The Same Old Christmas Feeling

The Same Old Christmas Feeling


Day 06-12-2011,

The feeling is still the same as usual, nothing special but still alone. Many things has changed but only in the pace of improvement in my own future. Nothing much and nothing more. I am starting to feel left out again even though the smiles and laughter that I can make it up. This year, I only see the joy of people enjoying the christmas taste. Nowadays, I don't feel any better after that incident happened. I felt lost and can't concentrate on the things that I want to do. Sometimes, I felt that the happiness that I had once always eager want to have is no longer there anymore. White Christmas Tree,

I want to make things change but I could not do it. Even if I would want to change it, if won't change as well. I had always advice friends to be more strong and stay in reality, but when the thing goes back to me, I unable to get strong. I don't have any courage to like anyone anymore because I don't have that kind of feeling anymore, no matter what really happens. I don't feel the joy or excitement anymore like before. I felt myself bad and only tears that will starting to roll out. I don't feel like going anywhere but just stay at home or just be by the lakeside or beach. Listening to the water waves that is splashing to one wave to another. I like to switch on the application that can that listen to the waves and rain drops. The sound and environment was the feeling that I am feeling right now. Tears seem to be dropping by each second in minutes.

Day 05-12-2011,

This was the day that I start to lost confidence and my feeling of happiness with the smiles and laughter were starting to be taken away from myself. There are many things that I don't want to do it, but I did the mistake. I start to tell myself, please don't be so stupid anymore, it is just a past. It will not happen again even though it had the chance. If i don't ever smile again, will there be a problem for me? I will feel the distance of lonely starting to be nearer. I think I am on that step. Love may never be perfect, but only those who are in relationship will felt that it was perfect for them because they love another in their hearts although there may be conflict with one another. In a relationship, no matter what happens, it can be very sweet if you only think it was sweet. I used to have that feeling but it was no longer there anymore. It had disappear for some time that I didn't know when it happened before. I try to stand up and I managed to did it, with my own two hands but I saw other people with a group of hands to help them out in the misery. I felt that I am stronger but i saw people with full smiles but for me, Anger to revive myself. It was no difference that I am working alone or with someone else because in the end, it will remain the same old me. I saw the younger friends of mine, I always encourage them to work better and learn more stuff because I had experienced once before, I felt regret that I never learn much and being this way. I would like to work in an environment of office, because I only talk to myself and just go on with the work. After work, I will walk back to the railway station and saw many nice shops on the way. I will able to see the happiness smiles on people while going back home but I will still have a despair heart in the end. I am so envy with people who are always hanging out with friends where else, I am single at the moment.