Emotion

Emotion

Recently, it has been a hard time
for me, I feel very tired and sometimes things always give me to think a lot. I
think now I starting to have family problems. Everything seems so difficult to
me. Although it’s hard but I still have to go on. I always thought of having
everything perfectly running on life style but actually it wasn’t because the
real training has just begun. I only can express my emotions in the words but
never in the real world. I had stay away from my own family for almost a year
and so. I never expected much from what I had gain during all this month’s
being a parted. It wasn’t hard at all because I was used to it during my
childhood.

In life, the young ones must bear
the older responsible such as taking care of them and taking over their debts.
It was because the older ones are the debt that they used on the young ones but
sometimes they are not. The older ones use the debt as their own luxury and let
their young ones to take care of it as it was their own responsible. I had to
take care of their debt and be responsible for it. Although it may difficult in
time but I have to bear the responsible. When I started that I would wish to
continue to study and being falling in love with study because I would like to
gain more knowledge and a higher degree. It was the time that I had to choose
to fall on the ground once again. No matter how much you love something but it
may not be yours as you would imagine. Everything has been taken away from you
as it only left is responsible that wasn’t meant to be yours.

In life, I always would want to
share my burden with someone so that I can tell her that I am tired and I need
some hug. It would not happen at all because I am being alone that I could not
find anyone to talk to. That is what my life should be, although it was lonely
but the days I encounter was the real fact that I am facing right now. I feel
so tired that I would just want to stay in dream land and everything went well
but it will not happen because one day I have to wake up and face the reality
world. A room that I stay was an empty room with no emotion and grey walls without
any open windows that only stored darkness and loneliness inside the room.

When I was driving on the way to
work, I always had an empty heart in me. A feeling that I had always felt
lonely and something that takes away my happiness. Sometimes I always had the
feeling of bitter in heart that fears my tears falling down from my eyes but I always
kept them dry and stopping it from dropping even though the feeling is
difficult. I starting to feel very lonely and very left out in my own world. I
feel the fear and loneliness in the world and even though that I had some
friends around me but everything was different because of the feeling that I wanted
to tell someone something and I could not do that because no one will tend to
listen to my speech.

The days that each day passes gives
me sadness and only a burden to me. When I walk around a night market and I always
carry around my back a bag that is filled with my stuffs. I always felt so
heavy but I always told myself, the burden that I carry now was not that heavy
because my life burden is even heavier than I am carrying right now. I do not
have someone to care about me. I can see the path that I am taking and it was a
long road without any companions. I starting to control my tears and I starting
to stop the tears from falling but I could not stop my heart from crying. I
wanted to tell her about my problems and my burden but I could not do that. She
will have no interest on me because I knew the truth and I know it will end
that way. I always predicted the future and it really happens. I always choose
the way of breathing in deeply then letting it out slowly and I always saw
myself doing that when I face sadness and loneliness on my own. When I meet my
family while working, I will feel embarrassed that how my family talks and
giving me something to bear the responsible. They never really care about how I
felt but only will think that they are always right. In times, everything may
not be the way it should be.

I think there is someone that has
the same feelings like me in this world that is around the world. Someone that
faces the same problem and seeking someone that would really listens to them. Being
a cancerous in the horoscope may have a very nice heart and a strong one but in
the other side; they are alone and always putting the trouble and things into
their own world. I love to help people when they needed help but when it was my
turn that needed help no one turn up and I was alone there facing the problem
and solving it all the way by my own. Sometimes promises are just a lie and they
will forget about that promises that they had made in the past. It was true
indeed but I never blame anyone because I had done my part and I had never tended
to break the promises that I had made. At least I know that I had really made a
real promise and I knew myself had protected that promise very well indeed. I
think may be in the future, I might had forgotten that promise but I don’t I would
because I always put that in mind.

Loving you in the past may be my
best luck in my life but because having you as my partner in the past was my
happiness that I had. Although love may fade away very quickly on you to me but
I had never fade away the love that I had for you. I choose another way of
putting that into the promises so that it would not fade away even though I know
it will be useless and everything won’t be the same anymore. Being your friend
was something the least I could do. My heart may look strong on outside but it
is very weak on inside, it is breaking the every moment I am think about it.
Secrets are never mended to be told but some secrets are always mend to remain
secret and always being the heart of someone that you must protect. Do you ever
think about me and ever thinks of me of being on your side because I am being
there for you? Or was I just an illusion that appears whenever you needed me?
Nothing will be the truth because everything was fate. A fate that appears to
be there but a transparent wall is over there, that you could only see her but
she may never see you. The truth only lies between the words.