Another Moment

Another Moment

9 December 2011,

There is only a few days before it comes, after a night on the concert, I starting to feel many things going back the original way that I used to feel. While walking towards the empty street with only songs to accompany me, I felt that nothing had changed. I starting to feel that, when people is happy then its will be ok, it doesn't meant I need to happy so that it will make me feel better. I don't think I will feel that anyway. I have a sixth sense, I feel something that I will be the same like usual, the same way that I am walking on the empty street. I felt the cold now, not because I am in an air cond room, but I do felt that coldness from some where else. I can't describe the cold because it happens to me all the time. While I am in the room with the lights off and I could only see the laptop screen that is very bright. When I am on my bed, I felt lost and sometimes, my body would feel very cold because of alone. I can't always think that way because I need to clam myself down. Sometimes actions and words may not describe how I felt. When I am alone, I can only be myself, the original me that was once quiet and don't dare to say anything much to anyone. I had a small heart that can't take big incidents but I always faces big incidents. Times that I need friends or some talk, but it doesn't appear to have one because I prefer to be alone. At least, I knew that I can stay focus and slowly get back up with my own bare hands. People do need caring and warmth but mabye for me, it might be an optional because I am used to it. I wanted to write more things but I could not, because it doesn't meant anything. It will only be words without any feelings anymore.

Loving someone is difficult than forgetting someone. When you love someone, you will try your best to impress them but when you knew that, they doesn't like you, you will feel hurt but you will still go on because you don't mind getting hurt. When you start to forget someone, it is easy because you don't really care about the feelings anymore. I can easily fall in love with someone, because I really felt that love. Although, the time may be short, but it is worth it. While I was driving back home, I listen the same song for many times. (好心好報)

I felt that way, no matter how good deeds you did, it does not meant that there are repays. I can see that in the end, I am alone again. In the beginning, everything works fine but when they don't need you anymore, I will just be a silly boy that continues to wait and wait for miracles to happen. It doesn't hurt others but I felt that and it doesn't matter. Anyway, it was just another night of a dream. I slowly felt that I am like a reflection in the mirror, when you smile, I will smile back but when you had closed the lights, you can't see the smiling face anymore because you are still imagining the smiling face, at least you won't feel any pain.

I can't have a good sleep because my dreams are waking me up. I am trying to push myself to sleep and not to think to much. I wasn't thinking anything, only the cold and loneliness that kept me awake.

Nights.....