remember a lot about my past.
Even now, if I had fallen for someone and I had told her before but it seems
not work because it takes time but even though I had put effort on it, it doesn’t
work and I knew how the ending would be. My dream is always being a real in
reality and if I do not dream about her, it means that she doesn’t appear in my
reality. My dreams are true but sometimes I never hope to have that true dream
because it hurts. Good friends are hard to find and sometimes when one of your
EX becomes your best friend, it doesn’t meant that she will be there for you when
you sad, she had her own troubles to face.
willing to give up everything for her, she may not be the one for you. Even
though it had been 2 years in the past but I had remember a lot about my past.
Even now, if I had fallen for someone and I had told her before but it seems
not work because it takes time but even though I had put effort on it, it doesn’t
work and I knew how the ending would be. My dream is always being a real in
reality and if I do not dream about her, it means that she doesn’t appear in my
reality. My dreams are true but sometimes I never hope to have that true dream
because it hurts. Good friends are hard to find and sometimes when one of your
EX becomes your best friend, it doesn’t meant that she will be there for you when
you sad, she had her own troubles to face.
Sometimes you would hope that your
best friend would be there for you when you need them but it doesn’t come. You
would want to find them but because you’re EX is your best friend so you didn’t
find her. You knew she had a boyfriend and didn’t want to interrupt them. You
will just take the problems with you and walk on while carrying a big load of
sack of sand on your back. I like to help people with their problems and I always
tried to cheer people up even though I had a bit of crush on her but I never
tend to tell her but only hope the better words for her. You are happy when she
says thanks to you and telling you that you are a great friend indeed. I like
to add on the text that think of me whenever you are not happy and hope that it
might cheer you up a bit because I can try to be there to cheer u up whenever I
am needed.
best friend would be there for you when you need them but it doesn’t come. You
would want to find them but because you’re EX is your best friend so you didn’t
find her. You knew she had a boyfriend and didn’t want to interrupt them. You
will just take the problems with you and walk on while carrying a big load of
sack of sand on your back. I like to help people with their problems and I always
tried to cheer people up even though I had a bit of crush on her but I never
tend to tell her but only hope the better words for her. You are happy when she
says thanks to you and telling you that you are a great friend indeed. I like
to add on the text that think of me whenever you are not happy and hope that it
might cheer you up a bit because I can try to be there to cheer u up whenever I
am needed.
The truth is that I had tried my
best to be there but I will always noted that if you are happy then you can
just forget about the things that I had told you because I wish to give
happiness but not sadness to you. I like to put sweets on your heart but I could
not put salt into your heart because I do not want to see your tears coming out
from your eyes. Even though there is no gain for me but I feel happy because at
least I had something to make people happy. Even though it doesn’t give me any
happiness but share the luck and happiness to other people is the best that I can
do. Do I miss my EX? To be honest, I do miss them. Things are different, no
matter how much you had missed the ones that you had really love for but there
is no going back in time even though there is a time machine because what
happens in the future will always be the truth. I do wish to be back my 1st
love that I had but me and her are in a different world that we can only be
best friends but never a couple in reality anymore. I knew a lot about her but
she knew less about me because I always hide my feelings. I still remember what
her favorite fruit was and I remember her like to eat mango, and I knew that
she like the pudding that I once had prepare for her. Her favorite color is
black because she likes to wear black all the time and she likes to wear normal
tee and short pants. Anyway, it was just a past.
best to be there but I will always noted that if you are happy then you can
just forget about the things that I had told you because I wish to give
happiness but not sadness to you. I like to put sweets on your heart but I could
not put salt into your heart because I do not want to see your tears coming out
from your eyes. Even though there is no gain for me but I feel happy because at
least I had something to make people happy. Even though it doesn’t give me any
happiness but share the luck and happiness to other people is the best that I can
do. Do I miss my EX? To be honest, I do miss them. Things are different, no
matter how much you had missed the ones that you had really love for but there
is no going back in time even though there is a time machine because what
happens in the future will always be the truth. I do wish to be back my 1st
love that I had but me and her are in a different world that we can only be
best friends but never a couple in reality anymore. I knew a lot about her but
she knew less about me because I always hide my feelings. I still remember what
her favorite fruit was and I remember her like to eat mango, and I knew that
she like the pudding that I once had prepare for her. Her favorite color is
black because she likes to wear black all the time and she likes to wear normal
tee and short pants. Anyway, it was just a past.
