The Timing

The Timing

Words and texts always appear in my mind. A lot had happen lately, lot things that I had never
think of it before. Sadness and happiness in the past had always been a past. Strengths
that I had now were never perfect. Loving someone and telling someone you like
her/him is always about timing. Timing is very important as it will conclude
the time that both the couple will be ending in what kind of time. Some people
may have the perfect timing and always ended up in the old couple age. It seems
that my timing was not perfect because I got nothing yet. Loving someone doesn’t
mean it must be together but only hopes for another to be happy.  I had always thought my timing was right but it wasn’t because I always didn’t have the lucky charm around me.

A lot had happen during this one month time. I learn a lot from my work. I always thought
that my aims and directions are correct but I knew myself was easy being
corrupted by someone. It was my weakness, I always like to care for someone
else feeling but I never really care about my own. Actually, I should be happy
because I had everything that I needed at the moment. Although some things I wanted
that it was not there for me. I should not be greedy and just be grateful of
things I had. I love to study but sometimes there are times that what you
really wanted to do and it will be an obstacle to block you from getting it. I
try to learn my hard times by working harder and better so that I can achieve
what I would really want.

It seems that I am missing something in my life. I miss the times that someone would
really care for me when I needed the most. I shouldn’t think of that phrase of
word. The choice and timing was I am who chooses it. Regrets were never to be hearing
from myself because I choose it. In the reality world, I had always wanted a
message coming from my phone that someone I really missed would come in but it
never did. Time changes and everything is not there anymore. Lies of happiness
in my mouth had always been appearing because I never wanted someone to
understand the true of myself.

In my dreams, I had always dream about a girl, but I never knew who was her. She was
nor ugly or pretty but just a perfect girl that I would be interest in. She was
kind in my dreams. She takes cares of me. I always fall for the same dream but
always in a different scenario. I could not remember how she looks like but I just
knew that I like her. Each time my dream was coming into an end, I always had
blank and black mind. I could not remember everything but I knew the feeling
was sad and only disappointment that my heart feels. I think I had fallen in
love with my dream world because everything was running smoothly even though
when time ends it will hurt a bit.

In reality, I learn a lot that giving up is not the choice of me. I will struggle on and
try my best even though I had failed many times. I try to be humble because I know
I should. People out there may be better and a lot better than me but it seems
that I am afraid of it. I miss someone very badly but I could not tell her
that. She doesn’t have the feelings for me. I am only an ordinary guy from some
part of the earth. I wanted to talk with her and having jokes around with her.
I would want to see her laughter and her beautiful smile around her cheek. I
couldn’t do that because I do not have the courage to do that. I can only think
of it but can never ever tell her that.

I feel alone in the path that I was walking towards the road that I am going.
Everything was done alone by me and I had no companion towards my path. I saw
only dark and the path is getting darker and colder in the way. Although it was
dark, I found some sticks and I had struck against one the sticks to build a
fire and show a light towards the darkness. It is very cold indeed but my stick
lit with the fire gives me bit warmth that I needed it most. Although it may
been alone all the way towards the path but I gained independent from the
lessons I had learn. I knew that I am from a different world that comparing
with hers. It was ok because I could see her in distance but she never saw my
tears and the sadness that had been appearing on my face.

I am feeling sad but the only thing I could do is try to wipe off the tears and stop
myself from falling tears from my eyes. Although it may be hard for me to
counter this fear but I had to go on with it. I had never tried to ask whether I
could be your man and I would want to protect you. I never did because I knew I
could not do it because I had fears. I like to hide myself from others because I
never tend to let them know how I felt. I only show a face that I am happy and
there is nothing wrong. Hiding my emotions is the best thing I can do.

I remember something about you. When I first saw you, I think I had liked you and I would want
to know you. I feel the feeling is different but I never hope for it because I do
not have the luck anymore. Last time, I would have the courage but because I felt
that I am uglier now and I lost my confidence on myself. I don’t dare tell
anyone about my secret that I was thinking. I didn’t want anyone to know about
it. Loving someone is easy but when you knew that you had really fallen into
the love, you feel hurt and you had hard time getting out of that place. No
matter how much you had placed your feelings in the past but it doesn’t mean
you need the repay from her/him. Love someone is being humble and generous and
without any repay. I think I choose that way and now my past, I never expected
a repay or anything. I just hope that they are happy and that is enough for it.

Running towards the path, because you foresee a thing that you must do but the thing doesn’t
belong to you. If it was yours then it will be yours but if it wasn’t then no
matter what you do, it will never be but you will only hurt yourself even more.
I always put a smile for myself when I am feeling hurt. I remember every time
when something hurts me deeply, I will only put a smile and say “Oooo…its ok…” then
I will inhale a deep breath and let go. I had tried to hold on before but I fear
the hatred you would give me. I never want to leave but I try to respect your
decision and I accept the truth. I knew you never had feelings for me anymore
because we are now far away from one another planet. We are so far away that I can
still see you but we are never in contact anymore.

The story of Alex, has the ending part, Alex was awaken from his dreams. He saw himself
on the bed, laying there and everything was just white. Alex talked to himself,
“Where am I? Why am I here? Why everything is just white? “, then a voice
responded, “You had an accident and we are sorry to inform you that your eyes
are damaged…We had did our best…”, then Alex kept quiet and say nothing but
only sitting on the bed while putting his hand on his eyes. Then a gentle voice
appears, “Alex…Don’t be sad…everything is alright...”, then Alex said, “Who are
you??”, then the gentle voice replies, “My name is?????................

The accident has cause illusion to Alex and things went back to the past that had everything
was just a dream.