I remember another EX that she used
to love dolphins and I always try to get a dolphin doll or keychain for her. She likes to eat spicy food and that is where I
was so afraid of because I do not have the appetite for spicy food but I slowly
try to adapt into her spicy world and soon I fall in love with the spicy world.
It takes me time to adapt with it but because I hope that I can share the same
taste with her but I try to change and overcome one of my fears for her. She
likes to buy clothes and she likes to put make up, because she feels that she
is not pretty enough but for me, she is already perfect because she is being
herself. Being with her lasted two years but time passed really fast and during
the two years’ time, she had changed a lot and she was different from the moment I knew
her. I knew she wanted to leave and I let her go and I never hold back because
she doesn’t love me anymore. The feeling is gone and if I would continue, there
will be happiness between each other.
to love dolphins and I always try to get a dolphin doll or keychain for her. She likes to eat spicy food and that is where I
was so afraid of because I do not have the appetite for spicy food but I slowly
try to adapt into her spicy world and soon I fall in love with the spicy world.
It takes me time to adapt with it but because I hope that I can share the same
taste with her but I try to change and overcome one of my fears for her. She
likes to buy clothes and she likes to put make up, because she feels that she
is not pretty enough but for me, she is already perfect because she is being
herself. Being with her lasted two years but time passed really fast and during
the two years’ time, she had changed a lot and she was different from the moment I knew
her. I knew she wanted to leave and I let her go and I never hold back because
she doesn’t love me anymore. The feeling is gone and if I would continue, there
will be happiness between each other.
I still remembered an EX that she
treats me well and always tend to listen to me, I had like to see her long hair
because it fits her perfectly but then during this relationship, it turns into
a disaster because this relationship should not have been started at the
beginning and I remember she likes to drink warm water only and there is no
cold water in her dictionary. She likes to snooze at night when she is
sleeping. Being with her lasted a year and a lot things changes because she doesn’t
trust me and I doesn’t trust her anymore. I had the feeling for her but I doesn’t
trust her anymore because she had given me a lie that I cannot forget. Anyway, I
knew her that she has turn alright then I glad enough to know that someone had
really taken care of her.
treats me well and always tend to listen to me, I had like to see her long hair
because it fits her perfectly but then during this relationship, it turns into
a disaster because this relationship should not have been started at the
beginning and I remember she likes to drink warm water only and there is no
cold water in her dictionary. She likes to snooze at night when she is
sleeping. Being with her lasted a year and a lot things changes because she doesn’t
trust me and I doesn’t trust her anymore. I had the feeling for her but I doesn’t
trust her anymore because she had given me a lie that I cannot forget. Anyway, I
knew her that she has turn alright then I glad enough to know that someone had
really taken care of her.
Everything might be a past but they
had given me some good and bad memories, an experience that it will only happen
once in my lifetime. Memories are just temporary but it will always remain in
my head but when one day, I had a lost memory and everything is gone then it
might be a good and a bad thing because at least these memories are no longer
to exist on my memories. The time now is 4.15 AM and I still continue writing this
blog. I think I am tired and maybe because I had written for some time then I feel
tired and I can rest. I hope my dreams will be something that I would want and a
good luck for myself in my coming presentation. J
had given me some good and bad memories, an experience that it will only happen
once in my lifetime. Memories are just temporary but it will always remain in
my head but when one day, I had a lost memory and everything is gone then it
might be a good and a bad thing because at least these memories are no longer
to exist on my memories. The time now is 4.15 AM and I still continue writing this
blog. I think I am tired and maybe because I had written for some time then I feel
tired and I can rest. I hope my dreams will be something that I would want and a
good luck for myself in my coming presentation. J
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